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I hate Gmail (not forever, just right now)

Animals, Emo, Family, Food, Friends, Going out, Links, Music, Work No Responses »

Apr 092007

I haven’t been able to access my Gmail account since day before yesterday, and it’s starting to annoy me. It’s very inconvenient. The odd part is, I can see the summary of my inbox on my personalised Google homepage, but as soon as I click on any of the links to access it, no dice. I did a google search for “gmail down”, and came up with a google user group which was set up to let people know when Gmail is down so that they don’t go crazy and think it’s them. I could access this site yesterday, but today the page won’t load. Several other possible links that I might like to view for reassurance are also not displaying. I’m wondering what’s going on. Anyone have any idea?

On a brighter note, this long weekend has been FUN. Friday I hung out with Tim. Saturday afternoon Ro & I had breakfast in the Valley with Chris & Doonz and checked out the markets. Saturday evening, dad came up from Yamba and we had Indian take-out from Scheherezade Restaurant in Morningside (they are really good), and then we went out to John & Pai & Dan’s housewarming. It was really good to catch up with Pai (who I haven’t seen in aaaages) and John, and meet new people etc.

We left the party to go to Lolly’s bday celebrations in the Valley at about 12:30am. These had started off at Mustang Bar, but by that time had migrated to 299. I’ve been to 299 a few times, and the very first time we went (around the time of my birthday last year) it was so much fun. The next couple of times I went there, however, the only music they played was dirgy crap (I am very aware that it’s an emo club). This time though, it was more of how it had been that very first time. They played lots of fun songs. As we were leaving, “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand started playing, and Lauren, Nathan & I went back upstairs again to dance .

I, as per usual, drunkenly stated my intention of walking home rather than wait in line for a cab for an hour. Nathan & Lauren ended up convincing me to go back to their place and stay in their spare room, since we would be going over to their place for lunch Easter Sunday anyway. So, we got back to theirs at about 3:00am, and didn’t end up getting to sleep until 4:30am, because we started playing Singstar and I guess that time flies when you’re drunk and having fun doing stupid shit. (I will almost never play Singstar when I am sober – it’s about as awkward to me as watching Mr. Bean. I’m not sure why…)

I woke up at about 7:00am feeling tired but otherwise fine (I love my liver). Lauren was fine too, but Nathan was pretty sick, and didn’t make it to church with the others. Dad ended up coming over and picking me up so I could go home and get changed into fresh clothes, and maybe have a nap before lunchtime.

Lunch was nice. Lauren made caesar salad, Glynis cooked a quiche and potato salad, and also cheesecake for dessert (I can has cheezcake?). We went home at about 2:30pm. I had a shower and laid down on my bed to read for a bit, but fell asleep almost immediately and didn’t wake up again until 6:30pm, when Dad had already left to drive Rosie to work then head back down the Coast. I’m a bit sad that I didn’t get to say goodbye to him before he left.

Ever wondered what a melted wheelie bin would look like? While on our way from the car to the mall for breakfast on Saturday, I spotted this in a carpark beside the footpath, just down from the Tibetan kitchen. “Those beers are from my work!” Rosie said. “Someone got drunk at my work and then came here and set this bin on fire!”. That’s lame.

This is the little gingy cat that lives in Abuklea Street, near the Wilston train station. I usually see it on my way to the train in the mornings, and sometimes in the afternoons. In the afternoons, it is on the other side of the road. It’s smart because it knows which side of the road to be on at which time of day to get pats. It’s really friendly. If you go near it, it will miaow and wait for you to pat it.

So now it’s Monday. I’ve got quite a bit to do today (washing, cleaning etc) before work tomorrow. I think I should get started. I’ll probably post some more later today, but for now I’m going to put some laundry on

Esse quam videri — To be rather than to seem

Friends, Work No Responses »

Mar 312007

This is a follow-up post to “Greedy reductionism – know any zealots who need a wake-up call?” concerning the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. I received an email from Neil further supporting Tim’s POV, so I thought it would only be fair to post the details…

From: Neil P
Sent: Friday, 30 March 2007 4:03 PM
To: Cassandra Brisbane
Subject: Thought I’d just take umbrage with….

