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Beta is the bane of my existence! Give me gamma, or maybe epsilon.

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Sep 272006

I am tired!

It’s late; I should be going to sleep.

Tomorrow is payday! Yesssssssssssssssss! Then next week is another payday (because of bonus) Yessssssssssssssss! Then the week after that is another pay week! Yesssssssssssssss! I’m so paying stuff off. Then I’m going to suspend and defer like it’s going out of fashion. Which it is! Because being poor is so last week. Or so today. But not tomorrow.

I’m going to get Napoleon some kitten food, some kitten milk, some toys, a proper kitten bowl… Maybe I might put some photos in to get printed also, because I’ve been meaning to do that. I have so many to get done! But then also I have lunch with Beck tomorrow. That will be good – my first bought lunch in a long time. Beck and I always get Nandos, and that’s the only time that I eat Nando’s for lunch during the week. The only other time I eat it is with Christian. We had Nandos for dinner tonight and it was YUM!

John & Pai’s bbq was on tonight, at Southbank. Lauren made strawberries and drowned them in cream, and they tasted really good, but I feel a bit queasy now. Nathan also has issues with lactose. We were talking about when you cook with lactose free milk or cream, and eat food that tastes the same as before but afterwards you don’t feel sick, you just feel normal, and how that must be how it is for other people who don’t have lactose issues. I’ll just have soymilk usually, but I don’t drink it that much at all.

Nathan’s (work Nathan) farewell drinks are on this Friday night at the Normanby. I chastised him today for choosing such an inconvenient location. Really! That’s like… Kelvin Grove almost! Red Hill practically! How do you even get there? I guess the 379 bus goes right past it, along that road (Kelvin Grove Road?), but I never catch the 379 because I don’t know where it leaves from. Somewhere near the law courts, or the magistrates’ courts or something. That reminds me: If ever you are signing something that requires a JP or C.Dec to witness it, don’t even bother going to the Post Office. Sure they have JPs there, but they are the type of JPs who won’t say they are a JP and won’t sign stuff. What’s the point? So just go straight to the magistrates court. That’s where all the best JPs are, and you’ll always definitely find one to sign whatever you need signing.

Anyways, I think I’ll go to bed now. Maybe another blog tomorrow, I don’t know because it’s another day and I can’t look into the future!

Yo momma’s so tall, Bin Laden tried to fly planes into her

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Sep 072006

If the road to hell is paved with good intentions, it must be a pretty nice and well-maintained road. It’s nice thinking about all the good things you could do, at least at the time of thinking them. Not afterwards, when the time has already passed in which you could have done these good things, then it’s kind of nicer to think about all the nice things you could do next (but probably won’t). One of my good intentions was to write a blog, so I’m not one of those people who gets called a geek for no reason. If I’m going to be called a geek, I might as well make it worth everyone’s while. YAY BLOG.

So now that I’m back here, writing again, what do I say? Do I say… I once again have no money? Do I say… although I mostly don’t like having no money, there is also a part of me that enjoys the creativity that it takes to exist on such a paltry sum for two weeks? I could say that. I’m also enjoying listening to Interpol again. I’m trying to make a mix cd for Christian, which is daunting and fun at the same time. I’m irked by Itunes sneaky deletion of some of my music files, and the duplication of others. Why must you mess up my folder contents, Itunes? Is it because Macs don’t like folders? What do you have against them? They make things so nice and orderly!

A few things that have been reminding me of overseas lately: an email from one of our tour people saying she’s coming out to Australia at the end of the year; drinking chai made from soy milk powder infused with tea from the tea shoppe in the Adelaide st arcade; the photographs on my wall (even though they’ve been up for some time. I think it might have been because I’ve moved rooms and they’re in a different place, so it’s like a brand new reminder); listening to bands such as Bloc Party, the Strokes, Kaiser Chiefs, white stripes… This is mainly because I only had my BenQ MP3 player with me, which only holds 128MB of music. It would have been so awesome to have my iRiver when we were overseas… but still, it’s nice to have these songs that remind me of overseas, rather than my entire music collection.

I’m really tired. I can’t believe tomorrow is Friday. It seems to have come around quite quickly. Next Wednesday is payday, but hopefully I have some money in my account tomorrow from ebay sales so I can at least buy some of the ingredients for tomato surprise (and maybe just *obtain* the others, through kitchen cupboard raids. The only thing I can’t really raid for is the lamb. No one just buys a kilo of diced lamb and leaves it in the freezer for people to mistakenly (but not really mistakenly) use. It just doesn’t happen. That’s the sort of thing you buy just because you need it for something you’re planning to cook.

Gosh. I’m falling asleep. BORING.

Oh and btw, this is Napoleon’s myspace here. You should all add him as a friend. He needs friends because he’s new and he doesn’t know anyone here yet (he was only born like a month ago. that’s not a very long time to make lots of friends.)

