1st Nov 08 – Brisbane -> Singapore
2nd Nov 08 – Singapore -> Barcelona
3rd Nov 08 – Barcelona
4th Nov 08 – Barcelona
5th Nov 08 – Barcelona
6th Nov 08 – Barcelona
7th Nov 08 – Barcelona -> London
8th Nov 08 – London
9th Nov 08 – London
10th Nov 08 – London
11th Nov 08 – London
12th Nov 08 – London -> Amsterdam
13th Nov 08 – Amsterdam
14th Nov 08 – Amsterdam
15th Nov 08 – Amsterdam (also Noelle’s birthday!)
16th Nov 08 – Amsterdam
17th Nov 08 – Amsterdam -> Munich
18th Nov 08 – Munich
19th Nov 08 – Munich
20th Nov 08 – Munich
21st Nov 08 – Munich -> Zurich
22nd Nov 08 – Zurich -> Singapore
23rd Nov 08 – Singapore – Brisbane

So that’s the deal so far. A couple of changes from the original vague plan we’d made to go to Denmark and Ireland. Trina said that Denmark is one of the most expensive countries in Europe, but I was still set on going to a country that I’d never been to before, so Barcelona was suggested. The more I think about it, the better an idea it seems, as I keep hearing that there’s no place in the world like Barcelona. I love Germany also, so going back there is going to be awesome. We didn’t get much time in Munich last time we were there (we spent quite a bit of time at Dachau concentration camp while we were in Munich). I’m especially looking forward to visiting the Hofbrauhaus again. This is what happened last time:

I wish I had a better picture of me with the stein of beer. You can hardly tell that it’s me. So I guess I can grant my own wish in a few months time, because we will be going there!

Lauren and Nathan got back from their five-week overseas honeymoon last night. We were at the airport to meet them. They said that they got stopped in customs and almost got arrested because of the present that they got for Tim. I still don’t know what it is, but they’re coming over tomorrow so I guess we’ll find out then. We also might be going out for Yum Cha beforehand.

I’m so psyched about this overseas trip. I have so many things to look forward to. If I look forward to the end of the year, and going to Europe, then I have to think, “but wait a minute, I’m going overseas in May!” and then I have to think about that for a while, and look forward to that as well.

YAY!

What? You say it’s not unbearably hot? Yes, it is. GOSH.

It’s too early for me to think of decent things to post, but the “Press it! I stole the internets!” button keeps looking at me whenever I go into my Bookmarks, and so it has become a duty that I can’t ignore. Don’t get me wrong – I love posting blogs as much as the next person writing overly long and pointless blog posts, but not having the internet for a week made me apprehensive about the amount of posts I would have to do to catch up.

Stuff it, I’m extremely effusive, and who cares what I say on here anyway? Well, I guess Suncorp used to care, but not so much any more because I’m no longer associated with them. If I had a bad experience in one of their branches or with their internet banking or phone banking or whatever, I’m more than entitled to post the facts here. It’s free speech. So get lost, censors.

Yesterday was Noelle’s birthday. We had drinks and tapas at Jorge on George, and then made our way down to Parliament House. We had been planning on hanging out in the bar at Parliament House, but it turned out that pretty much everyone had left by the time we got there, the teetotallers. We visited Helen’s mum in her Office, and she shared a really nice Queensland red from the Granite Belt with us. I had to leave in the middle of our quite interesting conversation to go home (Tim, who wins the Best Boyfriend Award, picked me up out the front of Parliament House to make sure I got home safely). I had a really good time with Noelle, Brea, Helen & Renaye.

The new house r0x0rs, btw. As does our new lounge. Check it out (These photos are from a few days ago, when we had first moved in, so our new lounge isn’t in them, and all the boxes and stuff are still everywhere. Plus it’s still messy. I’ll take some new photos today of our nice, clean, tidy new house, and our awesome new lounge):

There is a man who sells strawberries who comes to our work every now and again with a big tray of strawberry punnets on it. I will usually get some, because they are nice. This week they were especially nice. Did you know that the part of the strawberry that we call the fruit isn’t actually the fruit? It’s classed as an “accessory fruit”. I looked it up on Wikipedia to be sure my mind hadn’t made that up, but it’s true! The actual fruit of the strawberry plant are the little seeds which are on the fleshy receptacle (the red part of the strawberry).

I finally got my other group certificate in the mail today. I’ll do my tax return sometime over the weekend hopefully. Tim and I are going to his friends’ place for dinner on Saturday night, and we’re bringing dessert so I will cook that on Friday night (tomorrow night).

Tax breaks came into effect 1st July, so this months’ pay is going to be more money than I would usually get. That means that I should be able to get my ninjapass for my DS. I’m really looking forward to that.

I’m on mum’s computer at the moment, because I left my laptop at Tim’s place, and the TV is on in the background so I’m having trouble concentrating on this.

I give up!

Anyway, there’s one particular part that reminds me of something out of one of my favourite books. The book is “Plague” (otherwise known as “Plague 99″, no longer in print, but you can probably find it on Amazon or Alibris if you’re curious, or just borrow mine if you know me) by Jean Ure. The part of the film clip that reminds me of the book is 3.24 minutes into the video, when the weird men rise up off the floor so that they are perpendicular to the ground, and start vomiting thick black goop onto the table in front of them in the shape of a circle. In “Plague”, the plague causes victims to spew stinking black vomit in the later stages, perhaps a couple of days before they die. The black vomit is probably caused by necrosis of the internal organs. For some reason, I like the fear that this concept instills in me, in the same way that I like being frightened in horror films – I think because it’s not real. I think this is also the reason for my fear of zombies. Logically I know that zombies don’t exist. In the world where my imagination rules (in my head), anything is possible.

