*Worst Day Ever* (said in comic book store guy voice)

 Electronics, Emo, Family, Friends, Going out, Money, Music, Pictures, Video games, Work  No Responses »
Jul 252006
 

So it was a bad day today. Bad bad day. I woke up late, felt sick this morning, so couldn’t start getting ready until around 7:30am, so didn’t end up catching the bus until 8:30am, didn’t get to work until 9:20am. Shit. This was a continuation of some of the bad feelings from yesterday. I had a bad day and I know I’m being immature and juvenile about it, but maybe I am not capable of reacting in a mature and responsible manner right now. Maybe it’s just not in me to do that. I hate it when a notion comes upon me and makes me feel a certain way, maybe about someone, and I just can’t shake it. And I would give ANYTHING in the world not to feel this way, anything. I would give anything in the world to just forget about it, or to have something waiting on the sidelines for a moment like this so I can grab it and say “See? I don’t actually care! here’s proof!” and even if it wasn’t true, it would be enough for relative normalcy to be reestablished and we could all just fall back into our usual roles, and I wouldn’t have to go over and over and over things in my mind, and feel like an idiot whenever I opened my mouth. I hate this feeling.

Emos have no concept of responsibility. As soon as something is difficult, an emo is nowhere to be found. As we were walking up the hill today, Rosie said “I don’t want to walk up this fucking hill.” But not in a resigned way that’s like, I hate walking up this hill but i know i have to do it to get home but more in a way that was like i hate walking up this hill and i am just waiting for something to come along so that i don’t have to. And she won’t brush her hair so she can get a job. I know that when I heard that song “Get a haircut and get a real job” I thought that it was just mocking conformists, but in all seriousness you really do need to just at least conform to their ideals for while you’re working, and then in your own time you can do what you want. Once you get a job, then test the limits a little bit and see how far you can go, but when you’re initially looking, an effort has to be made. Especially in customer service/sales assistant jobs, which is what all the emo kids would be looking for, if they’re looking for jobs at all and not just living off their parents. My god they’re going to DIE when they leave home and have to fend for themselves. They either curl into a ball and die, or they shed their emo ideals and start living in the real world. I understand this need to be yourself, to represent yourself and to live as you are and not to make apology for it, really I do. And I know that in a perfect world, you would be able to do that. But this is NOT a perfect world. It’s a shitty world. Emos should understand that most out of everyone, because they’re so SENSITIVE and FEELING.

Emoticons:


I will stop now before I cause more problems for myself than I already have. I”m sorry but I needed a rant.

In other news, Calumski & I went to see Nic and her brand new baby today after work. His name is Finn, and he was born last night by C-section, 9lbs. He was so beautiful! I’ve missed Nic, she lends a sort of calmness to the atmosphere at work. I held Finn and he was quiet and beautiful. I forgot to get photos. I am so vague right now. On the way up to the Mother’s hospital, Calum threw his cigarette butt into the bin and said “I don’t think that was fully out”. I said “Imagine if it lit the bin on fire, and they thought it was a bomb, and so they evacuated everyone, patients and everything, from the hospital.”

And when we got to the mother’s hopsital, we had just stepped inside and the fire alarm went off! Calum and I stood outside and laughed, and perved at the non-attractive firemen, and ate the free clinkers that the vending machine gave us. (It also gave me 60c extra change! yay.)

I am supposed to have an appointment with the Occupational Therapist, and I can’t remember when, and I think it’s tomorrow, but I can’t remember what time. Oh and also, after the *accident* with my arm, I went and got some x-rays done at (lol) “Savage X-ray”. I laugh because that name amuses me. I got to keep the x-rays this time, so I took pictures of them. They aren’t all that clear, because I had to turn the flash off and alwyas when I do that the camera switches to the “available light” mode and so therefore it has two shutter openings, and if you don’t keep the camera in the exact same spot for both then it goes blurry. Plus my one good arm is getting so tired of doing all the work that it’s sometimes shaky. Thank god it’s not too much longer til I get to leave my splint off. Though then I’ll have to be extra careful anyway… Ok. So here are the photos:


Robert has taken to calling me “Paperclip chick”, I think because one of the pieces of metal they put in there is shaped sort of like a paperclip. I don’t like the look of those pins that are sticking into the soft tissue between the radius and the ulna. I’m hoping that they do eventually take all that stuff out, once the bones have fully knit and healed. I hope I remember when my appointment is. I’ll have to call tomorrow morning.