I noticed you had your own blog so I took a look.

Tim and I had an interesting discussion about the saying “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts” over email. I originally said that I didn’t agree with the saying, that it wasn’t really feasible and was just bad maths. After thinking about it a while, I came up with this:

As a systems engineer, I can categorically (and beyond shadow of a doubt) state that the “whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts”. I use this quote (from Aristotle) to demonstrate this point in the systems engineering presentations I give.

Case in point. A car. A car is a complex system that relies on the integration of many components to realise its greater function. The engine, on its own, has no real purpose, i.e. without the surrounding infrastructure it has no real use. Similarly the gearbox, the chassis, the doors etc. Even down to the nuts and bolts that bolt it all together. Meaningless as an individual commodity, meaningful in the wider context.

All systems are the same and they do not have to be thought of in terms of cars, planes, trains. The legal system, for example, is the collection of disconnected meaningless things that take on meaning when assembled as a whole.

So in summary:

Don’t argue with Aristotle!

From: Cassandra Brisbane
Sent: Friday, 30 March 2007 4:11 PM
To: Neil
Subject: RE: Thought I’d just take umbrage with….

I was just thinking… mathematically speaking, it doesn’t really work. 2+2 will never = 5. As each number has a specific value, the whole will always equal exactly the sum of its parts.

From: Neil
Sent: Friday, 30 March 2007 4:30 PM
To: Cassandra Brisbane
Subject: RE: Thought I’d just take umbrage with….

Disagree:

1) 2 apples plus 2 apples is 4 apples. 4 apples constitute the same thing and don’t combine to make anything greater. When you add 1 egg, 1 quantity of flour and 1 quantity of pastry, you may have eight or nine physical items. As individual components, they exist in their own space with a limited meaning. Combined, the systemic meaning changes.

So mathematics does not come into it. It is the intangible nature of the interconnectivity/interrelationship between the components that serve to add the systemic meaning. While I can connect things together and express them mathematically, I can only ever express them as a complex function. Modelling does exactly this. All a model is, is a mathematical representation of a system. I have created mathematical models to show, for a given input, what the given output would be for a system. The systems I reduced to mathematical functions were relatively simple but the mathematics gets tricky. Did you know that 99% of integrals cannot be solved?

So mathematics cannot account for the intangible nature that is associated with the interconnection of independent components. It’s like the soul – tangibly, it weighs 13grams. We can reduce it to meaning. But most academics would agree that the soul itself cannot be expressed as a whole by the assignment of a man-made constant to it. It has an intangible quality that cannot be quantified in itself. Systems are the same.

So, i’ve given the whole thing pretty good coverage, and haven’t censored anything that would make me look uninformed. Because, y’all already knew that, right?

Anyway, I had a look at the usage stats for my blog, and at some of the search string referrers. I don’t know how “superted glasses” brings them to my site. In most cases (as with most searches that lead to blog posts) I don’t think that they found what they were looking for.

It’s totally the weekend right now! I’m totally going to go do some laundry and stuff!

Greedy reductionism – know any zealots who need a wake-up call?

Friends, Work No Responses »

Mar 292007

There were two ants on my desk running around and playing and having fun. Gail said that she thinks the ants have come in because of the weather. Usually ants hanging around are an indication that wet weather is coming.

Tim and I had an interesting discussion about the saying “The whole is greater than the sum of its parts” over email. I originally said that I didn’t agree with the saying, that it wasn’t really feasible and was just bad maths. After thinking about it a while, I came up with this:

I was thinking about that “greater than the sum of its parts” thing last night, and I have come to the conclusion that it does work in things where value is not entirely quantifiable. But then again, if you can’t find the value for something, how do you even know if the total is greater than the sum of the individual parts? A good example is voltron. The whole is definitely greater than the sum of the parts. But am I de-valuing the pilots and their goLions by saying that? The opinion of a group is worth more than an that of just one individual (or so history would prove), so that might be another example. Not that I actually believe that. I think that it’s more a case of that it’s difficult to get someone to listen to you unless you’ve got other people to back you up.

