Travel | casbot.com.au

Die dulci freure — Have a nice day

Family, Movies, Travel, United Kingdom No Responses »

Mar 212007

I’m sorry. I can tend to be a drama queen quite often. I’m terrible at hiding my feelings, mostly because I don’t try.

Lauren, Nathan, Noelle & I went to see Hot Fuzz tonight. It was funny. I’m in a strange mood. See if you can guess what it is! I’ve been exasperated, impatient, obscene… Every single one of my muscles is spontaneously twitching. I just want to go DO something! I’ve wrapped myself up in a cocoon, and finally emerged to a stultifying, tedious existence. I want to FEEL something, mostly something good. I want to feel appreciated, admired, important, wanted…

I want to go out and test myself. I want to challenge myself and other people. I want to learn something new, meet someone who opens my mind to new possibilities, someone who really sees me.

Does that person even exist? I’m willing to give anything a try right now. This mood feels effortless. It feels like lifting your face to the warmest rays of sun on a cold morning, or like one of those amazing flying dreams, where you’re soaring far above everything and it’s the best feeling you’ve ever experienced. I am me. I am not going to compromise this any more. Whatever happens from here on in, it’s because I chose for it to happen. Because I want it to happen.

Some things:

About Overseas…

I don’t care if I have to fly in a hot air balloon, because once you’re over there it doesn’t matter! You’re just like “ye olde englande towne!” and standing in front of that fountain near that big screen wherever that is, and going to oxford circus and piccadilly circus and they’re not actually circuses, just places. And going on the Tube, which is a really good transport system because it’s fast and the trains come like every 2 mins, and if a train is delayed they actually tell you, AND they tell you why. And you can go to Carnaby Street and see all the people going to Carnaby Street to be at Carnaby Street, then when you walk past some random driveway maybe a soldier in a red uniform will march out on a horse and a police officer will tell you and the rest of the people walking to “move aside please, move aside!” and then you might get to go to grenwich and when you walk up to the mean time thing on top of the hill maybe some asian guy will be standing with crumbs on him and squirrels all around and on him and you can take funny photos!

Austria….

When we were in Austria, in Innsbruck, we went to a little coffee & cake shop and ordered strudel and sacher torte. Our friend pronounced it “sasha” and the waitress and some random guy sitting next to us laughed at us. Then we started saying all the german we knew, and Lauren said “arschloch”. They were shocked that we knew a swear word! The coffee shop was nice and warm, and we stayed there for a couple of hours drinking hot chocolate. When we left, it was dark, and we could see the lights from chalets on the mountains twinkling above the town. It was beautiful. The mountains rose like a painted backdrop, straight up into the sky above the rooftops.

We went to find a net café, and tried to follow the directions that the lady at the tourist information centre had given us. We ended up not finding the net café, but finding instead an ice skating rink surrounded on all sides by quaint little shops, and lit with old lampposts that cast a warm yellow glow over everything. We watched the people skating for a while, and then headed back.

Other places…

I’d love to be in England, in Greenwich park, sitting on a blanket on the grass in the sunshine and watching the squirrels running around through the dappled light from the autumnal trees scattered over the grounds.

Or…

I’d love to be wandering around the streets of Rome, with smartcars zooming past blaring their horns, nearly crashing into anything and everything. The smell of grass and dirt is in the air because it’s just rained, but the sun has come out and I’m watching it envelop the ancient, crumbling statues and buildings in a dreamy, afternoon haze of pale orange and fuchsia.

Or…

I’d love to be in Paris, in the Jardins Tulieres, sitting on one of the green wrought-iron chairs randomly placed around the fountains, watching people stroll past enjoying a warm afternoon in the park, and listening to the language of Romance being spoken all around me.

Just the facts

Angst, Animals, Family, Friends, Health, Travel, TV, Work No Responses »

Jan 072007

I haven’t really felt like writing for the past couple of weeks. I guess I haven’t really had anything I needed to get off my chest or vent about. Not surprising considering that I wasn’t at work. These have been the most relaxing two weeks of my entire year, that I can remember anyway. Tomorrow marks my first day back at work. I’m trying not to think about it, which is pretty difficult for me because whenever I’m anxious or stressed about something, I tend to work my way through every possible scenario in my head to prepare myself for whatever could happen. It doesn’t work, so I stress myself out for nothing. I’m trying to not pre-empt and let things eventuate on their own, and just take things as they come. I’m not saying that I’m being very successful, but the point is that I’m making an effort. I think.

I thought I would sum up 2006 for me with the major events of my life.

1. Stepped on foreign soil for the very first time
In January of last year, Lauren and I flew to Heathrow via Brunei and Dubai from Brisbane. It was the most exhilarating, exciting, eye-opening and overwhelming experience of my life thus far. We visited 9 countries in 12 days via Contiki tour, and then added another one to our list by booking cheap flights through Ryanair (their planes were scary) and flying to Ireland. We also did a quick three-day visit to Berlin, and then toured some of the English countryside on our last couple of weeks in the UK.