PHOTOS!

Nic & Finn…. Calum & Finn… I never knew Calum was so maternal!

Emo Harry… Nice fringe! I can see all the emos now following a trend with some classy black capes and plastic hair. And drawn-on glasses. HOT!

Nighttime view from Mt Gravatt
Night scene at Mt. Gravatt. “You mean there actually is a mountain there?” I hear you cry. Well, dry your eyes, because YES there is a mountain, and YES it has a wonderful view, and YES it was frickin cold up there on Wednesday night. Christian put my tiny little digicam on a big tripod to take some photos. It looked funny. But the photos turned out nice!

Calum & I at work
Calum and I being normal at work. I don’t remember why we were taking a photo… probably to document how thrilled we are just to be there every single weekday.

Tomorrow night Noelle and I, and Noelle’s friend Melinda and her sister are going to see John Tucker must die at Southbank. I haven’t been to the movies with Noe in a while, because the last few times I’ve been too sick or too poor and had to cancel . But tomorrow night should be fine. Mum has given me some antibiotics, leftover from Rosie, because Rosie had already started a course of antibiotics from a script that had been left at the chemist from the last time she’d been sick. Then she went to the doctors again and got another script for some different antibiotics, which mum got filled, and so now we have too many. So I’m taking the extras. I hope this kills whatever bug I have for good. And I want to go out tomorrow night, in the Valley, and go crazy, and meet up with everyone who I have been too sick or busy to meet up with lately.

My throat hurts! I’m going!

Yo momma’s so ugly she looks like a hooker from Grand Theft Auto!

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Aug 152006

Nathan’s friends Brian & David are over for drinx tonite. I have had one and a half, and already I feel a bit woozy. I think it’s because I’m still sick. Later on we’re going to watch V for Vendetta. I think I liked that movie. It was so long ago that I saw it, so I’m not sure. I’ll find out tonight when we watch it again. At least it’s not frickin Phantom of the Opera. I think the whole reason that play works is because everyone is in awe of the mechanics of it when it’s done on stage, but in a movie there’s nothing amazing about the SFX and so your attention is directed to the storyline, songs, and acting. All of which are far too overly dramatic and exaggerated for film. It’s much more suited to live stage action.

I just asked Calum if he thinks we could have another depression. Now I’m thinking of that book, “Somewhere around the corner”. I really liked that book, it was interesting. It was about this girl who went back in time somehow, back to the depression in 1929, and they lived in a place called happy valley. They were poor and there were lots of kids, but they were happy, and things were much more simple then.

Now we have everything we want and more, and I want to go watch Azumi 2 because I just got it out from the video store and it’s $1.95 Tuesday! A dollar ninety-five for any video! Bargain! I liked the first Azumi. It was like a live-action anime. So I’m going to watch the second one just for follow-ups.

I want to download the soundtrack to Zelda, because sometimes when I’m at work I get tunes in my head and I just want to listen to them, and I would so much rather be at home playing Zelda or Norrath or Katamari than be at work.

I want to see Battle Royale. I have heard about it but have never got around to seeing it. It’s ekka day tomorrow. I’m working. Goodie. There are 11 people in our team (out of 18) working ekka day. I guess the allure of double time & a half was more attractive than spending more than we earn in a fortnight at the ekka. I don’t think I’ll go at all this year. I’m far too broke. I’d rather spend my money on going out on Thursday night. Maybe Friday, who knows. I don’t know. Or Saturday… Last

Saturday night was fun.

Non omnia moriar – Not all of me will die

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Aug 102006

I don’t know why these latin phrases show up on my google homepage, but they’re interesting so I’m glad for them. Today was okay. I worked late, and couldn’t remember why, and I said to Kathryn, “Do you remember why I said I was going to work late?” Kathryn said she didn’t know, but perhaps it was because I was supposed to have an appointment yesterday and so I was going to come in late. But I didn’t because the bus came too late for me to make my appointment so I just went straight to work, and ended up getting there on time. Then I didn’t have lunch because I was meant to leave at about 1:30pm to make my 2:00pm appointment, but I didn’t end up going so I didn’t have lunch. I left at 3:55pm though, so I guess I got my lunch hour by leaving early. But I said to Kathryn tonight, “I don’t care if I was working back to make up for yesterday. I’m getting too much work done right now to stop, so I’ll just stay anyway.”

I caught a cab home tonight after gym because I was just so tired, and I was a little bit shaky because I feel very weak right now. Plus the bus wasn’t coming for another 40 minutes, and I didn’t have enough cash for a bus ticket anyway, and those girls in the pink cowboy hats were walking around like they’d never heard of wearing pants… And then tonight I had a stupid argument with Calum because I can’t communicate my thoughts and feelings sufficiently or without making someone else feel like I’m belittling them. I feel kind of crap. I don’t want to undermine the value of anyone else’s opinion. I can’t even say what I really mean now, and I’m not actually talking to anyone. What is wrong with me?

