I am going to a lot of different places this year. I think it’s the year of travel for me. For the Chinese, it’s the year of the rat. I was in the Valley on Friday night (last night) and watched the dragon dancing around the tables at one of the Chinese restaurants, and listened to the banging of the gong. I also became mesmerised by the fish in the fish pond fountain in the Chinatown mall. I’m not sure if it’s usually there, but last night there was mist coming out from the top part of the fountain where the uplights are. Also, the water in the bottom part of the fountain, where the fish swim around, looked a bit more cloudy than usual, and there were more coins in there too. I felt sorry for the fish.

Anyway, here is the first of my travels:

Not actually the whole of Western Australia, just Perth. The trip over involves a red-eye flight several hours long. I feel like this should mean that people on the Western Coast would be different that the people of the East Coast of Australia, but I guess that we all started out from similar beginnings, and our beginnings weren’t that long ago.

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The next place that I’ll be going is the USA & Canada with Timtim:

Tim and I are traveling to San Francisco in May this year. It’s exciting because I’ve never been to America before, and this will be my first experience of traveling with Tim. I think we’ll be fine. Tim got the tickets using his frequent flyer miles, which is awesome, because he could have used his miles to get ONE business class return to San Francisco, but instead he got TWO economy return to San Francisco. We’re also going to Canada:

One leg of the trip will be by train, and one will be by plane. Apparently the train trip from San Francisco up to Vancouver is beautiful. I’m looking forward to it. I think we will get a sleeper cabin. Tim was also saying we could spend a couple of days in Seattle, which’ll be good, too. I checked online at the average temperatures for that time of year. The maximum is 17.5 degrees Celsius, which suits me so perfectly you can’t even imagine. I wouldn’t mind it being even cooler than that. Check out the picture of Canada – there are polar bears on there! I swear that means they exist there in real life. I love them. And the elk (if that’s what they are). Yay! It’s going to be amazing.

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And finally, toward the end of the year, Noelle and I are traveling to Europe and the UK. I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am about revisiting Europe, especially when you consider all the people over there I will get to meet up with: Anna, Ben, Simone&Dave, Ruth… I am so psyched! We’re planning on spending time in London (& surrounds), Amsterdam (yay Anna!), Paris (I forgot to remind Noelle about this one :S), Denmark (yay legoland! and the little mermaid!), somewhere in Ireland (maybe Galway?)… and wherever else we have time to go. I’d love to visit Prague, but time constraints may make that difficult. Also the financial aspect… 

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That’s it on the travel front. In other news, I have started my new job (the end of this week marked two weeks there). I’m exhausted, but appreciate the plus side. I guess you could say the end justifies the means. I got a new pair of boots today at DFO without worrying that they would break the bank. The fact that they were only $20 should illustrate my point. It felt so good to have my own money. I won’t be able to be this laissez-faire about my pay every week, but for this week it’s pretty nice. I’m going to start my hardcore savings as of next Thursday. Tim has been extremely helpful with this, and I’m glad that my working has been able to take some stress off him as well. I’m infinitely grateful to him for looking after me this entire time. Although it may seem strange, I feel like there is a good side to this entire experience, and that is to be able to know, without doubt or hesitation, that Tim’s love comes without condition. This is an amazing gift. Tim and Matt are currently playing Guitar Hero III, and bemoaning the insensitivity of the red button on our guitar. We had a nice dinner, a yummy dessert, and there is a Po here for entertainment. Life is pretty good.

Last week, Ken told me about how he had been at a funeral where, in the middle of the eulogy, someone’s mobile phone started ringing. Was there the possibility that this guy had forgotten to switch his phone off, or onto silent, before the service had commenced? Apparently not, as he answered his phone and started talking right there in the church. I thought that this had to be some sort of joke, because Ken and Co. are well versed in sarcasm and facetiousness. However, Ken assured me this was no joke. He was completely serious. I can’t imagine anyone thinking that it would be appropriate to have your phone on and answer any call that might come through while you are at a *funeral*. Tim told me that the last time he had been to a funeral, the priest had requested that everyone turn off their mobile phones out of respect for the deceased and bereaved. The fact that people actually have to be TOLD to turn off their mobile phones at a funeral is astounding.