2. Completely re-evaluated my life
It may not seem like it, but when I got back from our overseas trip, I felt as though I had changed fundamentally. I was no longer the same person that had left Australia six weeks earlier. I felt that I needed people to see me for who I was, as someone new, and treat me accordingly, or I would fall into the trap of acting the same as I had before and being the old me simply because that’s the way people were treating me. I went through a dark time of depression when I tried to reintegrate into my old life – settling back into the old routine of work, sleep, work, sleep, ad infinitum. I felt that I was wasting my life. I desperately wanted to be learning, to be at university or just somewhere else different entirely from my old life. I wanted to escape and keep travelling, either change the world or make a huge change in my own life.

Despite my current work situaion, I’m much happier now. I still feel unfulfilled, but I see it as a good thing because I know that there is more out there for me. I’m looking forward to learning and developing myself in other areas, and discovering which path I should be walking to get to where I want to go. I just know that the next job for me is just waiting for me to reach out and grab it.

3. Broke my arm
This was a huge thing for me. I seem to have quite a lot of injuries, but nothing that’s really obvious. Everything that I have is long term and I’ve learnt to deal with whatever effect it has on my life. In early June, I was playing around on Rosie’s new(ish) skateboard in the downstairs part of the house. The statistics of injuries involving skateboards or the title of this point should make it obvious what happened. I tried to tic-tac, and then ended up flying through the air and landing very hard on my arm, with it twisted around behind my back. It was broken in three places, as I found out later. Anyway, I eventually (about two hours later) got to the hospital, and a couple of weeks later I had to go back in for an operation to have my wrist re-set and so they could drill into my bone to screw bits of metal to it. The pain after the operation, when I was at home recovering, was so bad that I would just lie on a mattress in the lounge room writhing around and whimpering. After they took the recovery cast off, I had to wear a splint for eight weeks. My recovery was fairly speedy apparently, but my left wrist will never be as strong as my right wrist.

4. Dinna died
My beloved cat, Dinna, died on the 14th June 2006. This was also Rosie’s 18th birthday. Dinna had been sick for a while with bladder problems. This day, though, the vet discovered that he actually had a tumour on his spine which was causing all the other problems he was having. He took a sharp turn for the worse and mum called me at work to tell me that the vet recommended he be put down. He was given the injection while I was at work, and mum and Rosie picked me up at about lunch time with Dinna in the car with them, so that we could take him to Lauren & Nathan’s new house to bury him. Dinna was an important part of my life. I’d had him for four and a half years. He’d moved interstate four times since he was a kitten. He was a beautiful cat, loving and affectionate. R.I.P. DeeDee.

5. Another family reunion
Well, a reunion of sorts. I think pretty much everyone travelled to Townsville for Aunty Helen’s 50th birthday celebrations. It was great to spend time with all the cousins again, and to see Laura all grown up and FUNNY! And to see Luke and his fiancee Kate (they’re now married) and Francis and his girlfriend Bron (now engaged – getting married on the 24th March). It’s strange seeing people have changed so much while you’ve been too busy concentrating on living your own life. You don’t realise that other people are getting on with theirs until you meet up again… So I’ve grown up quite a bit, but so has everyone else. It was so good to see everyone, even Norm & Yvonne came up from Leeton for the weekend. I went home early because I got sick, which started the conspiracy theory that I always get sick at these big family events (this one was the hat trick).

6. Lauren and Nathan got engaged
I think everyone knew it was going to happen, it was just a matter of time. Nathan proposed to Lauren on her 25th Birthday this year, on the 20th September, while they were having a special birthday meal at the Three Monkeys in West End. Lauren’s the first of the Brisbane children to get engaged, and she’ll be getting married in January 2008. She’s already acting like the wife, and PeePee is their son.

7. I got a new kitten
Napoleon kitten was born in August some time. I went to collect him from D’Aguila (yeah, where the HELL is that???) on 24th September. He’s a manx kitten, now just growing out of his awkward teenage phase and turning into a real cat (he’s growing into his arms and legs). He’s a bit bitey and scratchy (as anyone who has seen my hands and arms recently can attest), but I’m sure he’ll grow out of it, especially once he’s been … you know what’ed. He is the loudest purring cat ever in the history of the universe, and he has the best smell. Kudos to Christian for the image.

8. Made new friends

Christian and Neo are very special friends, I’m glad to have met them. I’ve learnt a lot about photography, domains, self-aggrandising entries on Wikipedia, fluffyness, fully-grown cats… not to mention Trailer Park Boys, Borat, Bruno, Snow Leopards, and Fawlty Towers. I’ve also been fortunate in meeting wonderful people through work – Calum has been a great source of fun, knowledge, inspiration, and help and reassurance, as has Benyamin. Chris (Chrisanova) is important to me also. I’m lucky to have so many special people in my life.