Tim responded with:

That’s an interesting take. I guess when I think of the saying ‘the whole is greater than the sum of its parts’ I would see it as relating to the parts relevant to that task rather than the overall value of the part. Physically you can’t get something from nothing but if something has a superfluous or redundant feature when in isolation but that feature can work when used together with other parts I think the saying can hold. Or I could just be full of it, take your pick!

I chose “full of it”, just because I was given the option. Actually just because I can be obnoxious sometimes.

When I searched wikipedia for any possible theories on it, I found the Bailey-Borwein-Plouffe formula, which made me amused by my own ignorance. There are so many things in the world that I have no idea exist. Look here:

The Bailey-Borwein-Plouffe formula (BBP formula) permits the computation of the nth binary digit of π. It is a π summation formula discovered in 1995 by Simon Plouffe. The formula is named after David H. Bailey, Peter Borwein, and Simon Plouffe.

The discovery of this formula came as a surprise. For centuries it had been assumed that there was no way to compute the nth digit of π without calculating all of the preceding n-1 digits.

Yes, I guess that I would be surprised too! You mean that nth DOES compute? I imagine a group of mathmagicians all crowded around a whiteboard with scribbled numbers and symbols on it, and suddenly they all go, “omg!” And it just blows their mind. Or they say, “gosh, what a surprise!” haha. I don’t know why I find that amusing.

I did find an actual reference to the saying, but it was only in ecological anthropology, whereas I was looking for a more blanket explanation/definition. Or just a blanket. One with hot air balloons on it (for Chris: Ballooens).

The most modest meece of all

Animals, Electronics, Family, Friends, Pictures, Work No Responses »

Mar 272007

I had so many expense claim tetris games to play today. It was awesome. I know I’ll have at least one tomorrow. I think end of month time brings with it thoughts of reimbursement to all the little salespeople, and visions of dollar signs dance in their heads. That’s fine with me. I love being productive and having things to do that I know the process for. I also like being able to make up processes, but sometimes it can be quite tedious. I suppose I’d never thought about it before, because I’ve never been involved in this side of things (I’ve always only worked for companies already well established in their ways) but creating processes is hard work. Especially when you haven’t been trained in that area.

I have to play with Visio tomorrow, to try and figure it out. I’m self-taught in almost every computer program that I use, so I definitely have faith in my abilities. I think that computers are designed so that you can learn how to do things yourself, unless you’re part of the baby boomer generation. Mum says, “How do I get into my email? is it this big ‘E’ for Email?” (pointing at the icon for IE). I guess she was right, technically, but it wasn’t her flawed logic that made it so.

A picture of Cal in his job interview stuff. Go Cal! I miss you heaps When the animals at the zoo have babies, I’m so coming to visit. I recommend you purchase some animal pheromones and use a spray bottle to get them all going. Then they should have babies by Spring. Wait…. that’ll happen anyway, right? Scrap that, I don’t want the animal rights activists after me. I got kind of annoyed at J & the Doctor for spreading outrageous propaganda about the plight of honey bees. Do some research GOSH! I’m glad that the beekeeper rang up and talked about how much he loved his bees. It was very heartwarming.

How funny is this headboard? Worst headboard ever! (said in comic-book store guy voice) What is the point? I’m going to put a few random images on here just so people can randomly look at random things, like the random mattresses in the carpark of someone’s complex. No, I didn’t write about you in my blog. I bet you think this song is about you!

Ok, a quick story about this image. I simply don’t get this comic at all. It’s not funny. It doesn’t make sense. And yet, I have it stuck up on the wall at work and it makes me laugh almost every day. I can’t explain it. It’s inexplicable.

Get off the stage, Charita!

Family, Friends, Going out, Links, Money, Work 3 Responses »

Mar 182007

I’ve been absent-minded lately. Ashleigh called me out to reception and held the receiver of the phone out to me. Usually this means that I have a call (because I don’t have a phone at my desk since it’s only temporary). So, I said “hello?” and the person on the other end started talking, saying “oh hi Cassandra, I was just calling to let you know that so-and-so’s flights will need to be booked today…” and all the while I’m saying “ok, yeah, hmm” and then she said “well, I guess I’ll try get in contact with you later. If you get this before I’ve tried again, could you please give me a call back on blah blah blah…” and so I said “no, wait! I’m here!” I thought that she had been diverted through to voicemail, and Ashleigh was sitting there laughing at me. She said “it’s a message you freak!” And that was embarrassing. Because I didn’t know! But yeah, it is a bit funny I guess.

