We’d all cast nets into the sea. I think that’s what it is. I’m not entirely sure.

Anyway, if wishes did actually come true, I’d be wishing for the book Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer to be released already, and another hundred books in the series available for sale. I’ve just finished reading the third book Eclipse, and I have to now calm the impatient part of my mind that’s saying “I WANT MORE EDWARD AND BELLA, NOW!!!!!!” Because that part of my mind is stupid and demanding.

The funny part about these books is that right about the time I got the first one, I also bought the Vampire Weekend CD. It’s funny because those books are about vampires (hot vampires), and the CD is called Vampire Weekend but it’s not really about Vampires at all. My Chemical Romance makes a better soundtrack to the Twilight series than Vampire Weekend does. Anyway, Vampire Weekend is one of my new favourites. Whoever you are, you should check them out. They’re not for everyone, and chances are that if you listen to Tool and Metallica you’ll only be able to appreciate their ability to use their instruments and not much else, but still, give them a try.

Another thing I’d recommend is my new favourite podcast – being the Keith And The Girl podcast. This is something I’ve only recently started listening to – just over the past few weeks. I’ve been downloading episodes at night or on the weekends, and listen to them throughout the day at work. The good thing about this is that I have something awesome to listen to while I work, the bad thing about it is that sometimes I burst out laughing for no apparent reason (from the perspective of my colleagues). I’ve been trying to keep it down to the occasional amused grin or giggle, but sometimes something Keith or Chemda or Patrice or anyone on the show says or does gets the better of me. Sometimes it’s just the news stories that they read out. Also Andy Rooney.

Anyway, I should get to sleep. Work tomorrow, then the day after that, then the day after that, then the day after that. But not the day after that, because that will be Saturday. Holy crap this four-day weekend went fast! Oh, and happy egg day everyone! (for Sunday). And happy birthday mum! (for Sunday). Love you all! I am very tired!

I thought I should qualify my previous angst-ridden blog post with this one, which should be less so. Perhaps it could even be contradictory, who knows? Future me will know. Hi future me! How’s it going? Why haven’t you turned Las Vegas off yet? That show suxors!

The Killers come from Las Vegas. I always thought their music had a cowboyish quality to it. Not like those old Western movies, but more like Deadwood. The gritty, real, gold-panning, gun-slinging, blood-letting west.

Then I think perhaps that’s more Kings of Leon. Those boys suddenly became all good-lookin’. When did that happen? I saw one of their film clips the other day. They really have metamorphosed into hot rock n’ roll dudes. The lead singer’s soulful, mournful, raspy voice seems somehow out of place coming from that mouth with the head with the deliberately tousled hair.

Speaking of metamorphosing, I’m still haunted by that book. The metamorphosis, that is. Not the animorphs, or the mighty morphin’ power rangers. *cough* rip off! *cough*. Though it’s hardly reasonable for me to have nostalgia for a tv show that I barely remember, I still feel the urge to defend Voltron from all the half-assed successors that kids have been fed over the last fifteen years.

I’m getting tired. I mean, I already was tired to begin with. Now I’m exhausted. Anyone have anything to add? No? Ok, cool.    

Last week, Ken told me about how he had been at a funeral where, in the middle of the eulogy, someone’s mobile phone started ringing. Was there the possibility that this guy had forgotten to switch his phone off, or onto silent, before the service had commenced? Apparently not, as he answered his phone and started talking right there in the church. I thought that this had to be some sort of joke, because Ken and Co. are well versed in sarcasm and facetiousness. However, Ken assured me this was no joke. He was completely serious. I can’t imagine anyone thinking that it would be appropriate to have your phone on and answer any call that might come through while you are at a *funeral*. Tim told me that the last time he had been to a funeral, the priest had requested that everyone turn off their mobile phones out of respect for the deceased and bereaved. The fact that people actually have to be TOLD to turn off their mobile phones at a funeral is astounding.

*** Enough of fangry things, I have not been able to write in a while, so I should have other things to say too. Maybe. …

1. I’ve been playing Guitar Hero II all evening (except for when I was watching Grey’s Anatomy) and the tips of my fingers are half numb and half tingling with painful pins & needles. Plus my wrist doesn’t like being held at the angle needed for holding the guitar for so long (my robotic wrist, that is – not the real one). I can tell I’m getting better, but sometimes I lose concentration after looking at the screen for too long. My favourite song that I seem to do well on is “Crazy for you” by Heart. I liked their Barracuda song too.

2. I have the new Harry Potter book. I’ve already read about 210 pages out of the 600-odd total, which is pretty good considering I haven’t really spent that much time on it this weekend.