I’ve been playing Norrath again now that i have some use of my hand back. I can only play for a short time and then my hand/wrist will get tired, and then i have to rest it for a while. I imported my character from my finished game, and started again from the beginning. My aim is to keep playing until I make an awesomely leveled character and then import her to Return to Arms. I like Dark Elf Shadowknight best of all, but I’m kind of regretting the fact that I didn’t name her something cool to start off with. Her name is “nit”. I dont’even remember doing that, but it might have been when I was just experimenting with the cheats to give the character a head-start with all attributes, not thinking I would continue playing with that character. I’m such a nerd. Anyway, this is my character, “nit”.

It’s a shit picture because I’m too dumb to figure out if I can hook my playstation up to my laptop, and if so, how to then take screenshots. So this is a photo taken with my digi on the tv. crapola.

I submitted my tax return forms last night, via e-tax. I really, really, really, really hope that they give me a fast refund. I’m destitute right now. I had to go into the bank today to withdraw the last $8.00 from my account. Calum was embarrassed of my povo-ness, and so he waiting outside. We only got paid last Wednesday, and don’t get paid again until next Wednesday :( boo hoo. I’m going to submit my holidays tomorrow, so that I can at least get leave loading and have a little bit extra money. We’re supposed to be going out this Friday night, for U-Rock celebration and Kirra’s birthday, and so I don’t know how that’s going to work. I definitely won’t be able to buy any new clothes for the occasion, nor for Legends night for that matter. Maybe it would be better if I didn’t go. To Legends, I mean, not Friday night. I wouldn’t miss that. Though the way this morning went, I just wanted to forget everything about it. Just crawl under a rock and not come out until next week. After Wednesday. And then go buy myself a sympathy present. Like an alice band. Those are awesome and I desperately want one, but I don’t have the money to buy one. They are $10.00 at Mombassa (highway robbery! but the nicest I have seen so far), $6.00 at Diva (but they don’t have the red dotty one that I like), and $5.00 at JayJays. I also want Smoosh’s album, but don’t have the moeny for that either.

These are some things that I will buy once I get my tax return (if I get back a decent amount):
* Rosie’s b’day cons
* $300 paid off my credit card
* $50 paid off Lauren
* $50 paid off Dinna’s vet bill
And that would be the majority of the money gone. Then i would maybe be able to get myself an alice band and the smoosh cd. :(

Here is a picture for Calum (continuing on from our imitations of pouncing cats, cats looking through windows at birds, and cats walking upstairs or jumping off a bed (prrrrrrp!))

Whew! So much stuff to say! Every time I went to write a blog, myspace was stuffed and I couldn’t! Frickin myspace. But I have now. So it’s all cool.

xxxooo

P.S. How good is bam? One more picture – for the bam.

 Posted by casbot at 8:41 pm

You say you’re still in love… If it’s true, what can be done? It’s hard to leave all those moments behind…

 Family, Video games, Work  2 Responses »
Apr 122006
 

My eyes are so tired, so worn out. I am so tired and so worn out. I’d like to go to sleep right now, but I know that mum gets upset when I don’t eat dinner with the family out in front of the tv, so I guess I’ll have to stay awake a little longer.

Tomorrow is a civvies day, and I hope it is cold so that I can wear my jacket with the little polar bear on it. We finished easter shopping today, but I didn’t buy eggs for Lauren & Nathan, I bought them other things. After tomorrow, we then have a four day weekend. I’m really looking forward to it. Except for the part when I might get bored. Hopefully i have enough to do to occupy my time. I’ve been putting off making a decision on going to Yamba until the decision was literally made for me by it being too late to book a train or a bus. So I guess I am staying up here. No one will be home for easter though, mum is working and Lauren & Nathan are spending easter at Nathan’s place because last easter they spent the day here, because no one was home last year either. They made giant rabbit’s footprints on the floor using flour, and we had an egg hunt. That was fun. I don’t think we’ll be doing anything as  exciting this year.

Last entry I wrote was boring so I deleted it. Quizlet entries are a bit of a copout because they require virtually no thought and zero effort. I’d rather make things up as I go along, even if Ro says that my entire blog entries are completely random. I think that’s kind of the point. Wherever the train of my thoughts takes me, that’s where I go.

Ro: My foot’s asleep, my leg’s really heavy, and I can’t walk.

This after sitting cross-legged on the floor playing PS2 for half an hour. I’m not surprised. We’ve been playing Nitro-Kart, and she gets to be the egg because I made her be the egg once because I had already chosen the bandicoot and she said she wanted to be bandicoot, so I said “no, be the egg, it’s so disgusting.” And now we both love the egg and I want to be the egg but I can’t because it’s her consolation. I really want to be the polar bear but we haven’t played enough to unlock the rest of the racers. When we do, Ro wants to be the cute tiger that shows up at the start screen of one of the races, in a blue kart.