I’m trying to think of things that are making me feel either peaceful or happy at the moment. One thing that I like is when I have to remove staples from documents at work, and the staples stay on the staple remover. For some reason, it makes me feel like I’ve achieved something when I have a row of staples all stuck on the prongs of the staple remover.

Also, when I receive expense claims from people, I stick the receipts onto pieces of A4 paper so that I can photocopy lots of them at once, and they’re easier to keep together. It’s satisfying when I can fit a lot of receipts onto one piece of paper. It’s sort of like playing tetris or something. I’ll probably be over it in a while and I’ll be all “GOSH idiot!” but for now it’s good.

Noelle and I went out with a few other people last night for St. Paddy’s Day. Neither of us were wearing any green or orange, but we felt very patriotic and showed this by drinking lots of alcohol in true Irish style. At least, I did. I was home in bed by 11:30pm (successful night out! I’m so hardxxcore! not.) but I still had fun. I enjoyed meeting new people, and seeing others who I hadn’t seen in a while.

This is Noe and I doing our best Blue Steels. Or maybe they’re Magnums… I can’t remember. Anyway, I can’t tell you how much this means to me to be the first recipient of this beautiful award. With this ’slash’ award, it means that you consider me the best actor/model, and not the other way around. Speaking of Fabio, of all the people to get hit in the face with a seagull while on a rollercoaster, it happening to him was just so poetic. I remember American Liz laughing about it hysterically when we were at dinner in … Innsbruck maybe?

Oh and just so you know, I have now gone as blonde as I can go (for the moment. In another six/seven weeks, I can be even blonder). I’m thinking that I will go back to my natural colour, then exist in that for a while. Then, if I honestly feel that I want to go dark again, and I’m willing to live through the four – five month wait and $500.00 cost to get back to blonde again, at least I’ll be able to make a more informed decision. I’ve become informed by experience about a lot of things lately.

I’m still sad, but the pockets of happiness are growing. Here is a quote from Anna’s blog which describes the way that I have been feeling lately. I’m not really up to the end bit yet, but I can see the possibility which I think is the start:

It’s like a bushfire ravaging your insides… uncontrollable, searing heat and chaos. Finally the fire dies down, the embers turn from red to black and only the ashes remain. And everything inside is silent, the colour of charcoal and ashes… empty. It starts to rain and you are swamped with the drip drip drip of disappointment, not really knowing how to wade through it to drier land. Then slowly the runoff is soaked up, fades away, and small buds start to peek through the blackness … something new is growing. And then you see it and marvel at the wonder of it all, how new life could possibly find its way through all that devastation. And then you start to feel some pieces of happiness again. The hard part is the first part, the fire, the embers, the ashes. But the emergence of the seeds is truly an amazing thing! Just as good as the smell of spring.

What I have realised I can learn from this new environment, new situation, new life journey:
Whether I truly like the company I keep in the empty moments. If I can disappoint another to be true to myself. If I can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray my own soul. If I know what it is that sustains me, from the inside, when all else falls away. If I know what being true to myself looks like in daily practice.

I think, out of everything that I lost sight of from losing myself to something so strong, the hardest to get back was my sense of self, and the sense that me as me is okay. In fact, better than okay. Me being me, being true to myself, is the best it gets. Doing things that fulfill me, feeling strong and empowered… these are the things that I need to get back. Although I still feel the pain, I can feel it without regret. I can appreciate the time that we were together. I won’t lose myself to bitterness. I can be honest with myself about this, and concentrate on looking after myself for a while. These realisations can only happen when we are able to accept the situation. When we are able to learn the lessons, however painful they might be. Julia said, “you can step into the pain, but don’t immerse yourself in it.” This is true. I might need to cry sporadically, but crying purges a little of the pain at a time, and leaves room for new growth. What grows is a new part of me that is stronger, more self-sufficient, more aware.