In summary, this year has been pretty turbulent. There have been periods of nothing much at all, and then periods of everything happening at once. I’ve changed significantly from the person I was at the start of last year, but in many ways I’m still the same. My style has changed, my circles of friends have changed (apart from a few mainstays). Fundamentally, I think I’m still the same. There are things I still aspire to do, and to be, and I hope that this year will see me reaching some of my goals. I’ve got an entire year to look forward to. I’m going to make the best of it!

t(-_-t) fofofofofofofofofofo

Animals, Family, Friends, Travel, United Kingdom No Responses »

Jun 032006

Noe and I had a picnic today at Roma St Parklands. It was so beautiful. The wind was blowing a gale but the sun was so nice and warm. We sat on the grassy section just down from the cafe and watched things happen around us. There was a father and son and daughter playing frisbee, and the son kept throwing it near some other people who were sitting just a bit further away from them. We thought each time that the frisbee was going to hit the people, but it never did. We had a sleep in the sun and then headed back to civilisation.

I think I can I think I can I think I can I KNOW I CAN!

The coloured train that snakes its way around the parkland on the pathways.

the sky

duckies

some ducks

ducky

One duck that I followed around near the fountains.

dumb ibis

Dumb ibis. It understood Noelle’s threat when she picked up her shoe, and hurried off to annoy someone else. They always try to look so innocent, but they’re sneaky.

On the way home I found two new notes from the Bus Stop Man, this time on green paper. They said “thonk you Jesus” (there was no way the ‘o’ could have possibly been an ‘a’), and “Are you saved?”. There’s some evangelical kid wandering around leaving these notes like they’re on a mission from god, I’m sure of it. The writing is too young not to be. Or else it’s just a really immature adult.. Someone who doesn’t fully understand the workings of the world. Not that anyone actually does, but you know, less so than most other people who manage to function well in the universe.Even though I had a nap today, and slept in later than I meant to this morning, I am still tired because I stayed up so late last night. I didn’t want to go to bed because I was cleaning and organising, and I was really enjoying it. But today, when I was trying to find something, I sliced my finger on the blade that’s in my drawer, because I put it away there last night and I forgot that I’d done that. So my finger wouldn’t stop bleeding (it has now) and I couldn’t do anything with it. It doesn’t hurt too much… not at all really. I’m having trouble typing, but that’s only because of the bandaid. I hate bandaids, they’re so grotty. Even when you first put them on they’re gross.I had spoken to mum previously about how sore my back has been lately (moreso than usual) and I thought that she told me not to worry about it, so I haven’t really been worried, I’ve more been just putting up with the pain or doing things to make sure I don’t make it worse than it already is. But tonight I asked her again and she said, “I’ve already spoken to you about this, and I told you to go to the doctor about it.” So now I’m confused. Did I just make up that whole conversation where she told me not to worry about it, just to ease my mind? I can’t afford to go to the doctor, but also this cough is annoying me too. So I could kill two birds with one stone by going this week. And maybe I could even kill three birds with one stone – if I can afford to get my second hepatitis immunisation that would be good also, because I’m supposed to have it a month after the first and I had the first on the 26 April. I also have to get tetanus, polio & MMR vaccines because we have no booster records for me. The only medical records I have from when I was younger are my x-rays. I have x-rays coming out of my ears, but none of that is of any use to me.

Noelle said that if drastic action isn’t taken, we’re going to run out of water by 2008. Dams are already at less than 5 percent capacity. That seems crazy. The dried out, barren look of everything makes me feel a little forlorn.

Something from overseas…

Me in a black cab in London on Australia Day 2006. I was pretty drunk, and psyched to be there, but slightly surprised when Lauren confronted me with the camera and reacted by retreating into my coat 6_6. It was an awesome night. We went to a walkabout and everyone was wearing straw fosters hats and thongs. We didn’t look very Australian compared to the locals

I am Siam oh hear me roar…

Family, Friends, Going out, Music, Pictures, Travel, Weather 1 Response »

Apr 302006

This Grates album is awesome. And I’m not just saying that to be super-supportive because we are friends with them. It really is a good album. So I don’t want anyone thinking that I like their music just because we’re friends, I like their music on its own merits. Because it’s good. I was so excited that they played 19 20 20 at 299 last night! That was so much fun.

Songs that were good to dance to:

* 192020 – The Grates (Grrr grr!)
* Blister in the sun – Violent Femmes

I have a hazy memory of last night. I just remembered that they often played lots of emo music that wasn’t that good to dance to. And the songs kind of merged together because they all sounded the same.

Stupid emo music. When we got home, rage was on and Dresden Dolls were the guest progammers, so there was even more emo music (Panic! At the disco was a dubious highlight.. as was The Used… Listen kids, can you hear that? It’s the worlds tiniest violin playing the worlds saddest song just for you!)