*** Enough of fangry things, I have not been able to write in a while, so I should have other things to say too. Maybe. …

1. I’ve been playing Guitar Hero II all evening (except for when I was watching Grey’s Anatomy) and the tips of my fingers are half numb and half tingling with painful pins & needles. Plus my wrist doesn’t like being held at the angle needed for holding the guitar for so long (my robotic wrist, that is – not the real one). I can tell I’m getting better, but sometimes I lose concentration after looking at the screen for too long. My favourite song that I seem to do well on is “Crazy for you” by Heart. I liked their Barracuda song too.

2. I have the new Harry Potter book. I’ve already read about 210 pages out of the 600-odd total, which is pretty good considering I haven’t really spent that much time on it this weekend.

3. This probably should have been number 1, but I’m too tired to go back through and edit these points, so let’s just all agree they are not in order of importance. Good. Today is Tim’s birthday. We went out for dinner last night to Dos Amigos restaurant, which is just down from Tim’s place. The meal was really delicious, even though I had the same thing I always get (If God really dwells within us like they say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas, cause that’s what he’s gettin’!). Then we came back to Tim’s place and had an ice cream dessert log as a cake. We put candles in and sang happy birthday. It was a nice night.

4. Tim has gone to New Zealand until Friday, which means that I will be a little bit forlorn. But not too much. It may not sound like a long time, but it feels like ages to me. Probably just because hes’ in another country and another time zone, though it’s not nearly as bad as when he was in the UK & Ireland.

5. I ordered an MP3 player and a ninjapass for my DS last week. I’m hoping they arrive very soon – especially the mp3 player because I just got the new Interpol album, and I’ve been hanging out for something to listen to at work. Ninjapass should be awesome too though.

Anyway, I am very tired so I think i shall go to bed. Gute Nacht!

Tim is back! Yay! It’s so good he’s back in the country, and I can see him and hug him whenever I like (which is often!). He’s been really tired today, which is to be expected when you’ve just stepped off a 25 hour flight and been awake for another six hours before that. I really hate being overtired. When we were in Dublin, we decided that instead of paying for a night at a hostel (about 16 Euro) we would explore the city and go shopping etc for the entire night. So, after having gotten up early that morning to catch the train from Greystones to Dublin, we proceeded to remain awake and active for the next 31 or so hours, the end of which saw us back home in Reading, after an exhausting flight from Dublin to London. The flight was the worst part because I felt like I was on drugs. I’d drift in and out of sleep, and awareness of my surroundings. It was like when you see one of those videos of a baby animal that’s just about to fall asleep and it’s lolling all over the place, and at the last minute its head will snap back to some semblance of alertness. These videos give me anxiety because I know that feeling all too well. You could probably be found selling your soul to be back in your own bed, buried under the covers and with no chance of interruption or annoyance until you’d had at least 12 hours solid sleep.

I have been playing Zelda for a couple of hours. I got a sword and now I’m freaked out by the monsters that keep sneaking up behind me. I loved being in the village for the prologue, doing a bit of fishing and calling eagles with those reeds. I know that was just to get people used to the game, but I really prefer the whole problem solving thing to this slash everything in sight kinda thing.

Also, I’ve been trying this afternoon to keep Tim awake. He had a nap from about 1:30PM – 3:15PM, but that was all I would let him have because now he’s gone to sleep at 8:30, it’s going to be a bit easier for him to get back into his normal biological rhythm of things.

Anyway, speaking of sleep (however indirectly), I’m almost there so I’m going to go hang out with Tim in dreamland.

Night everyone!

I’m pretty happy right now. You know one thing that could possibly improve on my happiness? If I had a pet rabbit in the same colours as Napoleon, and they kept each other company all day while I was at work, then when I got home they both greeted me at the door. That would be the epitome of awesomeness.

Here are some shiny things:

* Only four days until Tim gets back
* Pay day tomorrow
* Napoleon
* A rabbit the same colour scheme as Napoleon

I know that the last one is not something I actually have, but I just like imagining it.

This pay period I am not going to buy any clothings. I have far too many bills to pay! Maybe I will get a couple of pairs of tights (because it’s getting colder), but that’s it. My goal for this pay: to be good and stick to my budget! I’m pretty sure I can do it. It will be an interesting experiment. I think the main thing is to cook lunches for work, so that I’m not buying overpriced food that tastes like crap anyway. I did mean to do some sewing last weekend, but never got around to it. I won’t be doing it this weekend, that’s for sure. I wonder if I’ll get time during the week?