3. This probably should have been number 1, but I’m too tired to go back through and edit these points, so let’s just all agree they are not in order of importance. Good. Today is Tim’s birthday. We went out for dinner last night to Dos Amigos restaurant, which is just down from Tim’s place. The meal was really delicious, even though I had the same thing I always get (If God really dwells within us like they say, I sure hope he likes enchiladas, cause that’s what he’s gettin’!). Then we came back to Tim’s place and had an ice cream dessert log as a cake. We put candles in and sang happy birthday. It was a nice night.

4. Tim has gone to New Zealand until Friday, which means that I will be a little bit forlorn. But not too much. It may not sound like a long time, but it feels like ages to me. Probably just because hes’ in another country and another time zone, though it’s not nearly as bad as when he was in the UK & Ireland.

5. I ordered an MP3 player and a ninjapass for my DS last week. I’m hoping they arrive very soon – especially the mp3 player because I just got the new Interpol album, and I’ve been hanging out for something to listen to at work. Ninjapass should be awesome too though.

Anyway, I am very tired so I think i shall go to bed. Gute Nacht!

I need to change the songs on my MP3 player (aka my mobile). I’m skipping more songs than usual because they’re just overplayed (my own personal playlist has become almost as bad as Nova or Triple M, as far as repeating the same songs over and over goes). I know that when I put new songs on, for a little while I will feel a little forlorn over the loss of familiarity of the previous song choices. It’s bittersweet, the changing of songs.

In other uninteresting news, my internet is still going ridiculously slow. So much for high-speed cable! So much for paying extra for it, for that matter. I’m going to call up and lodge a complaint. Or maybe write a letter. If you write a letter of complaint, a company is more likely to take notice. I think because it’s very deliberate. It’s tough to write a letter in the heat of the moment. You’ve then got to put it in an envelope, find the address of the complaints department, put a stamp on it, and take it to the mail box. It’s much more deliberate, and if you’re that irritated by something, you’re more likely to go and tell friends, family, ANYONE about your bad experience. That’s bad PR, because personal opinion is a really good way of getting new customers. I’m surprised advertising companies haven’t infiltrated this virtually untapped goldmine. Oh but maybe they have… I know quite a few people who always seem to be cashed up, but always have new things which they’re raving about. You know who you are!!!

Bigpond, just a little note for you – YOU SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

I am posting people that I have celebrity crushes on. I’m allowed.

I recommend We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank, latest album by Modest Mouse. I was slow in getting into it, but that’s almost always the way with Modest Mouse music. Maybe with me and all music. Pfffft. Whatever. Anyway, I find the lyrics amusing and interesting – “These fit like clothes made out of wasps” is especially fun and graphic.

I had a dream about work night before last. Then last night, I had a dream about people from work, but not in a work situation. I dreamt that there was a bomb out in the ocean. It looked sort of like a box, with a computer keyboard attached. In order to stop the bomb, the “2″ key on the numerical keypad of the keyboard had to be pressed, only the devious person who set the bomb also removed the “2″ key.

We were all standing in a big area with lots of covered stalls, like a market, but every table had different types of keyboards on it. I found a “2″ key, and took it from the keyboard, but then realised that because it was an ergonomic keyboard, and the keyboard of the bomb was just a normal old beige one, it wouldn’t fit. Everyone then started searching for a suitable keyboard to steal the key from. I finally found one that was similar, and stole the “2″ key, and some other keys as well (I have no idea why). Someone came up to me and told me to put the keys into a basket so that we could keep them afloat and swim out to the bomb, so I put all keys except the “2″ key in there. I said that it would be safer if I just held it myself.

We then ran down to the dock, and were searching for a place to dive in where there weren’t any rocks. As I was running up and down the dock, I saw a dead body lying on the ground. It had slashes all over it’s body where blood oozed out. I said “I can’t dive in here. I’m going further up.” I found a spot without rocks and jumped into the water, careful not to go too deep in case there were rocks i couldn’t see, or I had misjudged the depth. When I was in the water, I realised that there were lots of people who had been slashed just like the dead body on the dock, and they were all Sudanese refugees, all floating in the water around me. I saw a boat just beside the dock where the refugees were going and a man there would slash patterns onto their chests and abdomens as they tried to get on the boat.

Then I woke up.

I thought I’d write that down to remember it. I have a bad memory, but for some reason if I write something down, I will be more likely to remember it.

This week has been a tough week, especially with Tim being away. Work was busy with end-of-month, plus now learning Payroll and Super. It’s good that it’s a long weekend, because I really need the rest. I need to do a spring clean of my room, and do some laundry, and move the boxes out of the spare room that I put there with all these good intentions of going through them to figure out what I had and what I needed for when I eventually move out. It sounded like a relaxing Sunday afternoon task, something that I wouldn’t need to think a lot about, but then I got distracted by something and so it never got done.