I wanna go back there! It was so much fun! Me & Noelle may go there this Saturday because I’m having a sleepover at her place since mum’s having a party that night and I already decided I’d rather not be here for it. So I’ll stay over at Noe’s place. Then the next week after that, I have like.. six days off in a row woot! I’ll be in Townsville then. I really want to go out to Broadwater, but I don’t think there is any way of getting out there. Noelle will know more about it. It seems a shame not to go out there when I’ve already gone all the way to Townsville and it’s like three days drive. Or an hour & a half by plane. It will be Rosie’s very first plane trip. I wonder if she’ll be scared? I can’t remember being scared the very first time I went on an aeroplane. Lauren and I were going by ourselves, and we had to wear tags that said “unaccompanied minor” or UM for short. Dad wanted to write “D” in front of the UM. lol nice. But yeah, it was all a bit of a novelty, and not frightening really. But the first time i went on a plane in about four years was this year, and I was sort of apprehensive about it. I’m not sure why. I kept opening and closing the blinds on the window until Lauren got irritated and told me to stop. Anyway. looks like it might rain today, which is always good. I hope it does.

It’s always dangerous when relatives come over and play with the fridge magnets.

House is nice when it’s clean.

The guy wearing a dress at the RSL. I took a sneaky photo of him and then ran from the club cackling maniacally.

I tried to make you see but you don’t wanna know

Angst, Emo, Family, Poetry, Religion, Shopping, Travel, United Kingdom, Work, Writing No Responses »

Mar 112006

I must remember not to turn my computer on when I am trying to get ready for work. The pro of having a clock constantly there with the time (otherwise I have to keep checking my phone) is far outweighed by the con – being that I cannot just leave the computer to sit there, I think I have time to surf… “maybe just while I’m drying my hair…” which turns into half an hour and that’s half my time gone. Then I know I’ll never be ready for the first bus, so I think I’ll just catch the next bus, then that bus becomes the next one and so on, until I have no hope of getting to work on time. Maybe I’m exaggerating just a little. But it’s harder to make up the time when I get to work late, because my entire day is planned around me getting to work early and finishing early.

I met up with Noelle in the city today after I finished work at 1pm. We were supposed to be watching the St. Paddy’s day parade (which, for some reason, isn’t on St. Pat’s day but is on the week before) but it turned out that it finished at 12pm, so I was never going to be out in time for that anyway. We ran errands – which means we went shopping. I managed not to buy anything today – shock-horror! Ooops apart from groceries that is. We were trying to find some shoes for Noelle, but had no luck. Nothing that inspiring around. We picked up her photos though, and had a look through them while waiting for the bus.

There were so many emos crowding around near speakers corner in King George Square today. Some of them had letters on their shirts, and they started lining up so the words were spelling something. Noelle was shocked. “Those emos are organised emos!” She said. Luckily she had her camera, and was wearing emo clothes, so she went up and took a photo. Bold move! She got death stared by an emo for laughing at something one of them said. Also in King George Square, further down near the crossing to the mall, there were some evangelists with a recording playing from a boom box. We pondered over their definition of adultery for a minute, and pretended to look interested. I wanted one of them to come over to us and offer us one of their little pamphlets, then I could say, “hey, buddy, you’re preaching to the choir.” And it would be funny because he was preaching, even if I’m not in the choir. But I don’t like the evangelists. It’s like they’re trying to shove something down your throat, and I don’t think it’s worthwhile unless you come to the conclusion yourself that this is the road you need to be following. It’s not about someone telling you the right way to go – you’ve got to figure that out for yourself or you’ll never understand it from your own point of view. I said “JUDGE NOT LEST YE BE JUDGED!” Which seems to be my catch cry at the moment, and Noelle said “Maybe they want to be judged, because they think they’re perfect, so that’s why they’re judging other people.” Which I hadn’t thought about before, but now it makes sense. Self-righteous sanctimonious ecclesiastical sycophants. Who’s judging who now? WHO’S PERFECT NOW?

Anyway, today was fun. Once I finished work that is. Work was boring boring boring. So boring you can’t even imagine. I was looking at my future holiday accrual balances, and I’m not sure if I should take extra days off after my holiday. I will need to book it in now, to make sure no one else takes the dates that I want to take! Melinda and I can’t be off at the same time, as there needs to be a mentor there. But what if we were both sick on the same day? They should be prepared for instances such as that. But apparently there shouldn’t be any jet-lag when I go to China because China is only two hours behind us, and the flight isn’t that long. I’m not having any of the food on the plane. I can hold out until I get to Shanghai. The plane food on the way home from London made me so sick, just thinking about it makes me feel slightly queasy. Yuck.

I’m up late again! But at least I can sleep in tomorrow YAY. Sleeeep. I love sleep.

So. Last night, instead of going to sleep, I wrote a whole stream of consciousness down on paper, and it makes no sense whatsoever. But this is what’s in my head.