Hi Tim! I know you will have played at Glendalough by the time you read this. How was it? How is Ye Olde London Town? I always used to say “Ye” as in how it is spelled, until I read somewhere that in the olden days, Y was the symbol for “th” sound. Therefore, “Ye” is atually just “The”. I kind of liked “ye” better. It’s like how Conor used to speak on the net, “how ar’ ye!?” and it made me think of the sea captain from the Simpsons (arrr, ’tis a shame that).

I feel like going to the movies. Anyone wanna go see a movie? Or something? Or maybe I should use this extra time to do some sewing. I have a few things that need mending.

I’m sorry. I can tend to be a drama queen quite often. I’m terrible at hiding my feelings, mostly because I don’t try.

Lauren, Nathan, Noelle & I went to see Hot Fuzz tonight. It was funny. I’m in a strange mood. See if you can guess what it is! I’ve been exasperated, impatient, obscene… Every single one of my muscles is spontaneously twitching. I just want to go DO something! I’ve wrapped myself up in a cocoon, and finally emerged to a stultifying, tedious existence. I want to FEEL something, mostly something good. I want to feel appreciated, admired, important, wanted…

I want to go out and test myself. I want to challenge myself and other people. I want to learn something new, meet someone who opens my mind to new possibilities, someone who really sees me.

Does that person even exist? I’m willing to give anything a try right now. This mood feels effortless. It feels like lifting your face to the warmest rays of sun on a cold morning, or like one of those amazing flying dreams, where you’re soaring far above everything and it’s the best feeling you’ve ever experienced. I am me. I am not going to compromise this any more. Whatever happens from here on in, it’s because I chose for it to happen. Because I want it to happen.

Some things:

About Overseas…

I don’t care if I have to fly in a hot air balloon, because once you’re over there it doesn’t matter! You’re just like “ye olde englande towne!” and standing in front of that fountain near that big screen wherever that is, and going to oxford circus and piccadilly circus and they’re not actually circuses, just places. And going on the Tube, which is a really good transport system because it’s fast and the trains come like every 2 mins, and if a train is delayed they actually tell you, AND they tell you why. And you can go to Carnaby Street and see all the people going to Carnaby Street to be at Carnaby Street, then when you walk past some random driveway maybe a soldier in a red uniform will march out on a horse and a police officer will tell you and the rest of the people walking to “move aside please, move aside!” and then you might get to go to grenwich and when you walk up to the mean time thing on top of the hill maybe some asian guy will be standing with crumbs on him and squirrels all around and on him and you can take funny photos!

Austria….

When we were in Austria, in Innsbruck, we went to a little coffee & cake shop and ordered strudel and sacher torte. Our friend pronounced it “sasha” and the waitress and some random guy sitting next to us laughed at us. Then we started saying all the german we knew, and Lauren said “arschloch”. They were shocked that we knew a swear word! The coffee shop was nice and warm, and we stayed there for a couple of hours drinking hot chocolate. When we left, it was dark, and we could see the lights from chalets on the mountains twinkling above the town. It was beautiful. The mountains rose like a painted backdrop, straight up into the sky above the rooftops.

We went to find a net café, and tried to follow the directions that the lady at the tourist information centre had given us. We ended up not finding the net café, but finding instead an ice skating rink surrounded on all sides by quaint little shops, and lit with old lampposts that cast a warm yellow glow over everything. We watched the people skating for a while, and then headed back.

Other places…

I’d love to be in England, in Greenwich park, sitting on a blanket on the grass in the sunshine and watching the squirrels running around through the dappled light from the autumnal trees scattered over the grounds.

Or…

I’d love to be wandering around the streets of Rome, with smartcars zooming past blaring their horns, nearly crashing into anything and everything. The smell of grass and dirt is in the air because it’s just rained, but the sun has come out and I’m watching it envelop the ancient, crumbling statues and buildings in a dreamy, afternoon haze of pale orange and fuchsia.

Or…

I’d love to be in Paris, in the Jardins Tulieres, sitting on one of the green wrought-iron chairs randomly placed around the fountains, watching people stroll past enjoying a warm afternoon in the park, and listening to the language of Romance being spoken all around me.

Noe and I had a picnic today at Roma St Parklands. It was so beautiful. The wind was blowing a gale but the sun was so nice and warm. We sat on the grassy section just down from the cafe and watched things happen around us. There was a father and son and daughter playing frisbee, and the son kept throwing it near some other people who were sitting just a bit further away from them. We thought each time that the frisbee was going to hit the people, but it never did. We had a sleep in the sun and then headed back to civilisation.

The coloured train that snakes its way around the parkland on the pathways.

the sky

some ducks

One duck that I followed around near the fountains.

Dumb ibis. It understood Noelle’s threat when she picked up her shoe, and hurried off to annoy someone else. They always try to look so innocent, but they’re sneaky.

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On the way home I found two new notes from the Bus Stop Man, this time on green paper. They said “thonk you Jesus” (there was no way the ‘o’ could have possibly been an ‘a’), and “Are you saved?”. There’s some evangelical kid wandering around leaving these notes like they’re on a mission from god, I’m sure of it. The writing is too young not to be. Or else it’s just a really immature adult.. Someone who doesn’t fully understand the workings of the world. Not that anyone actually does, but you know, less so than most other people who manage to function well in the universe.Even though I had a nap today, and slept in later than I meant to this morning, I am still tired because I stayed up so late last night. I didn’t want to go to bed because I was cleaning and organising, and I was really enjoying it. But today, when I was trying to find something, I sliced my finger on the blade that’s in my drawer, because I put it away there last night and I forgot that I’d done that. So my finger wouldn’t stop bleeding (it has now) and I couldn’t do anything with it. It doesn’t hurt too much… not at all really. I’m having trouble typing, but that’s only because of the bandaid. I hate bandaids, they’re so grotty. Even when you first put them on they’re gross.I had spoken to mum previously about how sore my back has been lately (moreso than usual) and I thought that she told me not to worry about it, so I haven’t really been worried, I’ve more been just putting up with the pain or doing things to make sure I don’t make it worse than it already is. But tonight I asked her again and she said, “I’ve already spoken to you about this, and I told you to go to the doctor about it.” So now I’m confused. Did I just make up that whole conversation where she told me not to worry about it, just to ease my mind? I can’t afford to go to the doctor, but also this cough is annoying me too. So I could kill two birds with one stone by going this week. And maybe I could even kill three birds with one stone – if I can afford to get my second hepatitis immunisation that would be good also, because I’m supposed to have it a month after the first and I had the first on the 26 April. I also have to get tetanus, polio & MMR vaccines because we have no booster records for me. The only medical records I have from when I was younger are my x-rays. I have x-rays coming out of my ears, but none of that is of any use to me.

Noelle said that if drastic action isn’t taken, we’re going to run out of water by 2008. Dams are already at less than 5 percent capacity. That seems crazy. The dried out, barren look of everything makes me feel a little forlorn.

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Something from overseas…

Me in a black cab in London on Australia Day 2006. I was pretty drunk, and psyched to be there, but slightly surprised when Lauren confronted me with the camera and reacted by retreating into my coat 6_6. It was an awesome night. We went to a walkabout and everyone was wearing straw fosters hats and thongs. We didn’t look very Australian compared to the locals

I must remember not to turn my computer on when I am trying to get ready for work. The pro of having a clock constantly there with the time (otherwise I have to keep checking my phone) is far outweighed by the con – being that I cannot just leave the computer to sit there, I think I have time to surf… “maybe just while I’m drying my hair…” which turns into half an hour and that’s half my time gone. Then I know I’ll never be ready for the first bus, so I think I’ll just catch the next bus, then that bus becomes the next one and so on, until I have no hope of getting to work on time. Maybe I’m exaggerating just a little. But it’s harder to make up the time when I get to work late, because my entire day is planned around me getting to work early and finishing early.

I met up with Noelle in the city today after I finished work at 1pm. We were supposed to be watching the St. Paddy’s day parade (which, for some reason, isn’t on St. Pat’s day but is on the week before) but it turned out that it finished at 12pm, so I was never going to be out in time for that anyway. We ran errands – which means we went shopping. I managed not to buy anything today – shock-horror! Ooops apart from groceries that is. We were trying to find some shoes for Noelle, but had no luck. Nothing that inspiring around. We picked up her photos though, and had a look through them while waiting for the bus.

There were so many emos crowding around near speakers corner in King George Square today. Some of them had letters on their shirts, and they started lining up so the words were spelling something. Noelle was shocked. “Those emos are organised emos!” She said. Luckily she had her camera, and was wearing emo clothes, so she went up and took a photo. Bold move! She got death stared by an emo for laughing at something one of them said. Also in King George Square, further down near the crossing to the mall, there were some evangelists with a recording playing from a boom box. We pondered over their definition of adultery for a minute, and pretended to look interested. I wanted one of them to come over to us and offer us one of their little pamphlets, then I could say, “hey, buddy, you’re preaching to the choir.” And it would be funny because he was preaching, even if I’m not in the choir. But I don’t like the evangelists. It’s like they’re trying to shove something down your throat, and I don’t think it’s worthwhile unless you come to the conclusion yourself that this is the road you need to be following. It’s not about someone telling you the right way to go – you’ve got to figure that out for yourself or you’ll never understand it from your own point of view. I said “JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED!” Which seems to be my catch cry at the moment, and Noelle said “Maybe they want to be judged, because they think they’re perfect, so that’s why they’re judging other people.” Which I hadn’t thought about before, but now it makes sense. Self-righteous sanctimonious ecclesiastical sycophants. Who’s judging who now? WHO’S PERFECT NOW?

Anyway, today was fun. Once I finished work that is. Work was boring boring boring. So boring you can’t even imagine. I was looking at my future holiday accrual balances, and I’m not sure if I should take extra days off after my holiday. I will need to book it in now, to make sure no one else takes the dates that I want to take! Melinda and I can’t be off at the same time, as there needs to be a mentor there. But what if we were both sick on the same day? They should be prepared for instances such as that. But apparently there shouldn’t be any jet-lag when I go to China because China is only two hours behind us, and the flight isn’t that long. I’m not having any of the food on the plane. I can hold out until I get to Shanghai. The plane food on the way home from London made me so sick, just thinking about it makes me feel slightly queasy. Yuck.

I’m up late again! But at least I can sleep in tomorrow YAY. Sleeeep. I love sleep.

So. Last night, instead of going to sleep, I wrote a whole stream of consciousness down on paper, and it makes no sense whatsoever. But this is what’s in my head.

Happiness is a bell ringing
At the back of your throat
And when you open your mouth
Shiny sounds tumble out!

Those who told you
“Life is lived through sunshine alone!”
Will stay silent when night falls
And they don’t know how to live!

I watched them all gather in a corner
Pronouncing us a lost cause
And, with a sigh, moving on.
Next order of business! …
Killing time!
Minute taker, take an hour
I’ve got no use for all this time
The day’s stretched out before me
Like a blank page
And me without a pen!

I followed the path but it
turned out to be a furrow in
a field of angry red flowers,
where I am standing, dismayed
and disenchanted.

I followed a path of angry followers on
an angry mission to rid the world
of amibvalence
Anything to feel something!

There was smoke curling in tendrils
From the corners of your mouth
You were on fire and I was
on the edge of my seat
But you are all burnt out and black inside.

That’s how I began.

Wait for the green to start over again, and
it will grow. It won’t become what you want it to be,
but I was much more impresed by the ending anyway.
Tell me again.

I’m so tired, and feeling sick.

I drank too much tea today, and I feel like I start moving through strobe lights, staggered movements but really fast. Like stop-start-stop-start… except on fast forward. I’m so tired because I’ve been doing overtime for two whole weeks now, which is exhausting when I don’t get to bed until 11pm and wake up at 5am. I had to come home early yesterday and go to bed early, so I only did an hour extra. Almost not worth it. I’ve still got a cabcharge voucher because I forgot it the first night, caught the train, and it took me 40 minutes to walk home in the dark. It’s a nice walk though, so I don’t mind. Even in the dark it’s nice.

I got so tired day before yesterday at work that I made stupid mistakes and strongly berated myself for them. I burst into tears at one point because I was frustrated with how stupid I was. This was a combination of tiredness and thinking other stupid things (not work stupid things, but home stupid) that I had done which have been like constant storm clouds above my head, and I’m just waiting for the deluge. Kirra said I’m way too harsh on myself, that I should give myself a break, but I don’t think I deserve one. If I do something stupid, I have to acknowledge it because otherwise I can’t learn from it, and remember not to do that again. But I never learn. So what’s the point?

