On Sunday morning after my birthday party the night before, Chris, Rosie, Noelle, Dad and I went to yum cha in the valley. When we went to pay, Chris realised he needed to get cash out to pay for his share. There is an ATM just near the counter, so he went over to get money out while I paid for the meal. Afterwards, as we were walking down to Chris’ car, he said, “You know that noise of when you run a stick along a fence? Imagine that noise coming out of an Asian man’s ass while you’re standing at the ATM.”
I loled and said, “What do you mean?”
Chris said, “When I was getting money out of the ATM, I heard that noise and thought, ‘I don’t remember there being a fence in here’. Then I turned around and there was an Asian man standing behind me farting, and he just looked around.”
Another amusing Chris anecdote:
Me: If you were an animal, I think you would be a doe.
Chris: Fuck off! I hate birds!
I would qualify his remark but I think that would take away the humour.
Before I had my own website, I used to visit a site where people would submit disturbing search requests that had shown up in their log files, and daydream of a time when I, too, had my own disturbing search requests to submit to this site. I had forgotten about this ambition of mine until a few days ago, when I was looking at my site stats. I am now the proud enabler of various odd searches…
harblz - this one is obvious. But I really need to fix the broken links on my harblz pages. I’m in the process of sending them all over to istoletheinternets
brentality – I have previously written about Brentality in a post after I had been tricked by Captain Jim and X C into believing that there were various levels and rites of passage for the emo/scene crowd. It was a pretty good lie though.
acid rain evil – Well, acid rain is evil, wouldn’t you agree? Or maybe you’re more of the scientific mindset and you’ll say, “acid rain does not have a moral proclivity”. To this I would say “For sooth! Are the factories which spew poisonous chemicals into the air not aware of what they are doing? Has not a fair amount of the population seen ‘An Inconvenient Truth’? Fie! Ye scoundrels, ye scum!” etc.
disturbing apple – It’s ok, apples disturb me too. Especially when they’re on Tool film clips
mario kart ds logo – Though I would hope that my site is used as more than just a Nintendo graphic repository, you’ll take what you can get.
todd blankenship gay - Sorry, I’m not privy to Todd Blankenship’s sexual preference. Perhaps you could ask Jack Handey?
formula computation for carpark charges - So my site was one of the best resources for this? Sounds seriously interesting.
i’m not afraid of nichols park – So someone else isn’t afraid of Nichols Park? I wouldn’t know for sure if I’m not, because I’ve never been there, but I have to trust Sufjan Steven’s opinion on the matter because these are lyrics from one of his songs, and if you write a song about something that means you’re really feelin’ it.
lauren and nathan worth - They are priceless.
maybe it’s the beer talking marge but you got a butt that won’t - quit? is that what you were going to say? Yeah, I know, they’ve got these big chewy pretzels here that are mmfhp dpff … Five dollars? Get outta here…
Wooo I’m tired. Noelle and I are having a picnic in Roma St. Parklands tomorrow. I wonder if it’ll be packed… we’re both broke so it’s going to be a surprise picnic! I went grocery shopping today (hence why I am broke) so I should have a few interesting additions. Perhaps some raw diced lamb? Or maybe a sachet of powdered soy milk? I like being creative in things, it makes me feel like I’m on Jericho and we have to ration our food out. But I’m not going to go all mental over salt, because I don’t even like it. Jees.
I found a couple of old emails from work (not current work, a previous job). There were these boys (I think they were brothers… maybe even twins!) who we used to see walking around, and one of them we called Clark Kent, because we thought he looked like Clark Kent. So anyway, this is our conversation after he walked past….
Me: You know one of those clark kent boys always wears the same stripey jumper? I think you may be onto something – he could actually be superman, because doesn’t superman always wear the same clothes?
Melinda:mmm, you are right… maybe one of us should jmump from a great height and see if he saves us!
Me: Yes, because if you ddie then you won’t know that you hadn’t been saved, and if you are saved then whoopdedo! Superman exists!
Melinda: I am not talking about jumping from the 20th floor, I just mean off my desk!!!
Me: There could be one of those holes in the floor just where you jump (you know those hole that are scattered all over the place?*) and when you land on it, it crumbles and you fall through to the R dept**, then there’s another hole directly under that and you fall through to whatever is underneath R dept, and someone says to R dept, “Can we have Melinda?” and they say, “yep, we’ve got her, but we have to fill out the R forms first” and so you wait, and after a few hours you check with them again and they say “Oh actually, we’ve sent her back to Arbiters***”. So then we have to order you from Arbiters, and this all could have been averted had superman existed!
* We worked in an old building. The floor was in urgent need of repair, and little dents started appearing in the carpet. I’m not sure how this happened. But complaints were made because people would trip over them, especially in high heels, so it became kind of a big deal.
** R Department is another department downstairs from ours.
*** Arbiters is the external storage company we used. Note that this is not the actual name of the storage company. Also, note that this was a daily occurence – we would request something from that department, they would say that yes, they had what we were requesting, and that it would be available to us once they had finished their paperwork. Then you’d check back with them later in the day and it turned out they’d sent the thing you wanted offsite, to our external storage company, which wasted another two days time in getting it back to us. I love workplace efficiency.
My 2nd and 3rd fingers of my right hand (counting from left-right, not including the thumb as one of the fingers) are painful to type with, because I cut them on the lid of a plastic box this afternoon. I don’t know how I manage to do these things, I really don’t.
That email from work reminded me how much I miss the guys I used to work with… Calum has gone down to Melbourne but I’m in pretty regular contact with him, so it’s ok. Melinda I got emails from last week, and I have to email her back so hopefully I have a bit of time to breathe this week at work and not too tired when I get home, and Ben… I haven’t heard from him in ages, not since a couple of weeks after I left work. I miss Benyamin. I get the feeling he may have already left on his overseas trip, and in that case he’ll probably be in much higher spirits than he was when I last spoke to him… The place we were working tended to suck the happiness and life out of people.
Anyway, I’ll see if I can post some pictures from this picnic we’re having tomorrow. If I feel like writing, or whatever. Whatever dude! Tewtally!
There is a man who sells strawberries who comes to our work every now and again with a big tray of strawberry punnets on it. I will usually get some, because they are nice. This week they were especially nice. Did you know that the part of the strawberry that we call the fruit isn’t actually the fruit? It’s classed as an “accessory fruit”. I looked it up on Wikipedia to be sure my mind hadn’t made that up, but it’s true! The actual fruit of the strawberry plant are the little seeds which are on the fleshy receptacle (the red part of the strawberry).