Happiness is a bell ringing
At the back of your throat
And when you open your mouth
Shiny sounds tumble out!

Those who told you
“Life is lived through sunshine alone!”
Will stay silent when night falls
And they don’t know how to live!

I watched them all gather in a corner
Pronouncing us a lost cause
And, with a sigh, moving on.
Next order of business! …
Killing time!
Minute taker, take an hour
I’ve got no use for all this time
The day’s stretched out before me
Like a blank page
And me without a pen!

I followed the path but it
turned out to be a furrow in
a field of angry red flowers,
where I am standing, dismayed
and disenchanted.

I followed a path of angry followers on
an angry mission to rid the world
of amibvalence
Anything to feel something!

There was smoke curling in tendrils
From the corners of your mouth
You were on fire and I was
on the edge of my seat
But you are all burnt out and black inside.

That’s how I began.

Wait for the green to start over again, and
it will grow. It won’t become what you want it to be,
but I was much more impresed by the ending anyway.
Tell me again.

Sweetheart, your feelings are more important of course

Angst, Cynicism, Emo, Food, Friends, Health, Money, Music, Politics, Shopping, Travel, TV, United Kingdom, Work 1 Response »

Mar 102006

I’m so tired, and feeling sick.

I drank too much tea today, and I feel like I start moving through strobe lights, staggered movements but really fast. Like stop-start-stop-start… except on fast forward. I’m so tired because I’ve been doing overtime for two whole weeks now, which is exhausting when I don’t get to bed until 11pm and wake up at 5am. I had to come home early yesterday and go to bed early, so I only did an hour extra. Almost not worth it. I’ve still got a cabcharge voucher because I forgot it the first night, caught the train, and it took me 40 minutes to walk home in the dark. It’s a nice walk though, so I don’t mind. Even in the dark it’s nice.

I got so tired day before yesterday at work that I made stupid mistakes and strongly berated myself for them. I burst into tears at one point because I was frustrated with how stupid I was. This was a combination of tiredness and thinking other stupid things (not work stupid things, but home stupid) that I had done which have been like constant storm clouds above my head, and I’m just waiting for the deluge. Kirra said I’m way too harsh on myself, that I should give myself a break, but I don’t think I deserve one. If I do something stupid, I have to acknowledge it because otherwise I can’t learn from it, and remember not to do that again. But I never learn. So what’s the point?

I get so frustrated with myself, because I can see where I go wrong, I can see it. I made a stupid, stupid, obvious mistake. It wasn’t a big mistake, just a little one that didn’t matter, but that makes it worse I think. How could I do that? How could I not see? Ugh. I’m such an idiot. I hate TV. It’s so loud and dominates whatever room it’s in. That’s fine if all you want to do is watch TV, but what if all you want to do is read? or write? or talk to someone? TV is selfish. I’m selfish so I guess I can’t really talk. Judge not lest ye be judged. Why have I been so judgmental?

Finally they had blue dye in stock, but now they have no black. If I had a store which sold things like that I’d make sure they were constantly there, and if they weren’t there, I’d put a little sign up which said, “sorry! This product is out of stock. We should have some more available ______” and i’d also let people put products on hold so they could get one as soon as they came in. It’s a guaranteed sale, people! I think it would be better if they put a sign up saying when they expected more to come in, because then I wouldn’t have to go searching all over the city or check back in every day and I could just come back to that shop the date it was supposed to come back in. I suppose that’s not a guarantee that it would be there, but it’s better than having no idea at all.

We saw the cutest boy in the city today. He had a long black coat on, not a trenchie (yuck), but sgt pepper style almost, and a jaunty little hat. He looked awesome. Some interesting news from my lunchtime boredom: Kim Jong-Il of North Korea has allowed the release of a love song – shock horror! And England has banned our “where the bloody hell are you?” tourism campaign ads – big surprise. Someone had to. Penny said they were just being precious, but that’s their prerogative. If our tourism industry wants to make ridiculous adverts, then they have every right to refuse them.

One of the spokespeople for the ads said something along the lines of “you can’t buy this publicity!” Like it was a really good thing. Everybody’s going to think we’re gutter-mouthed bimbos. The boys don’t get too bad a rap, but it’s as though women’s suffrage never happened. Everyone’s so misogynistic. I feel sad.

I want to see an ad broadcast internationally that features the following all-Australian themes: Emos sulking in black skinny-legs and red paintings or MCR shirts; the Cronulla racial riots (to add some excitement); Macquarie Fields (just cause); Street Hawkers closing in for the kill; 15 year-old mothers-to-be getting high on the Baby Bonus… I can’t think straight right now. I’m sure there are a million other Aussie clichés that could be used and would create a far more accurate portrayal of modern Australian life.