I’m really good at procrastinating. I have all these grand plans of rearranging my room, putting away in boxes downstairs all the things I no longer use, the books I know I won’t read, and untangling all the cords under the computer desk and beside my bed. I hope that this does happen, but already this morning I’ve procrastinated by deciding that right now is the best time for me to write a blog (it’s been hard to get in the mood to write lately. I go with the flow, baby!), and also that I have to make a cool “spring clean” playlist in WMP that i can listen to while I clean. I really do need a playlist, it’s easier to keep going with cleaning if I am listening to awesome music.

I think I’ll also pause during the clean to read old notes kept in my “things to remember!” shoebox, and by looking through the photographs from our trip overseas, maybe finish off putting them in their photo album just because I think, “If i was really cleaning up, then EVERYTHING should be in order and finished”. I mean, it’s not like I don’t have the time. These are things that are good to do to keep me occupied, because looking through photos of our overseas trip makes me feel happy (but also nostalgic). I also need to write up the conglomerate of my diary from the trip. I’ve been meaning to do that for ages, but its such a big job :S.

I also need to update the graphic memes on istoletheinternets, and create a decent design for the site. I’m not a graphic designer, which makes it difficult, but Nathan did make me a banner to put up which I might try to use the design from for the header. Or something.

It’s good having Tim as part of my life, even though I miss him terribly. He’s in Scotland at the moment, and sent me this photo of a view from a hill a few days ago. He’s going to visit Loch Ness. Last week, Japanese scientists explaced… placed explosive detonators at the bottom of Lake Loch Ness to blow Nessie out of the water. Sir Cort Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland’s local wizards to cast a protective spell over the lake and its local residents and all those who seek for the peaceful existence of our underwater ally. Lol. But seriously, Tim is such a generous, thoughtful, funny (either deliberately or accidentally) person. I hope he’s having an awesome time, but I can’t wait until he gets back.

Nathan is one of the smartest people I know. For real, and I work with a lot of doctors (though not the medical kind).

Plus, I find these Cyanide and Happiness comics amusing. Check them out.

This cat is so cute. It’s from one of those Japanese TV shows, where they show the faces of different people up in the top right-hand corner for some reason.

I needed to be sure I was capable of that which I imagined, but never actually tested. My worth is not dictated by those around me. Love yourself first. You will definitely have enough left for everyone else in your life. It will be easier to tell who is deserving of your love also. You are entitled to make a decision as to who is worth your while. That is your decision and yours alone. But by the same token, you can’t change someone else’s mind or affect or manipulate their decision either.

Nothing that I do to try and force a situation, to try to force something to what I believe is the logical conclusion, is ever going to get it there.

This is a fundamental realisation, one which is strong enough to crawl upon and start learning how to stand upright again. It’s simple, but it’s not something that anyone else can tell you. There are so many things to learn about life which other people will try to tell you, but it’s not until you actually experience it for yourself, make the mistake, and learn from it, that you will really understand.

I know this might sound really wanky to some people, especially those who don’t know what I’ve been going through these past couple of months.

I know there’s something knitting and healing inside, and the healing of this still occasionally aches, but I know that this is the process. This is what needs to happen. The pain, sadness, ill-feelings… they don’t just up and disappear when I feel like I can cope with the world again. And really, I’ve been back in amongst the living for quite some time now.

I love me. I love myself, who I am and who I am not. I love my friends, the people around me who accept me and appreciate me. I love my family, who shaped and moulded who I am. I like idiosyncrasies – things that challenge me, that create lessons for me to learn in my own life.

Melancholy isn’t always a bad thing. I think it’s just like that “Wish You Were Here” song by Pink Floyd. That’s probably a really good melancholy song. Another good melancholy song is “Leif Erikson” by Interpol. And no, they aren’t paying me for all these mentions. Get a real job, GOSH!

Current song playing on repeat in my head is “Say Hello to the Angels” by Interpol. I can’t find a music video for it. Maybe there isn’t one?

Current song actually playing on WMP is “Change in the House of Flies” by Deftones. I don’t have the entire White Pony album, just this one song. I remember Lauren talking about an album of the Deftones where they just played all acoustic stuff. I’d like to hear it, but I can’t remember what it was. Anyway, the whole entomological theme reminds me of “The Metamorphosis” by Franz Kafka. Reading that book made me feel vaguely uneasy. I could place myself in Gregor’s skin much too easily, so I guess that in that way the writing was effective. But still, (to use an entirely banal expression) it really creeped me out. I very much like the song though.