We have awards night this Saturday. I’m not really looking forward to it. I don’t know how to do my hair, what shoes to wear, and I’m not going to feel comfortable in the clothes that I have. I won’t feel comfortable conforming to someone else’s ideal, living in someone else’s world where the rules are very strict on what should and shouldn’t be said, done, worn… I want to crawl under a rock and not come out until after it’s all over. Or I want to wear something really outrageous and say, “I don’t care about your expectations.” I don’t want to care about expectations and living up to what people want. It seems like my entire life is spent trying to be the person that I think people want me to be, and then I end up not knowing who I actually am when there isn’t anyone else around for me to please. How can I make you happy? That’s the main thing I’m thinking whenever I am around other people. Or, How can I make you see that I’m worthwhile? So I end up acting out, acting up, anything to be seen or heard, just not ignored or dismissed as unimportant. I feel like I’m lying because I actually do think I am unimportant, so when people do pay attention to me, I feel like it’s a sham, they don’t know who I am, I can’t tell them how I really feel or what I’m really thinking because I’ll be rejected.

I love my friends. Who are they?

You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel

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Jul 312006

Mum made this gross satay sauce for dinner. It was to go on top of these meat-on-skewer thingys, and they tasted gross too. One of them tasted like car exhaust, and the other one tasted like bacon, but not in a good way. The satay sauce was the saltiest thing I have ever tasted. I think it’s because she put soy sauce in. We were all lamenting over the horrible taste, but all kept eating because we were starving. I tried to save the satay by adding brown sugar, but then it just tasted sort of sweet + salty at the same time. Lauren added crushed peanuts, but that made no difference. Mum was in her room on the phone while we were all out in the lounge room eating dinner (so therefore she didn’t hear any of the things we were saying about the meal). She wasn’t eating any of the meal she’d cooked – it was reserved for us – the unlucky few. Mum had a plate of cheese on toast… or a sort of cheese inside two pieces of toast, like a sandwich, and Rosie dared me to take the cheese off and throw it out, so that when mum came out and took a bite, there would be nothing in the middle and it would just be cold toast with salt & pepper on it. Lauren was laughing, but then when mum came out she told her what I had done. Mum’s in a bad mood. It was funny though… That sauce was funny.

I’ve got my final (at least I think it’s the final one) orthopedic appointment tomorrow at 11:30am. I’m wondering what they’re going to say… I’ll have to ask if they’re going to take the pins & screws out eventually. I hope so. It’s also Kirra’s birthday tomorrow. I’m not saying any more about it in case she goes online tonight and reads it (though I don’t think she will, but you never know. Murphy’s law is probably the safest for me to live my life by.)

I sent off my application for salary sacrifice this afternoon. I’m supposed to be working right now, and I just realised that for me to do two hours of overtime I’ll have to work until 10:30pm tonight.

Sucks. I guess I should go make some coffee or something…

Worst Day Ever (said in comic book store guy voice)

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Jul 252006

So it was a bad day today. Bad bad day. I woke up late, felt sick this morning, so couldn’t start getting ready until around 7:30am, so didn’t end up catching the bus until 8:30am, didn’t get to work until 9:20am. Shit. This was a continuation of some of the bad feelings from yesterday. I had a bad day and I know I’m being immature and juvenile about it, but maybe I am not capable of reacting in a mature and responsible manner right now. Maybe it’s just not in me to do that. I hate it when a notion comes upon me and makes me feel a certain way, maybe about someone, and I just can’t shake it. And I would give ANYTHING in the world not to feel this way, anything. I would give anything in the world to just forget about it, or to have something waiting on the sidelines for a moment like this so I can grab it and say “See? I don’t actually care! here’s proof!” and even if it wasn’t true, it would be enough for relative normalcy to be reestablished and we could all just fall back into our usual roles, and I wouldn’t have to go over and over and over things in my mind, and feel like an idiot whenever I opened my mouth. I hate this feeling.

Emos have no concept of responsibility. As soon as something is difficult, an emo is nowhere to be found. As we were walking up the hill today, Rosie said “I don’t want to walk up this fucking hill.” But not in a resigned way that’s like, I hate walking up this hill but i know i have to do it to get home but more in a way that was like i hate walking up this hill and i am just waiting for something to come along so that i don’t have to. And she won’t brush her hair so she can get a job. I know that when I heard that song “Get a haircut and get a real job” I thought that it was just mocking conformists, but in all seriousness you really do need to just at least conform to their ideals for while you’re working, and then in your own time you can do what you want. Once you get a job, then test the limits a little bit and see how far you can go, but when you’re initially looking, an effort has to be made. Especially in customer service/sales assistant jobs, which is what all the emo kids would be looking for, if they’re looking for jobs at all and not just living off their parents. My god they’re going to DIE when they leave home and have to fend for themselves. They either curl into a ball and die, or they shed their emo ideals and start living in the real world. I understand this need to be yourself, to represent yourself and to live as you are and not to make apology for it, really I do. And I know that in a perfect world, you would be able to do that. But this is NOT a perfect world. It’s a shitty world. Emos should understand that most out of everyone, because they’re so SENSITIVE and FEELING.

Emoticons:

I will stop now before I cause more problems for myself than I already have. I”m sorry but I needed a rant.

In other news, Calumski & I went to see Nic and her brand new baby today after work. His name is Finn, and he was born last night by C-section, 9lbs. He was so beautiful! I’ve missed Nic, she lends a sort of calmness to the atmosphere at work. I held Finn and he was quiet and beautiful. I forgot to get photos. I am so vague right now. On the way up to the Mother’s hospital, Calum threw his cigarette butt into the bin and said “I don’t think that was fully out”. I said “Imagine if it lit the bin on fire, and they thought it was a bomb, and so they evacuated everyone, patients and everything, from the hospital.”

And when we got to the mother’s hopsital, we had just stepped inside and the fire alarm went off! Calum and I stood outside and laughed, and perved at the non-attractive firemen, and ate the free clinkers that the vending machine gave us. (It also gave me 60c extra change! yay.)

I am supposed to have an appointment with the Occupational Therapist, and I can’t remember when, and I think it’s tomorrow, but I can’t remember what time. Oh and also, after the *accident* with my arm, I went and got some x-rays done at (lol) “Savage X-ray”. I laugh because that name amuses me. I got to keep the x-rays this time, so I took pictures of them. They aren’t all that clear, because I had to turn the flash off and alwyas when I do that the camera switches to the “available light” mode and so therefore it has two shutter openings, and if you don’t keep the camera in the exact same spot for both then it goes blurry. Plus my one good arm is getting so tired of doing all the work that it’s sometimes shaky. Thank god it’s not too much longer til I get to leave my splint off. Though then I’ll have to be extra careful anyway… Ok. So here are the photos:

Robert has taken to calling me “Paperclip chick”, I think because one of the pieces of metal they put in there is shaped sort of like a paperclip. I don’t like the look of those pins that are sticking into the soft tissue between the radius and the ulna. I’m hoping that they do eventually take all that stuff out, once the bones have fully knit and healed. I hope I remember when my appointment is. I’ll have to call tomorrow morning.

I’ve been playing Norrath again now that i have some use of my hand back. I can only play for a short time and then my hand/wrist will get tired, and then i have to rest it for a while. I imported my character from my finished game, and started again from the beginning. My aim is to keep playing until I make an awesomely leveled character and then import her to Return to Arms. I like Dark Elf Shadowknight best of all, but I’m kind of regretting the fact that I didn’t name her something cool to start off with. Her name is “nit”. I dont’even remember doing that, but it might have been when I was just experimenting with the cheats to give the character a head-start with all attributes, not thinking I would continue playing with that character. I’m such a nerd. Anyway, this is my character, “nit”.

It’s a shit picture because I’m too dumb to figure out if I can hook my playstation up to my laptop, and if so, how to then take screenshots. So this is a photo taken with my digi on the tv. crapola.

I submitted my tax return forms last night, via e-tax. I really, really, really, really hope that they give me a fast refund. I’m destitute right now. I had to go into the bank today to withdraw the last $8.00 from my account. Calum was embarrassed of my povo-ness, and so he waiting outside. We only got paid last Wednesday, and don’t get paid again until next Wednesday boo hoo. I’m going to submit my holidays tomorrow, so that I can at least get leave loading and have a little bit extra money. We’re supposed to be going out this Friday night, for U-Rock celebration and Kirra’s birthday, and so I don’t know how that’s going to work. I definitely won’t be able to buy any new clothes for the occasion, nor for Legends night for that matter. Maybe it would be better if I didn’t go. To Legends, I mean, not Friday night. I wouldn’t miss that. Though the way this morning went, I just wanted to forget everything about it. Just crawl under a rock and not come out until next week. After Wednesday. And then go buy myself a sympathy present. Like an alice band. Those are awesome and I desperately want one, but I don’t have the money to buy one. They are $10.00 at Mombassa (highway robbery! but the nicest I have seen so far), $6.00 at Diva (but they don’t have the red dotty one that I like), and $5.00 at JayJays. I also want Smoosh’s album, but don’t have the moeny for that either.

These are some things that I will buy once I get my tax return (if I get back a decent amount):
* Rosie’s b’day cons
* $300 paid off my credit card
* $50 paid off Lauren
* $50 paid off Dinna’s vet bill
And that would be the majority of the money gone. Then i would maybe be able to get myself an alice band and the smoosh cd.

Here is a picture for Calum (continuing on from our imitations of pouncing cats, cats looking through windows at birds, and cats walking upstairs or jumping off a bed (prrrrrrp!))

Whew! So much stuff to say! Every time I went to write a blog, myspace was stuffed and I couldn’t! Frickin myspace. But I have now. So it’s all cool.

xxxooo

P.S. How good is bam? One more picture – for the bam.

If it feels like it works, and it looks like it works, then it works.

Family, Links, Money, Movies, Writing 2 Responses »

May 162006

I had an I Heart Huckabees-esque experience a couple of weeks ago. I think it was a couple of weeks ago. Maybe it’s still going. If it happens again, then it’s still going. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

Anyway, what happened was that I was walking home from the bus stop after work one afternoon, and I saw an Uno card lying on the ground next to the path. I picked it up, and it was a red draw-two card that looked as though someone had crumpled it up and laid it flat again, because it had all these crease-marks in it. Fairly inconsequential right? Anyway, it was either the next day or a few days later that I found another Uno card – this time on my desk or under my desk at work (I’ve got a really bad memory). This Uno card was again crumpled-looking, but it was a green ‘8′ card. What does this mean? I’m probably searching for a meaning where there is none, but you know, it is pretty strange. Could it be that someone who works with me and takes he same route home as me is crumpling up and dropping Uno cards at random, and I just happened to find two of them? It could be like a couple of years ago when I used to stick green toy soldiers onto things while I was out and about, like onto bus stop benches and walkways and shelves in the supermarket, and then one day I went to the cinema and they had found one when they’d cleaned out a movie theatre and stuck it onto the computer at the register, and I was so excited! It was like in that Mandy Moore movie “Chasing Liberty” (which was a cheaper but far superior version of the Katie Holmes one…ugh) where that crazy english dude gives mandy moore and the secret service guy stickers of the Six Million Dollar Man, to stick wherever they wanted, and one day they’d see one of those stickers and just know that they weren’t alone in the world, that everyone is connected somehow…

I’m bored and broke and I won’t have any more money until next week. I’ll have quite a bit of money next week, but that doesn’t help me now. I want to get a loan to consolidate my debts. So I think I might try that. If I can’t get individual approval I might see if mum will go guarantor for me. But I don’t think that there will be a problem. I want to be in a good financial position when I go to China. I’d like to keep working where I am because it’s a stable job and those are pretty scarce these days. It may be boring but there’s room to move and I really like the team I’m in at the moment, and our boss… everything is good.

I’ve got a cold so I’m feeling slightly down. Only because of that though, everything else is good. I’m not used to being sick. I was talking about it with Laura and Noelle and I think Abbey was there too, and Laura was saying that I seem to have been sick for every family gathering, and Noelle said that maybe it’s something psychological, like stress-induced illness, and I said that I didn’t feel stressed and

I was having fun. But I was thinking back over the years and I have been sick for every family gathering… every recent one anyway… it started when we went to Leeton a few years back, and I got so sick on the way that I couldn’t stand up or even move, and I was curled into a little ball in the back seat of the car, and mum had to take me to hospital in some strange town and I didn’t know where we were and I just lay on the floor of the emergency room in the foetal position, and I never actually got to see a doctor but we couldn’t stay there any longer. So Uncle Trevor gave me some of his painkillers (I can’t remember what they were… something strong) and we kept driving. When we got to Leeton I immediately felt better. I never did find out what was wrong with me. I thought it could have been appendicitis, and that I was feeling better because my appendix had burst or something and I was terrified that I was going to die. But I didn’t. Obviously. And it never happened again.

The next time was when we went to Sydney for Uncle Vic’s 50th birthday, but I don’t think that was psychological because I do have a broken back and that was the problem – I had a really sore back most of the time. So then the most recent one was this weekend, when I was sick with a fever and a cough and exhaustion and aching joints. I don’t know what it was, but I feel better now and all I have is a blocked nose. Which should go away soon. And it’s not like I’m all that worried about it.

So… I don’t know. Noelle said so far it’s been a trifecta, and we’ll have to see what happens at the next one to know for sure whether or not it’s psychosomatic. I hope not. That would be stupid.

Some things that I am fascinated by and can’t remember how I came across them :

Memes still confuse me… But I think I have the basic concept. And I find it really interesting, and:

Snowclones because I love neologies. And this one is cool, and I like having a word for it.

Sweetheart, your feelings are more important of course

Angst, Cynicism, Emo, Food, Friends, Health, Money, Music, Politics, Shopping, Travel, TV, United Kingdom, Work 1 Response »

Mar 102006

I’m so tired, and feeling sick.

I drank too much tea today, and I feel like I start moving through strobe lights, staggered movements but really fast. Like stop-start-stop-start… except on fast forward. I’m so tired because I’ve been doing overtime for two whole weeks now, which is exhausting when I don’t get to bed until 11pm and wake up at 5am. I had to come home early yesterday and go to bed early, so I only did an hour extra. Almost not worth it. I’ve still got a cabcharge voucher because I forgot it the first night, caught the train, and it took me 40 minutes to walk home in the dark. It’s a nice walk though, so I don’t mind. Even in the dark it’s nice.

I got so tired day before yesterday at work that I made stupid mistakes and strongly berated myself for them. I burst into tears at one point because I was frustrated with how stupid I was. This was a combination of tiredness and thinking other stupid things (not work stupid things, but home stupid) that I had done which have been like constant storm clouds above my head, and I’m just waiting for the deluge. Kirra said I’m way too harsh on myself, that I should give myself a break, but I don’t think I deserve one. If I do something stupid, I have to acknowledge it because otherwise I can’t learn from it, and remember not to do that again. But I never learn. So what’s the point?

I get so frustrated with myself, because I can see where I go wrong, I can see it. I made a stupid, stupid, obvious mistake. It wasn’t a big mistake, just a little one that didn’t matter, but that makes it worse I think. How could I do that? How could I not see? Ugh. I’m such an idiot. I hate TV. It’s so loud and dominates whatever room it’s in. That’s fine if all you want to do is watch TV, but what if all you want to do is read? or write? or talk to someone? TV is selfish. I’m selfish so I guess I can’t really talk. Judge not lest ye be judged. Why have I been so judgmental?

Finally they had blue dye in stock, but now they have no black. If I had a store which sold things like that I’d make sure they were constantly there, and if they weren’t there, I’d put a little sign up which said, “sorry! This product is out of stock. We should have some more available ______” and i’d also let people put products on hold so they could get one as soon as they came in. It’s a guaranteed sale, people! I think it would be better if they put a sign up saying when they expected more to come in, because then I wouldn’t have to go searching all over the city or check back in every day and I could just come back to that shop the date it was supposed to come back in. I suppose that’s not a guarantee that it would be there, but it’s better than having no idea at all.

We saw the cutest boy in the city today. He had a long black coat on, not a trenchie (yuck), but sgt pepper style almost, and a jaunty little hat. He looked awesome. Some interesting news from my lunchtime boredom: Kim Jong-Il of North Korea has allowed the release of a love song – shock horror! And England has banned our “where the bloody hell are you?” tourism campaign ads – big surprise. Someone had to. Penny said they were just being precious, but that’s their prerogative. If our tourism industry wants to make ridiculous adverts, then they have every right to refuse them.

One of the spokespeople for the ads said something along the lines of “you can’t buy this publicity!” Like it was a really good thing. Everybody’s going to think we’re gutter-mouthed bimbos. The boys don’t get too bad a rap, but it’s as though women’s suffrage never happened. Everyone’s so misogynistic. I feel sad.

I want to see an ad broadcast internationally that features the following all-Australian themes: Emos sulking in black skinny-legs and red paintings or MCR shirts; the Cronulla racial riots (to add some excitement); Macquarie Fields (just cause); Street Hawkers closing in for the kill; 15 year-old mothers-to-be getting high on the Baby Bonus… I can’t think straight right now. I’m sure there are a million other Aussie clichés that could be used and would create a far more accurate portrayal of modern Australian life.

Anyway, today I felt much better after getting a decent nights sleep. And I was ready in time to catch the early bus, and for some reason my access card worked straight away when usually I have to wait until 6:30am… I’ll have to catch the train tomorrow because our bus doesn’t run that early on Saturdays. I can’t wait until this overtime is OVER. I can’t afford not to take it while it’s on offer, but it’s just so exhausting. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if I went to bed at a reasonable hour, but I just can’t seem to. I go to bed and just lay there, awake, waiting to sleep, even though I’m so tired I can’t keep my eyes open. I never used to have trouble sleeping. I’ve got too many things running through my mind.

Kirra said that I bite so easily when people are stirring me up. I’m easily stirred up. It’s not that I take things seriously, because I know that people are just joking. It’s not like I go and sulk in a corner when people joke with me, though apparently I did sound really serious when I said “shut up!” to Nathan K, but that was only because he stood there for ages making chicken noises at me. He said “I thought you were braver than that.” And I said, “No, I’m really not.” though it’s not really fair because I didn’t have a choice It wasn’t like I could take the vote and use that as justification for sending the email.

Agh I’m falling asleep. That’s a sign to me that what I’m writing is boring. BORING! I have that sound in my head, of someone saying BORING but I’m not sure where it comes from. I think it’s just me.

I paid my deposit on my trip today. How exciting! That’s what I think of whenever I feel down. GREY SKIES ARE GONNA CLEAR UP, PUT ON A HAPPY FACE! Why do people say to me “SMILE!” when I am feeling sad? Why should I smile? That’s like lying. It’s a lie.

I like that “All these things that I’ve done” song by the Killers. I don’t know why. I like the words, though when you put them together they don’t seem to mean all that much.

I want to turn back time and have gone to sleep hours ago, not still be sitting here awake not being able to go to bed because I still want to keep listening to Modest Mouse which I haven’t listened to in ages, but how to start work early tomorrow? And how to cope with everything? And how to continue?

Sleeeeeeep sounds good right now.

I’m going to say what I meant to say before (my voice was never loud enough to make it count)

Books, Family, Food, Friends, Going out, Money, Travel, United Kingdom, Weather, Work No Responses »

Mar 062006

Sun was shining again today. It was pleasantly cool in the morning, but by the afternoon it was humid again. The forecast said it will rain tomorrow, Wednesday, Thursday… they apparently can’t predict as far as Friday, but never mind because they’ll get it wrong anyway. I live my life for rainy days.

I cooked dinner tonight (a rare occurrence!). We’re supposed to take it in turns cooking meals throughout the week, but lately it’s just been each person for themselves. Or else two people will make something for two people, and whoever else is there misses out. But tonight I made a proper meal. I went out to the grocery store at lunch time, and I chose ingredients, and even though I worked overtime, and Noelle and I got home later than expected due to missing the bus due to us holding cups of tea and the bus driver closing the door and driving off, I still managed to get everything together in reasonable time. Good. And it was nice!

I dyed my hair on Saturday, and I wasn’t sure what the reaction would be at work since the parts that aren’t black are really bright. First of all, Spike said, “Oh you dyed your hair red”. I said it wasn’t red. Kirra said, “You dyed your hair mulberry.” Boss said “You dyed your hair purple.” It’s not any of those. The colour was actually raspberry, though obviously lots of people see colours differently. Like Lauren will often say something is blue when it’s so obviously green. When we were at a Chinese Restaurant in London, there was a Chinese embroidered shirt hanging on the wall and it was like the colour of grass but darker, and I said it was pretty, and Lauren said, “oh that blue one over there?” So I didn’t know which one she was talking about, and I thought she was looking at something different to what I was. Anyway, that was dumb because it was green. So green.

Work tomorrow. I am going to go to bed at a reasonable hour tonight (I always say that!). What is a reasonable hour though? Who decides that? I don’t know why, but that reminds me, of when we were on our tour and people kept saying to me “Don’t play with your food.” and I would say, “why? Why not play with my food? You tell me why and I won’t.” But no one ever knew why. Why? And, “Didn’t your mum ever tell you not to play with your food?” yes, but why? I think I made a smiley face on my plate in Paris. It’s just that when there’s potato on there, and other things I can’t eat, there’s nothing to do while everyone else is eating theirs. And they’re just going to throw it out anyway. People just make up rules and then follow them for the sake of it.

So. I’m going to read some more of my book and then go to sleep. Sleeeeep. It’s so nice now that I have real pillows! Oooh I just remembered that we get a holiday in May! And all the family is going to be there! In Townsville! And lucky it’s May, because then it won’t be too hot. And we’ll get to see all the cousins and the aunts and uncles and everyone! And I get time off work! So good. And then I’m not allowed to take any more holidays until the end of the year. Please remind me blog. Don’t let me be tempted by all the possible long weekends stretched out before me on the calendar. I can make it through!

I’ve still got two special needs leave days anyway. Oh and I have to organise that day that I went home halfway through! I forgot all about that. Team Leader hasn’t said anything to me about it, but maybe she will in our next one-on-one. I just have to organise it. Every time they know I’m talking to dad, or about him, they say to me, “Don’t stress, don’t worry about it, it’s not your responsibility.” Even if I don’t look or sound or act stressed at all. It’s not my responsibility!

I’m so irresponsible.

And I am working again this weekend. I wonder if anyone’s going out Friday night. That could be fun. I hope they are. But I’m not sure if there’s an occasion for it… Penny’s engagement party is coming up soon too, but that’s after my birthday. The weekend after my birthday. So my birthday is coming up soon that means. Mum’s is first though. What am I gonna get her? Nooooo idea!!! At least I won’t be completely broke. The overtime should go some way further to paying off my credit card (I’m halfway there! Yippee!) And then I’ll get overtime pay again the next week. That will be good. But then there’s no more on offer after this week, so that will be the end of it. Then it will be my birthday. What to do? I could make everyone go to the zoo again, I could make that my birthday thing, that was fun. And something everyone can enjoy, apart from people who don’t like animals, but they can go have a cry about it. Hahahaa or I could make everyone go to the Art Gallery, and Roshard would either cry, or never speak to me again, or both.

I looked on a job site on the weekend, and found a job the same as mine in London, and it was 20-30GBP/Hr. That’s so awesome! That’s more than what I earn in dollars! Crazy. You could work over there, earn a heap of money and live in some crappy little apartment or bedsit and just go on holidays all over the world! That would be so amazing. I wonder how different the work would be in England. Kirra thinks not so much, as our titles would be based on theirs because we were colonised by them, and they would have created the land titling system. I’d agree with this, seeing as we have counties and parishes, which seem like an odd thing to have since use council divisions, not counties. They’re just superfluous, leftovers from olden days. But I like that. And I like when you find a really old title, like 1800s, the paper is so delicate and the entire thing is written in caligraphic handwriting, and they have information on there like the owners occupation (womens occupation is usually married woman, spinster, or widow) and they describe things as romantically as legalese would allow, which is much more than it would be nowadays. At the titles office they have the very first title of QLD (now cancelled of course) that was something like Volume 1, Folio 1, back in the days when they used Volumes and Folios in Queensland. It’s framed and hanging on the wall. I don’t know why I’m writing about this in such a fascinated way. It’s just work.

I’m going to bed.

Did you hear? The world’s gone to hell in a handbasket

Angst, Food, Money, Work No Responses »

Feb 212006

The grapes taste foul. Sour grapes. haha… End of season grapes are so difficult to choose. Usually you should try not to get the ones that are too yellowy, and are still firm. I thought they were pretty good, but evidently not. Graeme always chose good grapes, and he always shared.

Work today = not too bad. So long as I can get through the day without feeling like I want to jump out the window, that’s a good day. By the way, me saying “jump out the window”, means that I just want to open the window and hop out, and then go somewhere else. Not that I want to defenestrate myself with the end result of a one way ticket to hell. Because we’re not that high up in the building anyway, and I probably wouldn’t do much more damage than I did when I tripped down the stairs today.

I think that my blog sounds slightly flat and depressed. I didn’t feel that way today, I was hyper and laughing most of the day and still managed to get a decent amount of work done. I must have been feeling better because I stayed back and did some overtime, to earn more money to pay off my credit card so that I can do what I want sooner.

What I want = to study.

So, although I may sound like I’m carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, I don’t feel THAT bad. It’s just that this is my place to vent and think out loud (well,not out loud exactly, but you get what I mean). And if that’s the only time you hear me, you could be forgiven for thinking I’m always this melancholy. (I don’t know who I’m talking to…)

I had three cups of tea today, and it was the tea that was blamed for me going hyper this afternoon and laughing at things like:

a) the fact that I have a picture of a polar bear on my wall at work that I cut out from a packet of tissues. I don’t remember doing it, but i recognise the picture. And I don’t know why i did. I mean, I like polar bears, but it wouldn’t have driven me to such desperate measures. It’s not like I can’t live without a picture of a polar bear on my wall. It’s not like there’s not enough crap up there already.

b) my desk calendar had been taken apart and put back together upside down, which someone took the time to do, which would have gone unnoticed for quite some time (possibly), and which no one owned up to. So what was the point?

c) the gold stuff that Kirra put on my desk migrated to the internal lift well in front of the door to the internal stair well, and then into the stairwell, and then down the stairs. I’m waiting to see if it makes it out the door of the stairs into the corridor, then out into the big wide world.

d) the email in which I called everyone heathens, then amended to ‘praetorian mercenaries’. You know who you are!

e) the email sent from my desktop, and Kirra’s indignation that I would accuse her of such a crime! For shame!

I’m going to try to get to sleep at a reasonable hour. and I will not drink any more tea tonight. Even though I bought a whole new bag of loose tea today. Yeah, I’m really doing it tough. Home-packed lunches every day. I don’t even want to venture into the city tomorrow, there’s no point. Today I had to because I needed a bus ticket, tea, bread, yoghurt and tuna for lunches. But tomorrow I don’t think there’s any reason i should. And it’s so hot, and then I get back to work hot, and then after about half an hour I’m freezing cold, and I don’t think those sorts of extremes are good.

It’s strange that though I hate the taste of fish, I really love the texture. I can eat tuna from a can, so long as it’s not the home-brand stuff (yes, it does taste different. It’s the fish that john west rejects that makes john west the best duh!), and baked or grilled marinated fish fillets (which is still sometimes too fishy). Smoked salmon has an amazing texture, but I cannot stand the taste.

Anyway, I guess that’s enough for one night. My ankle is killing meeeeee ouchies. Stairwells are treacherous places.

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