Anyway, today I felt much better after getting a decent nights sleep. And I was ready in time to catch the early bus, and for some reason my access card worked straight away when usually I have to wait until 6:30am… I’ll have to catch the train tomorrow because our bus doesn’t run that early on Saturdays. I can’t wait until this overtime is OVER. I can’t afford not to take it while it’s on offer, but it’s just so exhausting. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if I went to bed at a reasonable hour, but I just can’t seem to. I go to bed and just lay there, awake, waiting to sleep, even though I’m so tired I can’t keep my eyes open. I never used to have trouble sleeping. I’ve got too many things running through my mind.

Kirra said that I bite so easily when people are stirring me up. I’m easily stirred up. It’s not that I take things seriously, because I know that people are just joking. It’s not like I go and sulk in a corner when people joke with me, though apparently I did sound really serious when I said “shut up!” to Nathan K, but that was only because he stood there for ages making chicken noises at me. He said “I thought you were braver than that.” And I said, “No, I’m really not.” though it’s not really fair because I didn’t have a choice It wasn’t like I could take the vote and use that as justification for sending the email.

Agh I’m falling asleep. That’s a sign to me that what I’m writing is boring. BORING! I have that sound in my head, of someone saying BORING but I’m not sure where it comes from. I think it’s just me.

I paid my deposit on my trip today. How exciting! That’s what I think of whenever I feel down. GREY SKIES ARE GONNA CLEAR UP, PUT ON A HAPPY FACE! Why do people say to me “SMILE!” when I am feeling sad? Why should I smile? That’s like lying. It’s a lie.

I like that “All these things that I’ve done” song by the Killers. I don’t know why. I like the words, though when you put them together they don’t seem to mean all that much.

I want to turn back time and have gone to sleep hours ago, not still be sitting here awake not being able to go to bed because I still want to keep listening to Modest Mouse which I haven’t listened to in ages, but how to start work early tomorrow? And how to cope with everything? And how to continue?

Sleeeeeeep sounds good right now.

I’m going to say what I meant to say before (my voice was never loud enough to make it count)

Books, Family, Food, Friends, Going out, Money, Travel, United Kingdom, Weather, Work No Responses »

Mar 062006

Sun was shining again today. It was pleasantly cool in the morning, but by the afternoon it was humid again. The forecast said it will rain tomorrow, Wednesday, Thursday… they apparently can’t predict as far as Friday, but never mind because they’ll get it wrong anyway. I live my life for rainy days.

I cooked dinner tonight (a rare occurrence!). We’re supposed to take it in turns cooking meals throughout the week, but lately it’s just been each person for themselves. Or else two people will make something for two people, and whoever else is there misses out. But tonight I made a proper meal. I went out to the grocery store at lunch time, and I chose ingredients, and even though I worked overtime, and Noelle and I got home later than expected due to missing the bus due to us holding cups of tea and the bus driver closing the door and driving off, I still managed to get everything together in reasonable time. Good. And it was nice!

I dyed my hair on Saturday, and I wasn’t sure what the reaction would be at work since the parts that aren’t black are really bright. First of all, Spike said, “Oh you dyed your hair red”. I said it wasn’t red. Kirra said, “You dyed your hair mulberry.” Boss said “You dyed your hair purple.” It’s not any of those. The colour was actually raspberry, though obviously lots of people see colours differently. Like Lauren will often say something is blue when it’s so obviously green. When we were at a Chinese Restaurant in London, there was a Chinese embroidered shirt hanging on the wall and it was like the colour of grass but darker, and I said it was pretty, and Lauren said, “oh that blue one over there?” So I didn’t know which one she was talking about, and I thought she was looking at something different to what I was. Anyway, that was dumb because it was green. So green.

Work tomorrow. I am going to go to bed at a reasonable hour tonight (I always say that!). What is a reasonable hour though? Who decides that? I don’t know why, but that reminds me, of when we were on our tour and people kept saying to me “Don’t play with your food.” and I would say, “why? Why not play with my food? You tell me why and I won’t.” But no one ever knew why. Why? And, “Didn’t your mum ever tell you not to play with your food?” yes, but why? I think I made a smiley face on my plate in Paris. It’s just that when there’s potato on there, and other things I can’t eat, there’s nothing to do while everyone else is eating theirs. And they’re just going to throw it out anyway. People just make up rules and then follow them for the sake of it.

So. I’m going to read some more of my book and then go to sleep. Sleeeeep. It’s so nice now that I have real pillows! Oooh I just remembered that we get a holiday in May! And all the family is going to be there! In Townsville! And lucky it’s May, because then it won’t be too hot. And we’ll get to see all the cousins and the aunts and uncles and everyone! And I get time off work! So good. And then I’m not allowed to take any more holidays until the end of the year. Please remind me blog. Don’t let me be tempted by all the possible long weekends stretched out before me on the calendar. I can make it through!

I’ve still got two special needs leave days anyway. Oh and I have to organise that day that I went home halfway through! I forgot all about that. Team Leader hasn’t said anything to me about it, but maybe she will in our next one-on-one. I just have to organise it. Every time they know I’m talking to dad, or about him, they say to me, “Don’t stress, don’t worry about it, it’s not your responsibility.” Even if I don’t look or sound or act stressed at all. It’s not my responsibility!

I’m so irresponsible.

And I am working again this weekend. I wonder if anyone’s going out Friday night. That could be fun. I hope they are. But I’m not sure if there’s an occasion for it… Penny’s engagement party is coming up soon too, but that’s after my birthday. The weekend after my birthday. So my birthday is coming up soon that means. Mum’s is first though. What am I gonna get her? Nooooo idea!!! At least I won’t be completely broke. The overtime should go some way further to paying off my credit card (I’m halfway there! Yippee!) And then I’ll get overtime pay again the next week. That will be good. But then there’s no more on offer after this week, so that will be the end of it. Then it will be my birthday. What to do? I could make everyone go to the zoo again, I could make that my birthday thing, that was fun. And something everyone can enjoy, apart from people who don’t like animals, but they can go have a cry about it. Hahahaa or I could make everyone go to the Art Gallery, and Roshard would either cry, or never speak to me again, or both.

I looked on a job site on the weekend, and found a job the same as mine in London, and it was 20-30GBP/Hr. That’s so awesome! That’s more than what I earn in dollars! Crazy. You could work over there, earn a heap of money and live in some crappy little apartment or bedsit and just go on holidays all over the world! That would be so amazing. I wonder how different the work would be in England. Kirra thinks not so much, as our titles would be based on theirs because we were colonised by them, and they would have created the land titling system. I’d agree with this, seeing as we have counties and parishes, which seem like an odd thing to have since use council divisions, not counties. They’re just superfluous, leftovers from olden days. But I like that. And I like when you find a really old title, like 1800s, the paper is so delicate and the entire thing is written in caligraphic handwriting, and they have information on there like the owners occupation (womens occupation is usually married woman, spinster, or widow) and they describe things as romantically as legalese would allow, which is much more than it would be nowadays. At the titles office they have the very first title of QLD (now cancelled of course) that was something like Volume 1, Folio 1, back in the days when they used Volumes and Folios in Queensland. It’s framed and hanging on the wall. I don’t know why I’m writing about this in such a fascinated way. It’s just work.

I’m going to bed.

Is it still a lie if you don’t know it’s not true?

Angst, Family, Food, Friends, Shopping, Travel, Work 3 Responses »

Mar 032006

I am a drowned rat, crawling into wherever rats crawl into (crawl spaces) and curling into a ball. Internally that is. Emotionally.

Externally I am a drowned rat also, since we just walked home in the rain, in the dark. We walked so long and lost our bearings, at first, but once we came across the pedestrian path I knew where we were, just not how to get to where we needed to go. The pathways curved and turned into stairs which crossed the inner city bypass high above the road in corridors that are interesting like the corridors you can see of the Royal Brisbane Hospital, that connect different wards and buildings, and make me think of science fiction films.

Noelle, Clare & I went to see films at QUT tonight. They were also interesting – one about the state of the economy in Argentina and Turkey, and one about the global privatisation of water. Kirra had put the leftovers from the work morning tea in one of the plastic boxes for me, and Noelle and I ate these at half time. Clare, being wheat intolerant, couldn’t have any of the food and ate her own food. We got back into the film late, but made it just as the title appeared on the screen. After the first film I had said to Clare & Noelle… “I am the enemy. I’m working for the enemy…” That was the part I always hated about my job anyway.

It’s such a Liberal type of industry. All they care about are the numbers. Although they do try at least a little to make it seem like they care about you personally. They don’t fool me!

So many things I didn’t know, and still don’t! (My, what an obvious statement!)

The university is so big and confusing. I wonder how people find their way to classes… I wonder how I would find my way to classes… If I was going there.

So I went to see Trina today. China is the destination now, I just have to get holidays organised. I thought I was being over-eager, booking in now, but two other people have already gotten in before me which means that I will have to work the day the flight leaves, which isn’t such a problem since it leaves at 11:30pm or something ridiculous, so I could work early like I do anyway and finish at 3:30pm, and still have time to get things organised, and get out to the airport (to day ayyyyeparrrt, aaaaaayye paort!). I just don’t know how I’d be able to concentrate that day. Well, I can’t go any earlier so it might have to be later. Meaning early next year, rather than end of this year. Which I would just haaaaaate because I already can’t wait to go and if I add another week I won’t be able to stand it!

I also have a bunch of stuff on UK Visas to look at. That would be amazing, working overseas. I wonder what it would be like. I don’t want to live the whole Aussie in UK life, where you earn just enough to pay your rent and spend all the rest on alcohol and just get pissed in a different country every weekend. I would want to actually see and experience things. And I want to know things. That’s the main thing, I think. I want to know everything about the place I’m in. And then I want to see the things that I know about. I’m going to see the Great Wall of China! Cool! How facile did that sound?