I’d love to learn German. I never used to think about the career prospects of study (it was always just knowledge for knowledges sake) but now, every time I think of something I’d like to study, the thought comes hand in hand with “and where would that take me? What would I gain from that?” The obvious answer is “Knowledge”, which used to be the most important thing to me. Maybe I’ve started to be more practical… or boring. I don’t know. I was also thinking about the things I want to study, if they’re not going to lead into an external career, then I could just keep studying and researching until I become an expert and then I could be a university lecturer or even just do research for the universities. If I was a washed-up action-hero movie star with a German accent, I might even receive an honorary degree or two. That’d be awesome.

I am so tired. I’m at that point where my eyes are closing by themselves, or they’re telling me they want to close. Last night, Nathan and Lauren came over and they had a bbq, which Chris and I missed most of because we went to the supermarket. Later on, Chris and I got dressed up and went out in the Valley. We got called emos. We drove around for a while, made a video (which is on Chris’ computer so I can’t post it yet), and then went home at about 11:30pm. I didn’t end up going to bed until about 1am though, because as soon as I get on the computer I hang about for ages just doing nothing. Maybe looking at ImageChan (it’s less annoying than sifting through all the crap at 4chan to see some vaguely amusing photoshopped image) or just clicking the StumbleUpon button a million times.

This is not Sparta, this is me dressed up for Friday 13th. Today Chris and I went into the Valley and had yum cha (which was really expoola because we just kept getting plates of crap and not eating them!!1) and then walked around the markets for a bit. I purchased some jewellery and other stuff, as did Christopher. This afternoon we went out to Stafford and saw “300″ at the cinemas there. It was a really cheesy movie. Phillip said that it was really gory, but I didn’t think it was. There was a bit of cartoon blood splatters, and a couple of corpse piles, but nothing that offensive.

Oh btw, it’s my birthday on the 23rd (that’s not this Monday coming, but next Monday). My birthday celebrations, however, will be on Saturday 21st April starting at around 7:00-7:30pm at my house. It’s a BBQ so byo meat, or whatever. Some alcohols and foods will be provided. Others you will have to hunt and gather yourselves. We have several houses surrounding ours, which may or may not be ideal places for scavenging. Not that I am suggesting nor condoning that sort of behaviour. No siree.

I thought I would write a birthday wish list, if anyone who is buying me a present is having trouble figuring out what to get me:

* jewellery
* make-up (only for those that are sure they know what I like!)
* tetris for DS
* tickets to something good
* subscription to Frankie magazine
* noo shoes
* something mybestest branded
* a monthly two-zone translink ticket
* something lovely and surprising and thoughtful

And I could probably name a few more things once I’ve been into the city. I’m going there tomorrow afternoon after work. I’ll keep you posted.

I told a lot of people that I had seen a fox jumping on a trampoline. In case there were any doubting thomases out there (why i oughta! do these look like flesh wounds to you?) here is the proof:

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don’t think I’d call it Trampoland, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp’s gyrations seem to be getting out of control.

Lol. A random quote from Nathan which I wrote down in my phone for some reason: “The worst thing about being a rollerblader is having to tell your mum & dad you’re gay.”

I made Tim watch the music video for my favourite (well, one of my favourites…) Interpol song, “Evil” on youtube, because of the freaky puppet. He then had to one-up me by showing me the video clip for Tool’s “Parabol/Parabola“. I just started watching it again on youtube now, and I stopped because it makes me feel like I’m looking in on a nightmare. It’s like someone is seeing this in their mind, their brain is conjuring up these freakish images, and I’m an unintended audience. It’s almost voyeuristic.

Anyway, there’s one particular part that reminds me of something out of one of my favourite books. The book is “Plague” (otherwise known as “Plague 99″, no longer in print, but you can probably find it on Amazon or Alibris if you’re curious, or just borrow mine if you know me) by Jean Ure. The part of the film clip that reminds me of the book is 3.24 minutes into the video, when the weird men rise up off the floor so that they are perpendicular to the ground, and start vomiting thick black goop onto the table in front of them in the shape of a circle. In “Plague”, the plague causes victims to spew stinking black vomit in the later stages, perhaps a couple of days before they die. The black vomit is probably caused by necrosis of the internal organs. For some reason, I like the fear that this concept instills in me, in the same way that I like being frightened in horror films – I think because it’s not real. I think this is also the reason for my fear of zombies. Logically I know that zombies don’t exist. In the world where my imagination rules (in my head), anything is possible.

Sometimes my feelings get in the way of what I really feel I needed to say. Thanks Modest Mouse. I so totally go off on a tangent sometimes. Lots of times. Always.

So anyway, tomorrow is Friday the 13th. Chris is coming up from faraway so that we may go be random in honour of this most emo of occasions. I do believe black is in order. Gentlemen, ready my steed, tomorrow we ride! (gallop gallop gallop).

Some things I have found in my travels: