through the pain and drug-induced stupor that’s been my existence for the past couple of weeks or so, I am amazed that my brain has been able to process anything at all.

And WordPress, would you stop updating every two weeks? You’re being all Microsofty. Gimme a hefty update in one go… with a few goodies thrown in. Maybe a few complimentary, optional widgets, or a theme or two.

Anyway, back to my previous train of thought… I had an important realisation this afternoon, maybe even an epiphany, or perhaps a lightbulb moment? Whatever the term, I feel kind of happy and stupid about it. Happy because it makes things easier for me, and stupid because I didn’t realise that I was making my life unnecessarily complicated.

My realisation was to do with the complex I have about not having attained my HSC, and not having attended university despite it being my dream of dreams since I started working full-time. The realisation is this: IT DOESN’T MATTER. It really doesn’t matter anymore. The fact that I don’t have a piece of paper to give to the university saying, “this is how smart Cass is, you should let her go into this course”, should make no difference to my motivation in fulfilling my dreams. I already know there are paths that I can follow. I’ve procrastinated and procrastinated, all the while telling myself, “I’ll wait until next year, then it will be easier.” or, “I’ll just continue slowly working my way up the ranks and soon I’ll get somewhere I’ll really be proud of myself for.”

Why? Why keep putting it off? I can justify my actions again and again, and justify not taking the first step because, well, I guess it takes effort. Who gives a fuck? I don’t mean to swear, but really. It’s not the be all and end all of the universe.

There’s so much out there. If this is what I really want to do, then all I need to do is take the first step.

Thanks universe, I love your endless sparkling craziness.

http://www.getup.org.au/campaign/SaveTheNet/442

Please click the above link to visit a site where you can sign a petition against the censorship of the internet in Australia. 

From the website:

The Federal Government is planning to force all Australian servers to filter internet traffic and block any material the Government deems ‘inappropriate’. Under the plan, the Government can add any ‘unwanted’ site to a secret blacklist.

Testing has already begun on systems that will slow our internet by up to 87%, make it more expensive, miss the vast majority of inappropriate content and accidentally block up to 1 in 12 legitimate sites.

There is more information on the site, but basically, they want us all to be net shrooms. As if our internets here isn’t slow enough, they’re going to slow it down even more AND make it more expensive. 

Are they trying to make us into ignorant idiots? Because this is the best way to go about it. You can’t block out the entire world. My analogy is that this new plan is the equivalent of passing a legislation that means that everyone in Australia has to have both their hands cut off, to stop murderers. The fact is, if the murderers want to murder, they’re going to find a way around it. And in the end, it means a lot of inconvenience to everyone else in the country who ISN’T doing anything wrong.

I am in love with mangoes.

Ever since we got back from Europe, I’ve been having mangoes whenever I can. Lunch and dinner most days (we’ve only been back for a week). They are pretty expensive. Last week they were being sold at Coles for $3.96 each, and at Woolworths for $1.99 each. Now, Woolworths is also selling them for $3.96 each! Rip off! Don’t they know we’re in a recession? We need to give the economy a boost, not beat it down further!

Mangoes are so good for several reasons. First off, they smell like Christmas holidays, like summertime, like picnics on the headland at the beach. They taste like Christmas morning, like camping out in your own backyard with your cousins who’ve come to stay for the holidays, like swinging out over the tops of the saplings on the homemade swing on the huge gumtree in the middle of the backyard, or like jumping on the trampoline with five other kids from the neighbourhood, and not learning the lesson when someone got hurt.

That’s a lot to attribute to the smell and taste of a mango, I know. I guess I’m using it as the physical manifestation of everything that I love about Christmastime. I’m hopelessly nostalgic.

Shhhh.

I’m a little tired, my ankle is a little sore. My right index fingertip is stinging. Um… Not sure what else I can complain about right now. Today is Thursday, the day before Friday, the day before my favourite day of the week. Friday rocks my socks because the weekend and all its possibilities are stretched out before me. There are still two whole nights being non-weeknights. Sunday is a little bit sucky. Despite the fact that it’s a lazy day most weeks, it’s too close to the end of the weekend, and the sudden, cold drop back into work mode. Like waking up by someone splashing your face with cold water. Out of this dream land for me!

I’m so happy words exist. I’m so glad that I can learn new words whenever I like. Making them stick in my brain is another thing altogether, but for the most part I seem to do okay.

To our postman – on rainy days, instead of leaving the mail half sticking out of our mailbox, how about taking that extra half a second to push it all the way in, thus ensuring that our mail isn’t completely soaked by the time we return home from work?

To the people who restock the paper towels in the bathrooms at work – how about NOT refilling the paper towel dispenser to bursting point, so that people don’t have to rip the paper out bit by bit, and can actually dry their hands without wasting a million sheets in the process?

Thanks. I’m obviously still jetlagged. I think. Or else I’m just grumpy. Hmph.

The title of this post is a quote from the Singapore Merlion. We can’t actually see the merlion from where we are (at Changi airport) but, you know, that’s exactly what it would say.

Noelle and I are currently on a stopover in Singapore, waiting for our flight to Barcelona. Apparently we have a quick stop in Milan before heading on to Barcelona. Another international airport to add to my “airports I have visited” list. I haven’t made that list yet, but you can bet when I do that I’ll be putting Milan on it.

Anyway, I’m going to head off now. More later!

Before I go any further, let me just offer this:

Don’t get me wrong. I, personally, do not hate sandcastles. I quite like them. I also like this kid. The thing I find funny about it is that, after I laughed at his expression, I then noticed that it looks like he’s been eating sand. I don’t think he really hates sandcastles, I think he loves them, but in a culinary sense. Perhaps his hatred is a front, an excuse for the destruction, then afterwards he’s like, “well, it’s ruined, you won’t mind if I take a piece. Nomnomnom.”

So anyway, on with what I actually meant to say… Tim is on his way home as I type this! YAY! I think he won’t be in the best of moods when he gets in, because his plane from LA to Sydney was delayed by about two hours, so he’s going to miss his connecting flight from Sydney to Brisbane. He had caught an earlier flight from New York to LA, because he was worried about making his LA to Sydney flight. LAX can be a real bitch for connections, because they’re so pedantic and annoying. Plus it’s just a stupid airport (so I’ve heard, from several different people). So I know he’ll be tired and fed up, but I’m just going to be so happy to have him home.

A slight deviation – If you are doing an image search, check out this site: Flickr Related Tag Browser

So, this has been Tim’s journey:

Brisbane -> Tokyo -> Singapore ->London -> Frankfurt -> Paris -> London -> Boston -> New Hampshire -> Boston -> New York -> Philadelphia -> New York -> LA -> Sydney -> Brisbane

All that in three weeks. I think that list is right… It’s just the side trips I’m not 100% sure of.

Chris came over this afternoon and hung out for a while. We watched Little People, Big World (there was a weekend marathon of LPBW on) and talked about things. Then, Noelle arrived and we had to stop talking about her and talk about something else. Just kidding. We still talked about her. Not. Ok. I’m going to stop that doubletalk now. It was a lot of fun hanging out with Chris and Noelle, and Po. We watched the Pilot episode of “Dead Like Me”, and then Chris went home to his Doon but Noelle and I kept watching episode after episode of Dead Like Me. I really like it. The girl looks like she’s about 15, but she has weird, grown-up hands. They’re creepy, but it really fits in with the whole grim reaper theme. It reminds me of one of the radio shows of Ricky, Karl and Steve when they were talking about how they had watched that interview with Michael Jackson, where that guy followed him around and you got to see what his life consisted of. When they asked Karl’s opinion on Michael Jackson, he said, “‘e’s got big ‘ands, ain’t ‘e?” (substitute the extra apostrophes for ‘h’ in case you’re not familiar with his accent). Ricky and Steve laughed at Karl, just one more in a long line of extreme non-sequiturs. I can’t listen to the podcasts without laughing out loud. Sometimes I have to stop what I’m doing so that I can concentrate on not laughing too loud, because when I’m listening to the shows I am at work. It’s my escape from the daily grind (like Gloria Jeans wants to be, but we have a coffee machine in the lunch room at work so why would I go all the way to Gloria Jeans to escape the daily grind, there’s not even one near my work.)

I’m really tired. Here is another funny picture (I find it funny. Actually, I find it hilarious. I’m not sure why. Don’t get mad at me if you don’t find it as amusing as I did):

I think I really like that the thing behind it is so ugly, and the text is small and plain, and you could sort of imagine that kitten saying that. If you’re great at anthropomorphising like I am. Not as great as Karl Pilkington, who apparently saw a bee have a heart attack (because London is so stressful and all). Karl also said that ginger cats are always fat (you never see a skinny ginger cat, according to Karl) because life’s more stressful for them than other cats, because they would get picked on for being ginger. He also said they always look ‘fed up’.

Lauren and Nathan are coming over tomorrow morning to hang out before we go get Tim from the airport. Yay!

Tim and I are engaged as of 31st May, 2008!

We haven’t done the whole “official announcement” thing, if there is such a one, but I’m just putting it out there right now.

I haven’t written a blog entry for a while because I’ve been a bit despondent about things – namely, Anthony’s death, but the more recent issue that has me down is the fact that Tim is so far away and won’t be back until the 22nd June. I feel ill-equipped to cope with things on my own, but I have been speaking to Tim every day, and he just bought a webcam today from Singapore airport and so we’ll be able to have video calls now also. We chatted for a while tonight when he was in the Qantas/British Airways lounge waiting for his flight to London, and it was really good to actually be able to see him. It made me feel less alone.

Also, Noelle has been staying over quite a bit, and she bought Dexter a couple of days ago for us to watch because the movie we planned on seeing wasn’t even out yet, so we went home and watched the pilot for Dexter, and I have spent the rest of the weekend watching the entire season. I just finished the finale this evening. I will have to check and see when it’s on paytv.

Also, Lauren, Nathan, Rosie and I went to Yum Cha this morning. I had a good time, I felt happy and positive for a little while. Everyone laughed at me for not knowing that “ranga” and “ginga” meant the same thing, and not knowing that “ranga” was short for “orangutan”. It made me laugh, the fact that they’re now being connected to orangutans, but I guess it’s logical. Sort of. I can’t wait until Nathan sorts out his photoshop issues and makes the fullmetal jacket parody.

I am sooo tired. I will go to bed in a minute.

I didn’t go to any other things this weekend. I don’t really feel up to social interaction. That’s a stupid place to be, I know, but right now I’m working on doing things that make me feel okay, and that’s all I can do for now. Sorry to Noelle, for not going to your Cardboard party, and sorry to Chris & Doon, for not going to your drinkies tonight. You know I’d totally be there if I was feeling like myself.

I really need some sleep.

Here are my survival probabilities:

Today was rainy. This is the most floody I have seen the Valley.

Pictures by Bruce Long. Taken on Ann Street in Fortitude Valley today.

Coooool. 

Happiness is a bell ringing
At the back of your throat
And when you open your mouth
Shiny sounds tumble out!

Those who told you
“Life is lived through sunshine alone!”
Will stay silent when night falls
And they don’t know how to live!

I watched them all gather in a corner
Pronouncing us a lost cause
And, with a sigh, moving on.
Next order of business! …
Killing time!
Minute taker, take an hour
I’ve got no use for all this time
The day’s stretched out before me
Like a blank page
And me without a pen!

I followed the path but it
turned out to be a furrow in
a field of angry red flowers,
where I am standing, dismayed
and disenchanted.
I followed a path of angry followers on
an angry mission to rid the world
of amibvalence
Anything to feel something!

There was smoke curling in tendrils
From the corners of your mouth
You were on fire and I was
on the edge of my seat
But you are all burnt out and black inside.

That’s how I began.

Wait for the green to start over again, and
it will grow. It won’t become what you want it to be,
but I was much more impresed by the ending anyway.
Tell me again.