Anyway. It’s raining and cool. The weather decided, on the 1st, that since it was autumn it should start acting like it. So, from the very first day of autumn, it has been cool and mostly rainy. The transition was startling. One day it was summer and it was hot and steamy, the next day it was autumn and it was cold and rainy. I looooooove autumn. I change into my havs after work just so that I can walk in the puddles on my way home. I love the rain. I love hearing the rain at night, and in the morning when you wake up and you know you can sleep in. Lying in bed listening to the rain is one of my most favourite things in the world. But it has to be cold as well so that you can hide under the covers and be warm and know that it’s cold outside the cocoon you’re in, and that the world is cold and grey but you’re warm and safe and everything’s good.

I had some toast with butter, which is the best food to eat when listening to rain outside your window at night time when it’s cold. It would have been perfect if I had a cup of tea to go with it, but I ran out of soy milk powder yesterday and there hasn’t been any more in the supermarket the last three times I checked. Where o where can you be, dear soy milk? And what shall I do without you? Never drink tea again, I suppose. And then what am I to do at morning tea and afternoon tea time at work? And what am I to do when I’m tired and need caffeine being that I don’t drink coke or V (products of choice for most people)? Don’t suggest coffee, the original problem still stands, for if I had soy milk to make coffee then i would have soy milk to make tea. And there is no point suggesting that I go without the milk because there is no point. So there.

Tomorrow I work, early again. And I am up late. And why am I wasting my Saturdays at work!? To fund the treatment for the travelling bug I guess. I should be looking at train timetables, the bus doesn’t leave until 8:10am tomorrow, and I should have been at work two hours over by that time. Oh and guess what? the train only leaves once every hour from 5:23am. So that sucks. And I refuse to catch a taxi. I guess I’ll have to catch the later train and get to work a half hour late.

I have so much washing to do, and I have to clean my room also, which means I can’t be in at work all day because I will have to come home at some stage before the afternoon because mum is having people from work over. That means that I won’t be able to go shopping with Eve tomorrow after all. It seems to be really difficult to organise time to do anything lately. Blog, remind me to message Beck back.

The nicest night to be going to sleep is right now. How lucky am I?

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio…

Family, Travel, United Kingdom No Responses »

Feb 132006

I feel very tired. It could be to do with the fact that it’s 11:30pm in London right now, and I might still be stuck on GMT, or the fact that I didn’t get to sleep until 1am this morning and was woken again at 6am by mum yelling at Rosie, and again at 7am by Lauren searching my room for something that she’s hoping I didn’t throw out when I cleaned up all the stuff from the dining room last night… not sure. So nice to be home.

I miss the cold It’s so hot here. I just went into the kitchen to get a drink, and thought “It’s nice and cool inside the house”. And thinking that, in 29 degree heat (hey, it could be worse…) makes me realise that after only a day I am again used to Aus. That seems slightly sad, because aren’t you supposed to appreciate home after being away for so long and missing out on the things that you took for granted? I thought for sure that as soon as I got the chance I’d be outside in the sunshine soaking it up. But now, it just looks too hot. And is too hot. And I’d probably get a melanoma or something.

I don’t want to forget what snow is like!

You’re wrong you know, I never really cared (this was my first real attempt at a full-blown lie)

Family, Friends, Going out, Money, Travel No Responses »

Feb 072006

Berlin is cold. I was right right right right right! Actually, it wasn me that was right, it was the weather people. Good on you weather people! I am in the foyer and every time someone opens the door i get hit with this icy blast of freezing cold air. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr… But I am sitting right next to a radiator so i should be fine.

We went to a pub tonight, and I had two Radlers, and there was a man across from us at another table who looked like he was trying to be Johnny Depp from Pirates of the Caribbean. He was funny. Sometimes Id forget that we’re in another country, because we are all just sitting around the table drinking, and then all of a sudden i hear a conversation from the next table and it’s in German and I remember.

We saw Checkpoint Charlie today, but no one is really sure what checkpoint charlie is. There are some awesome hats for sale on street stalls around checkpoint charlie. I want a white one, or a black one. But then Simone said she thinks they’re real fur, so of course I cannot support that sort of goings-on. They also sell real pins from the communist regime, and belt buckles and jackets and things. I didn’t get the chance to get to a bank today. We went into Deutsche Bank, which is really strange because it’s like a bank, and a store, and not like a bank at all, and they said i couldn’t get money out there. But hopefully i can find a bank that lets me withdraw on VISA tomorrow.

When we touched down at the airport today, we had to wait in line for so long to get our passports stamped, whereas all the EU nationals got to just go straight through. Noelle’s passport got looked at through the little eye magnifying thingy. All very exciting. Mine got the once-over and then a stamp. Danke Schon!

Anyway, i am very tired again. i really need some more sleep. Mmmmm Sleep. I guess I should go do that.

Nighto!

Older Entries Newer Entries

casbot.com.au