I get so frustrated with myself, because I can see where I go wrong, I can see it. I made a stupid, stupid, obvious mistake. It wasn’t a big mistake, just a little one that didn’t matter, but that makes it worse I think. How could I do that? How could I not see? Ugh. I’m such an idiot. I hate TV. It’s so loud and dominates whatever room it’s in. That’s fine if all you want to do is watch TV, but what if all you want to do is read? or write? or talk to someone? TV is selfish. I’m selfish so I guess I can’t really talk. Judge not lest ye be judged. Why have I been so judgmental?

Finally they had blue dye in stock, but now they have no black. If I had a store which sold things like that I’d make sure they were constantly there, and if they weren’t there, I’d put a little sign up which said, “sorry! This product is out of stock. We should have some more available ______” and i’d also let people put products on hold so they could get one as soon as they came in. It’s a guaranteed sale, people! I think it would be better if they put a sign up saying when they expected more to come in, because then I wouldn’t have to go searching all over the city or check back in every day and I could just come back to that shop the date it was supposed to come back in. I suppose that’s not a guarantee that it would be there, but it’s better than having no idea at all.

We saw the cutest boy in the city today. He had a long black coat on, not a trenchie (yuck), but sgt pepper style almost, and a jaunty little hat. He looked awesome. Some interesting news from my lunchtime boredom: Kim Jong-Il of North Korea has allowed the release of a love song – shock horror! And England has banned our “where the bloody hell are you?” tourism campaign ads – big surprise. Someone had to. Penny said they were just being precious, but that’s their prerogative. If our tourism industry wants to make ridiculous adverts, then they have every right to refuse them.

One of the spokespeople for the ads said something along the lines of “you can’t buy this publicity!” Like it was a really good thing. Everybody’s going to think we’re gutter-mouthed bimbos. The boys don’t get too bad a rap, but it’s as though women’s suffrage never happened. Everyone’s so misogynistic. I feel sad.

I want to see an ad broadcast internationally that features the following all-Australian themes: Emos sulking in black skinny-legs and red paintings or MCR shirts; the Cronulla racial riots (to add some excitement); Macquarie Fields (just cause); Street Hawkers closing in for the kill; 15 year-old mothers-to-be getting high on the Baby Bonus… I can’t think straight right now. I’m sure there are a million other Aussie clichés that could be used and would create a far more accurate portrayal of modern Australian life.

Anyway, today I felt much better after getting a decent nights sleep. And I was ready in time to catch the early bus, and for some reason my access card worked straight away when usually I have to wait until 6:30am… I’ll have to catch the train tomorrow because our bus doesn’t run that early on Saturdays. I can’t wait until this overtime is OVER. I can’t afford not to take it while it’s on offer, but it’s just so exhausting. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if I went to bed at a reasonable hour, but I just can’t seem to. I go to bed and just lay there, awake, waiting to sleep, even though I’m so tired I can’t keep my eyes open. I never used to have trouble sleeping. I’ve got too many things running through my mind.

Kirra said that I bite so easily when people are stirring me up. I’m easily stirred up. It’s not that I take things seriously, because I know that people are just joking. It’s not like I go and sulk in a corner when people joke with me, though apparently I did sound really serious when I said “shut up!” to Nathan K, but that was only because he stood there for ages making chicken noises at me. He said “I thought you were braver than that.” And I said, “No, I’m really not.” though it’s not really fair because I didn’t have a choice It wasn’t like I could take the vote and use that as justification for sending the email.

Agh I’m falling asleep. That’s a sign to me that what I’m writing is boring. BORING! I have that sound in my head, of someone saying BORING but I’m not sure where it comes from. I think it’s just me.

I paid my deposit on my trip today. How exciting! That’s what I think of whenever I feel down. GREY SKIES ARE GONNA CLEAR UP, PUT ON A HAPPY FACE! Why do people say to me “SMILE!” when I am feeling sad? Why should I smile? That’s like lying. It’s a lie.

I like that “All these things that I’ve done” song by the Killers. I don’t know why. I like the words, though when you put them together they don’t seem to mean all that much.

I want to turn back time and have gone to sleep hours ago, not still be sitting here awake not being able to go to bed because I still want to keep listening to Modest Mouse which I haven’t listened to in ages, but how to start work early tomorrow? And how to cope with everything? And how to continue?

Sleeeeeeep sounds good right now.

*edit* The below rant is a case of literary transference. I can’t say what’s actually bothering me right now. Well, work was pretty annoying, but it usually doesn’t elicit that sort of reaction from me. i wonder what it could be…

Everything is so shit right now. I hate it.

Like work, for instance…  stupid people being LAZY! WHY are people so LAZY??? Grrr. And you know, I tell someone not to do something, they go and do it anyway. What’s the frigging point? Like, for instance, I say “I’m not going to be at my desk between 3:30pm – 5:00pm. If you want to pick something up, come by either before 3:30pm or after 5:00pm.” So what do they do? Email me at 3:45pm saying they are sending someone in to pick things up some time before 5. Could you please tell me the point of that? And then three phone calls later to someone who doesn’t know anything about it, they come in for the pick-up five minutes before I get back to my desk. Where, in all of that, did anything make sense? Did they purposely email me after I left the office, or are they just that stupid they don’t understand the concept of time, and the person they are emailing isn’t just sitting around waiting to do their bidding? Like me saying I was leaving the office was just a trick, and I’d be there the entire time.

If people just did things right the first time, maybe we could get things done within a reasonable timeframe. What is the point in leaving things out, making a mess of a file, and sending it through, then saying “omigosh this is really urgent!” when you’ve neglected to do the ordering and satisfy legal requirements that take at least a day to complete, and wait for someone at the other end to tell you this so then it takes even longer? I will never understand the way their minds work. It’s like they exist just to waste our time, or are trained to do things the hard way, and take the longest and most arduous route to any given conclusion.

This is me being disgruntled. I think I’m also tired, and I have so many ideas of doing things that I want to do, not just have to do, and I have no time for them right now. It won’t be this way next week, I just have to get through this week and get as many hours in as I can until Saturday lunchtime, then I can do whatever I want.

I just remembered what i want to do for my birthday – yum cha! We can go to yum cha in the Valley for breakfast on my birthday, because lots of people don’t like eating chinese food for breakfast, but they will have to go because on your birthday you get to choose to do whatever you want. Even if that means going to the art gallery.

If I am the creator of modern English, Kirra is hereby titled “Grammar Police Chief”, for her thorough but fruitless prosecution of my question earlier today: “Do you work tonight?”. Sorry Kirra, I’m not giving it up just yet! but 10 points for such impressive tenacity. It’ll be interesting to see whether people choose verisimilitude over being a teetotaller offended by the entire thing. I hope I get to send the email!

That reminds me, I was just reading one of those quizlet thingys that Ro filled out, and one of her “favourite things to do” is drinking. I think that having drinking as one of your favourite things to do is just asking for trouble. Get out of that headspace now while you still can. No one actually cares how much you drink, or if you drink at all. It’s not like that’s what makes you an interesting person. Why can’t people just get over it? “The UN’s position is clear – it’s Becky’s choice!” god what an awful ad. Why are our ads so crap? In England, TV sucked (except that Saturday morning kids program that was SO FUNNY) but the ads were great. Here, TV sucks AND the ads suck. Actually, I wouldn’t know if TV sucks because i never watch it. But that’s not the point. The point is, our ads suck.

Ooh who else hates those new “Where the bloody hell are you?” ads for Australian Tourism? (pick me! pick me!). It’s not even the fact that they use a swear word (though I’m sure there are people out there horrified at such vulgar language being used to promote our *great* country). It makes us sound like idiots. Like we’re all Alf Stewart & Paul Hogan’s love children or something. “So where tha bloody hell ah ya?” *shudder* I realise we’re not a very sophisticated country (all the people in Melbourne are saying “hmph! Speak for yourself commoner”) But really, aren’t we better than that?

Agh it’s way past my bedtime again.

Sun was shining again today. It was pleasantly cool in the morning, but by the afternoon it was humid again. The forecast said it will rain tomorrow, Wednesday, Thursday… they apparently can’t predict as far as Friday, but never mind because they’ll get it wrong anyway. I live my life for rainy days.

I cooked dinner tonight (a rare occurrence!). We’re supposed to take it in turns cooking meals throughout the week, but lately it’s just been each person for themselves. Or else two people will make something for two people, and whoever else is there misses out. But tonight I made a proper meal. I went out to the grocery store at lunch time, and I chose ingredients, and even though I worked overtime, and Noelle and I got home later than expected due to missing the bus due to us holding cups of tea and the bus driver closing the door and driving off, I still managed to get everything together in reasonable time. Good. And it was nice!