It’s not about going out and finding a rebound. I can’t use people that way. And I don’t want meaningless encounters. I’m too inwardly-focussed for that to do anything for me at all, and I know that from past experience that it only makes me feel like I’ve devalued myself. I’m lucky to have so many people around who are looking out for me. You are all my angels.

Watch this space! —-> ______

Celebration, Family, Friends, Work 3 Responses »

Feb 092007

New job! F— yeah!

Stay tuned for more details! Some celebrating shall be done tonight for those who are wild enough, those who are meek will have to stay at home. This translated means that I’ll be out in the Valley tonight. You can come congratulate me, if you so desire!

Also, for those not inclined to vivacious partying tonight, I’ll also be organising a dinner sometime soon, either at my house or at a restaurant (upside of my house: you don’t have to pay, downside of my house: i do). I’ll let you all know via email or text. If the former, I may even include voting buttons. Yay

Okaaaay! More on this later!

Whatever I feel like I wanna do, GOSH!

Cynicism, Music, Nostalgia, Summer, Weather, Work No Responses »

Jan 312007

I’m in love with Dashboard, Modest Mouse’s new song. I forgot how much I liked their music, because I listened to it too much when I first got into it and then I got bored. BORING! It sucks that their new album isn’t out yet. I want Red Riders album “Replica Replica” as well.

It’s so hot. I have vague memories of different ways I’ve coped with the heat over the years. It’s really only been an issue since I’ve moved to Brisbane, because Yamba doesn’t get this hot since it’s coastal, and if it does, then there’s the coast right there and you can just go for a swim.

I remember living at the beach during summer holidays. Sometimes we’d go to the Tea Tree Creek (true name: Mara Creek), just off the track to Back Beach. The water there was the colour of cola, and it was really good for your skin and hair. I used to be afraid that there were dead bodies hiding under the surface because you couldn’t see the bottom of the creek since the water was so dark. Sometimes a ghostly white tree branch would lodge itself on the opposite bank, looking exactly like some cadaver’s arm or leg protuding from the water. Eeek!

Other times, we’d sit at home with the fans on high, soak tea towels in water and then freeze them, and lay with the frozen tea towels on our foreheads. When we went to school, mum would put a frozen washer in a plastic bag in our cooler bags so that we could cool off after running around at lunch time. They were good on the bus home from Grafton when we were in high school, because most of the time the bus didn’t have airconditioning and we were packed in like sardines.

Sometimes, driving home along the road from Grafton to Maclean, after the Shark Creek Deviation, you could see dolphins swimming up the river that ran beside the road.

So anyway, speaking of places which should have had air conditioning and didn’t, I’d like to express my severe and total disappointment in work right now. Is that too specific? Have I said too much? Are the googlers going to come and get me now?

Go back to whatever rock you crawled out from under

Beach, Family, Food, Friends, Going out, Movies, Work 3 Responses »

Jan 182007

I’ve been a bit lazy with my blog entries lately. Here is an update of things that have happened…

Friday morning, our cousin Laura arrived from Adelaide to stay with us for eight days. Christian drove us out to the airport (to de aaeee paaaart) to collect her. Friday night, Christian’s mum took us out for dinner at Jupiters to thank us for helping with the moving and settlement of their house. The food was delicious, and the drinks were cheap. What more could anyone ask?

Saturday night, Chris and Willy had drinks for Willy’s birthday. Originally, these drinks were supposed to happen at Chris’ old place in New Farm. But since they felt they couldn’t really have a good time with Chris’ housemate’s furniture all over the place, it was changed to be at New Farm Park. Then, because it might rain, and also because no one could drink in New Farm Park, Chris and Willy decided to rent a room at the Formule (it’s for mules, Willy, for mules!) 1 motel just up the road from us in Windsor. $65.00 a night – cheap cheap! Chris was embarrassed because he was wearing black & white checkered shorts, and he didn’t realise that he looked like an Indy girl and he was staying at a racing motel. All the complications and decisions and revisions aside, and despite the fact that the room smelled not-so-faintly of old man and urine, it ended up being a super-fun night, with lots of exploring the hallways that reminded us of The Shining; throwing cheese squares; Willy dirty-dancing with the bunk-bed; Willy thrusting at Noelle’s face; Lauren and Noelle trying 20-second poses competition; and the squashing of cheese into the floor which was the only way we could tell which room we were in when we got drunk and went exploring.

Sunday, feeling none too worse for wear, found us getting up early for a day at Caloundra. We got there mid-morning and went straight in for a swim at Bulcock beach. It was a perfect beach day. Christian showed us how we could swim and not get anywhere because the current was so strong. Clare showed us that sand is a good exfoliant by surreptitiously putting handfuls of it down everyones’ swimmers. We had a picnic lunch a bit further up, in a nice grassy area near a playground. Then we went for a final swim in a beach that had some small waves which Christian tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, to bodysurf, and then packed up and headed home.

I’ve got really bad sunburn. Sucks to be me!

The drive home was interesting. Laura went completely hyper and provided entertainment for the trip, with her hatred of station wagons somehow providing a new, more logical name for them: “dick-shaped cars”. Eg. “Hey Kirsty, wanna have a razz in the back of my dick-shaped car?” (Razz=root in bogan Yamba vernacular).

This week has been fairly hectic for me. I’ve had a couple of agency interviews, my CV has been sent to numerous jobs on Seek, I’ve typed, Worded, and Excelled my little heart out, and I’ve been plagued by an indecision that’s threatened my sanity (though it’s not hard to threaten that. I seem to have such a tenuous grip on reality that even a kitten shaped like a drum kit could send me over the edge).

My favourite job agency so far is Davidsons. The consultant I’ve been dealing with, Krissy, is quite possibly the nicest, most supportive I’ve ever dealt with out of any agency. I’m currently waiting to hear back from her on a couple of possibilities. I hope that I find employment through them because they are an excellent recruitment company to deal with.

Apart from the job interviews, the work situation has been pretty stress-free this week. Apart from today, that is, but I’m not even going to open that can of worms. I think the reason I haven’t been as stressed is because I can see the end from here, I can see all of this no longer being an issue for me. Before it seemed I was just treading water, and I’d continue doing that until I exhausted myself and drowned. I was sure that this was going to be my last week of work. I was sure that I was going to just say, on Friday, “Today’s my last day. Thanks for the opportunity, but I won’t be continuing my employment here.” I’m hesitating because the future is unknown, and the unknown is scary, especially when the past tells me that I might have to wait three weeks to get another job. I don’t think that will happen, because there’s so much temp work out there that, even if I don’t find another job straight away, I shouldn’t be without something to keep the coffers filled until I find that perfect role (it’s never gonna happen, Cass!). Well, perfect for now anyway. I’d like to be able to respect my employer, because I find I am able to work much harder for someone that I respect. And I feel that I will never be able to do that again where I am now. There’s a lot of lost faith, a lot of resentment, and a lot of bitterness. The only thing that stops me from regretting ever accepting the job in the first place is the people that I’ve met there. My friends. Ben, Calum, Mel, Nic, Aileen… all very important to me, and probably the one thing that’s stopped me from going insane lately. Thanks for being there to commiserate. I will miss you lots.

Okay, so up to now. Last night, we had a Thai food & DVD night at ours with Lauren, Nathan, Christian, Clare, Noelle, Laura, The Baby, & me. We watched Clerks II, which Christian and I had already seen but enjoyed it so we didn’t mind watching it again. It’s a pretty good movie – not as angsty as the first one (according to Nathan. I can’t really remember, I watched it that long ago.) All i remember from the first clerks is…

BIG AMERICAN PARTY!!!!!!!!!

Just the facts

Angst, Animals, Family, Friends, Health, Travel, TV, Work No Responses »

Jan 072007

I haven’t really felt like writing for the past couple of weeks. I guess I haven’t really had anything I needed to get off my chest or vent about. Not surprising considering that I wasn’t at work. These have been the most relaxing two weeks of my entire year, that I can remember anyway. Tomorrow marks my first day back at work. I’m trying not to think about it, which is pretty difficult for me because whenever I’m anxious or stressed about something, I tend to work my way through every possible scenario in my head to prepare myself for whatever could happen. It doesn’t work, so I stress myself out for nothing. I’m trying to not pre-empt and let things eventuate on their own, and just take things as they come. I’m not saying that I’m being very successful, but the point is that I’m making an effort. I think.

I thought I would sum up 2006 for me with the major events of my life.

1. Stepped on foreign soil for the very first time
In January of last year, Lauren and I flew to Heathrow via Brunei and Dubai from Brisbane. It was the most exhilarating, exciting, eye-opening and overwhelming experience of my life thus far. We visited 9 countries in 12 days via Contiki tour, and then added another one to our list by booking cheap flights through Ryanair (their planes were scary) and flying to Ireland. We also did a quick three-day visit to Berlin, and then toured some of the English countryside on our last couple of weeks in the UK.

2. Completely re-evaluated my life
It may not seem like it, but when I got back from our overseas trip, I felt as though I had changed fundamentally. I was no longer the same person that had left Australia six weeks earlier. I felt that I needed people to see me for who I was, as someone new, and treat me accordingly, or I would fall into the trap of acting the same as I had before and being the old me simply because that’s the way people were treating me. I went through a dark time of depression when I tried to reintegrate into my old life – settling back into the old routine of work, sleep, work, sleep, ad infinitum. I felt that I was wasting my life. I desperately wanted to be learning, to be at university or just somewhere else different entirely from my old life. I wanted to escape and keep travelling, either change the world or make a huge change in my own life.

Despite my current work situaion, I’m much happier now. I still feel unfulfilled, but I see it as a good thing because I know that there is more out there for me. I’m looking forward to learning and developing myself in other areas, and discovering which path I should be walking to get to where I want to go. I just know that the next job for me is just waiting for me to reach out and grab it.

3. Broke my arm
This was a huge thing for me. I seem to have quite a lot of injuries, but nothing that’s really obvious. Everything that I have is long term and I’ve learnt to deal with whatever effect it has on my life. In early June, I was playing around on Rosie’s new(ish) skateboard in the downstairs part of the house. The statistics of injuries involving skateboards or the title of this point should make it obvious what happened. I tried to tic-tac, and then ended up flying through the air and landing very hard on my arm, with it twisted around behind my back. It was broken in three places, as I found out later. Anyway, I eventually (about two hours later) got to the hospital, and a couple of weeks later I had to go back in for an operation to have my wrist re-set and so they could drill into my bone to screw bits of metal to it. The pain after the operation, when I was at home recovering, was so bad that I would just lie on a mattress in the lounge room writhing around and whimpering. After they took the recovery cast off, I had to wear a splint for eight weeks. My recovery was fairly speedy apparently, but my left wrist will never be as strong as my right wrist.

4. Dinna died
My beloved cat, Dinna, died on the 14th June 2006. This was also Rosie’s 18th birthday. Dinna had been sick for a while with bladder problems. This day, though, the vet discovered that he actually had a tumour on his spine which was causing all the other problems he was having. He took a sharp turn for the worse and mum called me at work to tell me that the vet recommended he be put down. He was given the injection while I was at work, and mum and Rosie picked me up at about lunch time with Dinna in the car with them, so that we could take him to Lauren & Nathan’s new house to bury him. Dinna was an important part of my life. I’d had him for four and a half years. He’d moved interstate four times since he was a kitten. He was a beautiful cat, loving and affectionate. R.I.P. DeeDee.

5. Another family reunion
Well, a reunion of sorts. I think pretty much everyone travelled to Townsville for Aunty Helen’s 50th birthday celebrations. It was great to spend time with all the cousins again, and to see Laura all grown up and FUNNY! And to see Luke and his fiancee Kate (they’re now married) and Francis and his girlfriend Bron (now engaged – getting married on the 24th March). It’s strange seeing people have changed so much while you’ve been too busy concentrating on living your own life. You don’t realise that other people are getting on with theirs until you meet up again… So I’ve grown up quite a bit, but so has everyone else. It was so good to see everyone, even Norm & Yvonne came up from Leeton for the weekend. I went home early because I got sick, which started the conspiracy theory that I always get sick at these big family events (this one was the hat trick).

6. Lauren and Nathan got engaged
I think everyone knew it was going to happen, it was just a matter of time. Nathan proposed to Lauren on her 25th Birthday this year, on the 20th September, while they were having a special birthday meal at the Three Monkeys in West End. Lauren’s the first of the Brisbane children to get engaged, and she’ll be getting married in January 2008. She’s already acting like the wife, and PeePee is their son.

7. I got a new kitten
Napoleon kitten was born in August some time. I went to collect him from D’Aguila (yeah, where the HELL is that???) on 24th September. He’s a manx kitten, now just growing out of his awkward teenage phase and turning into a real cat (he’s growing into his arms and legs). He’s a bit bitey and scratchy (as anyone who has seen my hands and arms recently can attest), but I’m sure he’ll grow out of it, especially once he’s been … you know what’ed. He is the loudest purring cat ever in the history of the universe, and he has the best smell. Kudos to Christian for the image.

8. Made new friends

Christian and Neo are very special friends, I’m glad to have met them. I’ve learnt a lot about photography, domains, self-aggrandising entries on Wikipedia, fluffyness, fully-grown cats… not to mention Trailer Park Boys, Borat, Bruno, Snow Leopards, and Fawlty Towers. I’ve also been fortunate in meeting wonderful people through work – Calum has been a great source of fun, knowledge, inspiration, and help and reassurance, as has Benyamin. Chris (Chrisanova) is important to me also. I’m lucky to have so many special people in my life.

In summary, this year has been pretty turbulent. There have been periods of nothing much at all, and then periods of everything happening at once. I’ve changed significantly from the person I was at the start of last year, but in many ways I’m still the same. My style has changed, my circles of friends have changed (apart from a few mainstays). Fundamentally, I think I’m still the same. There are things I still aspire to do, and to be, and I hope that this year will see me reaching some of my goals. I’ve got an entire year to look forward to. I’m going to make the best of it!

Noli nothis permittere te terere – Don’t let the bastards wear you down.

Angst, Cynicism, Work 2 Responses »

Dec 242006

So I’m finally getting a break from the stress of work. It doesn’t come without its own stresses, though. Mainly financial worries. The fact that work is so barbaric as to categorically refuse any leave requests over Christmas makes a joke out of their whole philosophy. Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant! – May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy! But I’d better not write anything NEGATIVE about work, how could I ever come up with anything NEGATIVE about the place that so many people have left over the last few weeks? How could I say anything against a place that doesn’t make any effort towards retaining their existing staff, and just treats them like naughty children? No, no, I’d better not, in case someone types something *random* into a search engine that just happens to be a string containing the words casbot (nothing specific about that!) and where I work, and also makes assumptions as to what I would be posting about.

Let me tell you something, those of you who are here from *random* search strings (I’m thinking just to prove that if you trawl through ten pages of irrelevant search results just to find a page with one reference to what you were searching for, I believe just to justify your outrage that I would even write about something that has caused me so much pain in the first place) my blog is the least of your worries. The fact that you’re concerned about my blog being negative publicity, well, it’s ludicrous. I understand you have to protect your interests, but if you thought about it for a bit longer, you might realise that someone being treated badly by who they work for is going to have a far greater circle of influence on business than a blog found through a random search string. The disappointment, the stress, the fact that people around me can see how much I put in to my work and the amount of appreciation, recognition, ANYTHING that I get is aboslutely zero, speaks far more loudly than a few paragraphs written on a blog site as an outlet for the frustration that work causes. If I never spoke another word about how I’m feeling, the obvious effect that this is having on me would be just cause for indignation on the part of my family and friends. How many more people are they going to talk to? Think about a workplace that treats its staff well, and you’ll find that their general reputation in the community is a very positive one. If an employee can vouch for the company they work for, that’s a good sign. People get that.

The fact that my blog is apparently such a threat makes me wonder why my mouth hasn’t been sewn shut. For all I know, that could have been in the fine print, which is so often skimmed over because one might believe that the size of the font may perhaps be relative to the impact that it will have on their life and day-to-day activities.

I’d just like to say that, however it’s dressed up in corporate terms to make it more palatable to the people who are enforcing it, it’s still essentially censorship.

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