I think we’re going on a picnic on Friday, out to the place where the Buddhist Temple is. I can’t remember where that is – down the coast somewhere. Maybe. Or else we’ll choose somewhere else. Not sure where, but hopefully for all our sakes we don’t go out to Wivenhoe Dam again. I think this drought is bad enough without making a point of celebrating the places where the lack of water is most obvious. I hate drought. I hate being away from the water. Maybe I should have gone home for easter?

We were at Chermside today. Ro said, “oh my god, have you noticed how many bogans there are around here?” and I said I hadn’t. I’m not generally paying that much attention. Because who cares, right? It was funny when we were in the egg section and standing in the aisle, and some girl came walking towards us and Ro moved out of theway so she could get past, then she just stood there for a while and finally said “EXCUSE me!” And Ro moved right over to the side so she could go through. But she already had more than enough room and no reason to get huffy. people are weird sometimes.

Anyway,  my eyes are hurting so I’m going to go. Bye bye.

 Posted by casbot at 6:49 pm

My hell comes from inside, comes from inside myself

 Christmas, Family, Friends, Nostalgia, Religion, Summer, Video games, Weather, Wooloweyah  No Responses »
Mar 112006
 

Today is a memory day.

* I remember having blond hair and brown skin and going to the beach every single day

* I remember going for a drive with dad out to the Point during a hurricane. I was afraid. Dad told me about how when he was younger and lived in Sydney, he’d go down to circular quay when big storms came in and ride the ferry just before they cancelled it due to bad weather, because it was fun being on the ferry in the huge waves and pouring rain. I remember thinking that our car was going to be blown off the road, and not being able to see two feet ahead of us, and everything was grey. We went home.

* I remember church on Christmas Eve being so crowded that people lined up outside, and all the kids were outside running around in the yard and everyone was friends with everyone else, and it didn’t matter if we all ran off to the park, it was still counted as being there because we showed up and couldn’t get in, and all the parents stood around outside talking about parent type things.

* I remember when the circus was in town, standing out on our balcony late at night and seeing a drunk guy passed out in the church yard across the street from our place, and hearing the circus music in the background.

* I remember going to the library almost every day after tafe (NERD!), or going to the library in town every second weekend and sitting on the beanbags in the kids section and reading the new kids books, until I turned 11 and started reading from the adult section (and got told off by the librarian – “you can’t read that! Your section is over there —>”)

* I remember going to a party with Chris, and Noelle came too because she was staying with us for the holidays, and we left and met some random guy called Dan, which reminded Noelle and I of an ad for prune juice (Dan Presser, managing director of sunraysia natural beverages, is talking to his mum ruby about a new drink he’s created…) and then we walked down the main street of town and a girl was walking along with a guy, and he was drunk. He pushed Chris into the wall and said “Watch where you’re f**king going!” and the girl who was with him said “Go. Just run.” And we did.

* I remember using the metre-rulers from the blackboard as skis in year six, just before we went on our holiday to the snow, and being strongly reprimanded by the teacher for it (”these aren’t skis! they’re school equipment!”)

* I remember a boy from my class going missing at sea during a storm just after we had started high school. His own father found his body two weeks later at the docks. We had a memorial for him at the church behind our old primary school, and they arranged for all those who had known him to take the afternoon off school and provided a bus from high school to the primary school. It was a sad start to the year.

* I remember going up to the sports field of our village one night, and seeing glowing lines on the ground. One of the parents told us that the glowing stuff was left behind by slugs. I never actually saw any of the slugs.

* I remember going into the bushland surrounding the sports field, and finding paths cut through the scrub that you couldn’t see from the outside. They led to secret hideouts and clearings, and places where other kids had dragged sheets of corrugated iron or cardboard and made shelters and stored things there.

* I remember Noelle, Anna & Clare coming down for Christmas holidays and playing Super Mario Bros 3 and Spy Vs Spy on their Super Nintendo when they stayed out at the farm.

* I remember a Christmas when all the cousins came down to visit, and we put on a show for the parents, and we had tents in our backyard because there were so many people staying.

* I remember taking a kayak out on the lake and discovering what was on the further edges. There were islands and a huge black skeletal tree.

* I remember feeling content.

 Posted by casbot at 11:45 pm

It’s only the end

 Family, Video games, Work  2 Responses »
Feb 202006
 

I am waiting (fairly patiently right now) for Lauren to finish whatever it is she’s doing and call out so we can go and explore more of the neighbourhood.

I’m tired, and still a little unwell from today. I was so tired this morning, and feeling dizzy when I stand up after lying down or sitting for extended periods of time. Well good. I’m so tired that all I want to do is sit down, or lie down. And just close my eyes.

I need some water. I wish our house had a water boy. Water boy! Go get me some water!

What is the colour of a mirror? Is it silver? I like the colour of mirrors.

I want to learn German so that I can hack out ten syllables in a row and make it sound like one. Also so that I can remember what it was like, being there and hearing it.

After a week you think I’d be over it. Lauren is over it. Lauren is now at university. If I played that game Sims, then I could make her one of the characters at the universty.

I’m not doing what I want to do. What I’m doing now workwise, career-wise, makes me feel like I’ve caught the wrong train and it’s an express and it’s going somewhere I don’t want to be. Like when Lauren caught an express train to the Gold Coast by accident one day after work.

Lauren just called out. Five more minutes!

 Posted by casbot at 6:56 pm

Where’s the @ symbol? Oh… right…

 Clothes, Travel, United Kingdom, Video games  No Responses »
Jan 112006
 

Things I didn’t know about the UK:

1. Light switches here are REALLY BIG. They’re like giant-land in Super Mario Bros.

2. It really is very cold here, but jeans ARE warm enough on their own – you don’t need to wear thermals under them :) . I might have to rethink this once we get to Europe though.

3. There are NO EMOS in London. I mean, it’s like the hugest city (please don’t correct me on this) and there are no emos! How can this be? Everyone just looks completely themselves, everyone’s wearing whatever. It’s awesome. Apart from the chavs. Girl chavs wear skin-tight ripped to shreds jeans, stiletto riding boots over the top, little boob-tubes or singlet tops with push-up bras, and tacky little boleros. I don’t know how they don’t freeze to death.

4. Everything is really old here. The houses, the office buildings, the pavers…

5. You never feel thirsty, or if you do you just feel like drinking tea, so it’s really easy to get dehydrated. And you don’t realise until you’ve got a mean headache.

6. Drinks come in pints, which are REALLY BIG.

7. They don’t have lemon lime bitters here. You have to ask for a lemonade with bitters and a slice of lime.

There are a few more but I have to go. No photos as yet because I haven’t had the chance to upload them. More later (maybe!!!!)

 Posted by casbot at 8:23 am

I’ll believe in anything

 Family, Friends, Movies, Shopping, Travel, Video games  No Responses »
Nov 202005
 

What am I doing up so early again? Truth be told I haven’t actually gone to sleep yet. The day has unfolded this way and who am I to interfere with the special plan God has for me? Life’s pretty smooth right now, which I’m infinitely happy about. I suppose it’s also to do with attitude… If life is crap, it’s usually me causing problems for myself unwittingly, just by not thinking things through. So whatever right?

Anyways, I went shopping today with Lauren, Noz & Nathan, and it was good. We went to Stones Corner, I got a really beautiful white skirt (it’s really summery, which wasn’t the plan because it was supposed to be an overseas shopping trip :-/, but how could I not? – don’t answer that!), and a pair of trousers for overseas which are really cute, plus a couple of scarves. There really wasn’t a lot there come to think of it. Most of the colours were the stuff my nightmares are made of: pale pink, avocado, beige… eugh. I mean, I do own green clothes, but not pale green. And I do own some work skirts with pink in them, but it’s not like that’s the main theme or anything. It’s just really not me. I prefer strong colours. (That’s great – I just figured something out about my taste in clothes… how vague am I???!!!)

So after stones corner, Noz and i caught the bus back to the city and some guy started talking to us (we seem to have some pretty strange encounters when it’s just us two out & about) and talked to us like he had known us forever. Then he said to me “You look really familiar” (I am being completely honest when I say I had never seen this guy in my life) and then I said “well, I don’t know why, I never catch this bus… and I’m never at Stones Corner” and then he thought about it for a while and said “I’ve got it! You’re a porn star!” like wtf??? So I said “Yeah.. I have no morals whatsoever”. and he looked shocked and said “I was only joking!” And I said “Yeah, me too…” I really don’t know what this means. what is porn-starish about me? Nothing. I guess that’s why he said it was a joke. I’m not obsessing about it or anything, it’s just strange is all.

Noz & I had lunch in the city at Broaders, then met up with her boyfriend a little later on. Then I went home, fully expecting just to be home alone (mum was supposed to be driving to yamba) and mulling over my options (call someone? who? what could we do? etc), so I played Norrath for a while and then mum comes walking through the door, surprisingly enough. She invited a few of her friends over (read: 3) and I spent the rest of the evening out on the verandah with them, drinking wine and talking. Tash said she would lend me her suitcase and backpack for overseas (because I am so slack and haven’t bought one yet).

Then Andrew & mum started talking about some time when a box of heads were brought into the radiology department for medical research on something or other, not entirely sure what, and that put me completely off dinner which I had only picked at anyway,so a complete waste. It is still creeping me out just thinking about it. SFX is an entirely different matter to the real thing. Maybe I’m not so desensitized from the graphic violence in movies & on TV after all.

It was a pretty good night in spite of that last icky part, and I think that now I’ve deconstructed my day I should actually get some sleep… Anything could happen tomorrow!

 Posted by casbot at 2:54 am

i been working on the railroad, all the livelong daaaay!

 Computers, Health, Money, Shopping, Video games, Work  No Responses »
Mar 292005
 

I get paid tomorrow! Woot! I predict…. maybe 6 figures in my bank account. Including 2 decimal places. And the first digit. So, no different to usual. Except that those numbers should be a bit higher than normal… apart from the first digit. So really, what am i getting so worked up about? It happens every payday, one of the consequences of being paid fortnightly. I think when you get paid monthly, you get REALLY excited, and start planning lots of things for all that money! Then you’re broke by the end of the first week, and have three weeks to live on nothing! Fortnightly is better, because although you may spend all your money by the day after payday (record for me is ON payday. I had a lotta bills!), you only have one week left to live without money, and usually you can just glide on through that finish line, guns blazing. Except without the guns. or maybe guns in the same sense as will ferrel’s guns in anchorman.

I think I may be getting sick. I have a mildly sore throat… and every time i get a scratchy throat it always develops into something like tonsillitis or a throat infection. Why don’t they just genetically engineer humans to not have tonsils or appendixes? (don’t answer that question, it was rhetorical and a comment on our genetically meddling society).

I am going shopping tomorrow, like i do virtually every lunch time, except that this time i will have money. That only happens once every two weeks. I think i do a lot to support the economy, because ever since I started working full time again, just across from the mall, with more disposable income, the Australian dollar has been increasing in value! You might think that me working at a bank would mean that I have some concept of how the economy works, but you would be sadly mistaken. I don’t really care. I made up my own theory of what interest actually is, and why our dollar has gone up, and it’s enough for me. Other people like it too. One day I might write a book and everyone who wants a viable reason and explanation for “interest” can read it. Only 5 cents per copy! (I’m expecting big sales, or the value of our dollar to increase dramatically).

I am going to get a laptop tomorrow! Hopefully. After work. Then I will play on it all day long, and won’t ever need real people again. I’m just kidding of course. But i know there are people who do believe this, deep inside where they will never realise until they HAVE NO FRIENDS. agh. Anyway, i’m very excited about this. So i have two exciting things. one, i get paid. Two, i get a laptop! yay! then i can install all my games on it, that lauren won’t let me play anymore. The sims, age of empires, zootycoon…

Well, i think i’ve gone mad. I’ve probably got a temperature or something, from this angry throat of mine. yay!

 Posted by casbot at 7:28 pm

You almost had it…

 Computers, Nostalgia, Video games  No Responses »
Dec 212001
 

I wasn’t going to write in here today. It’s been a pretty pissy day all round, but I figure that it can only get better from here… (see, that’s me tempting fate. C’mon fate! come get me!) But I’m feeling a little better after playing some really old dos games… these were the cream of the crop way back when. Games like Hocus Pocus, Jill of the Jungle, Duke Nukem 2, etc…

Now I’m searching for this game we used to have called D-generation. it was such a weird game, i never quite understood what perspective i was playing from. It was on a cd we had with some other games like contraption zac, which i personally never got the hang of… and also this game with these animals and you had to knock over these domino looking things… and i’m babbling, sorry o_O…

For some reason I am a lot more attached to these old games than the new fancy-shmancy ones. Not that I’m attached to games much anyway, it’s just that i like the old ones better. A lot more imagination. New games seem to hide behind mind-blowing visuals and unnecessary violence… what is the big deal about shooting everyone in sight? I played that 007 game, and I just don’t get it. What is so damn great about blood and guts and misplaced machismo?

Well, i’ll never understand guys. i’ll have to resign myself to the fact that guys don’t understand me either ;)

 Posted by casbot at 12:23 pm
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