I dyed my hair on Saturday, and I wasn’t sure what the reaction would be at work since the parts that aren’t black are really bright. First of all, Spike said, “Oh you dyed your hair red”. I said it wasn’t red. Kirra said, “You dyed your hair mulberry.” Boss said “You dyed your hair purple.” It’s not any of those. The colour was actually raspberry, though obviously lots of people see colours differently. Like Lauren will often say something is blue when it’s so obviously green. When we were at a Chinese Restaurant in London, there was a Chinese embroidered shirt hanging on the wall and it was like the colour of grass but darker, and I said it was pretty, and Lauren said, “oh that blue one over there?” So I didn’t know which one she was talking about, and I thought she was looking at something different to what I was. Anyway, that was dumb because it was green. So green.

Work tomorrow. I am going to go to bed at a reasonable hour tonight (I always say that!). What is a reasonable hour though? Who decides that? I don’t know why, but that reminds me, of when we were on our tour and people kept saying to me “Don’t play with your food.” and I would say, “why? Why not play with my food? You tell me why and I won’t.” But no one ever knew why. Why? And, “Didn’t your mum ever tell you not to play with your food?” yes, but why? I think I made a smiley face on my plate in Paris. It’s just that when there’s potato on there, and other things I can’t eat, there’s nothing to do while everyone else is eating theirs. And they’re just going to throw it out anyway. People just make up rules and then follow them for the sake of it.

So. I’m going to read some more of my book and then go to sleep. Sleeeeep. It’s so nice now that I have real pillows! Oooh I just remembered that we get a holiday in May! And all the family is going to be there! In Townsville! And lucky it’s May, because then it won’t be too hot. And we’ll get to see all the cousins and the aunts and uncles and everyone! And I get time off work! So good. And then I’m not allowed to take any more holidays until the end of the year. Please remind me blog. Don’t let me be tempted by all the possible long weekends stretched out before me on the calendar. I can make it through!

I’ve still got two special needs leave days anyway. Oh and I have to organise that day that I went home halfway through! I forgot all about that. Team Leader hasn’t said anything to me about it, but maybe she will in our next one-on-one. I just have to organise it. Every time they know I’m talking to dad, or about him, they say to me, “Don’t stress, don’t worry about it, it’s not your responsibility.” Even if I don’t look or sound or act stressed at all. It’s not my responsibility!

I’m so irresponsible.

And I am working again this weekend. I wonder if anyone’s going out Friday night. That could be fun. I hope they are. But I’m not sure if there’s an occasion for it… Penny’s engagement party is coming up soon too, but that’s after my birthday. The weekend after my birthday. So my birthday is coming up soon that means. Mum’s is first though. What am I gonna get her? Nooooo idea!!! At least I won’t be completely broke. The overtime should go some way further to paying off my credit card (I’m halfway there! Yippee!) And then I’ll get overtime pay again the next week. That will be good. But then there’s no more on offer after this week, so that will be the end of it. Then it will be my birthday. What to do? I could make everyone go to the zoo again, I could make that my birthday thing, that was fun. And something everyone can enjoy, apart from people who don’t like animals, but they can go have a cry about it. Hahahaa or I could make everyone go to the Art Gallery, and Roshard would either cry, or never speak to me again, or both.

I looked on a job site on the weekend, and found a job the same as mine in London, and it was 20-30GBP/Hr. That’s so awesome! That’s more than what I earn in dollars! Crazy. You could work over there, earn a heap of money and live in some crappy little apartment or bedsit and just go on holidays all over the world! That would be so amazing. I wonder how different the work would be in England. Kirra thinks not so much, as our titles would be based on theirs because we were colonised by them, and they would have created the land titling system. I’d agree with this, seeing as we have counties and parishes, which seem like an odd thing to have since use council divisions, not counties. They’re just superfluous, leftovers from olden days. But I like that. And I like when you find a really old title, like 1800s, the paper is so delicate and the entire thing is written in caligraphic handwriting, and they have information on there like the owners occupation (womens occupation is usually married woman, spinster, or widow) and they describe things as romantically as legalese would allow, which is much more than it would be nowadays. At the titles office they have the very first title of QLD (now cancelled of course) that was something like Volume 1, Folio 1, back in the days when they used Volumes and Folios in Queensland. It’s framed and hanging on the wall. I don’t know why I’m writing about this in such a fascinated way. It’s just work.

I’m going to bed.