Sometimes my feelings get in the way of what I really feel I needed to say. Thanks Modest Mouse. I so totally go off on a tangent sometimes. Lots of times. Always.

So anyway, tomorrow is Friday the 13th. Chris is coming up from faraway so that we may go be random in honour of this most emo of occasions. I do believe black is in order. Gentlemen, ready my steed, tomorrow we ride! (gallop gallop gallop).

Some things I have found in my travels:

On a brighter note, this long weekend has been FUN. Friday I hung out with Tim. Saturday afternoon Ro & I had breakfast in the Valley with Chris & Doonz and checked out the markets. Saturday evening, dad came up from Yamba and we had Indian take-out from Scheherezade Restaurant in Morningside (they are really good), and then we went out to John & Pai & Dan’s housewarming. It was really good to catch up with Pai (who I haven’t seen in aaaages) and John, and meet new people etc.

We left the party to go to Lolly’s bday celebrations in the Valley at about 12:30am. These had started off at Mustang Bar, but by that time had migrated to 299. I’ve been to 299 a few times, and the very first time we went (around the time of my birthday last year) it was so much fun. The next couple of times I went there, however, the only music they played was dirgy crap (I am very aware that it’s an emo club). This time though, it was more of how it had been that very first time. They played lots of fun songs. As we were leaving, “Take Me Out” by Franz Ferdinand started playing, and Lauren, Nathan & I went back upstairs again to dance .

I, as per usual, drunkenly stated my intention of walking home rather than wait in line for a cab for an hour. Nathan & Lauren ended up convincing me to go back to their place and stay in their spare room, since we would be going over to their place for lunch Easter Sunday anyway. So, we got back to theirs at about 3:00am, and didn’t end up getting to sleep until 4:30am, because we started playing Singstar and I guess that time flies when you’re drunk and having fun doing stupid shit. (I will almost never play Singstar when I am sober – it’s about as awkward to me as watching Mr. Bean. I’m not sure why…)

I woke up at about 7:00am feeling tired but otherwise fine (I love my liver). Lauren was fine too, but Nathan was pretty sick, and didn’t make it to church with the others. Dad ended up coming over and picking me up so I could go home and get changed into fresh clothes, and maybe have a nap before lunchtime.

Lunch was nice. Lauren made caesar salad, Glynis cooked a quiche and potato salad, and also cheesecake for dessert (I can has cheezcake?). We went home at about 2:30pm. I had a shower and laid down on my bed to read for a bit, but fell asleep almost immediately and didn’t wake up again until 6:30pm, when Dad had already left to drive Rosie to work then head back down the Coast. I’m a bit sad that I didn’t get to say goodbye to him before he left.

Ever wondered what a melted wheelie bin would look like? While on our way from the car to the mall for breakfast on Saturday, I spotted this in a carpark beside the footpath, just down from the Tibetan kitchen. “Those beers are from my work!” Rosie said. “Someone got drunk at my work and then came here and set this bin on fire!”. That’s lame.

This is the little gingy cat that lives in Abuklea Street, near the Wilston train station. I usually see it on my way to the train in the mornings, and sometimes in the afternoons. In the afternoons, it is on the other side of the road. It’s smart because it knows which side of the road to be on at which time of day to get pats. It’s really friendly. If you go near it, it will miaow and wait for you to pat it.

So now it’s Monday. I’ve got quite a bit to do today (washing, cleaning etc) before work tomorrow. I think I should get started. I’ll probably post some more later today, but for now I’m going to put some laundry on

I’m trying to think of things that are making me feel either peaceful or happy at the moment. One thing that I like is when I have to remove staples from documents at work, and the staples stay on the staple remover. For some reason, it makes me feel like I’ve achieved something when I have a row of staples all stuck on the prongs of the staple remover.

Also, when I receive expense claims from people, I stick the receipts onto pieces of A4 paper so that I can photocopy lots of them at once, and they’re easier to keep together. It’s satisfying when I can fit a lot of receipts onto one piece of paper. It’s sort of like playing tetris or something. I’ll probably be over it in a while and I’ll be all “GOSH idiot!” but for now it’s good.

Noelle and I went out with a few other people last night for St. Paddy’s Day. Neither of us were wearing any green or orange, but we felt very patriotic and showed this by drinking lots of alcohol in true Irish style. At least, I did. I was home in bed by 11:30pm (successful night out! I’m so hardxxcore! not.) but I still had fun. I enjoyed meeting new people, and seeing others who I hadn’t seen in a while.

This is Noe and I doing our best Blue Steels. Or maybe they’re Magnums… I can’t remember. Anyway, I can’t tell you how much this means to me to be the first recipient of this beautiful award. With this ’slash’ award, it means that you consider me the best actor/model, and not the other way around. Speaking of Fabio, of all the people to get hit in the face with a seagull while on a rollercoaster, it happening to him was just so poetic. I remember American Liz laughing about it hysterically when we were at dinner in … Innsbruck maybe?

Oh and just so you know, I have now gone as blonde as I can go (for the moment. In another six/seven weeks, I can be even blonder). I’m thinking that I will go back to my natural colour, then exist in that for a while. Then, if I honestly feel that I want to go dark again, and I’m willing to live through the four – five month wait and $500.00 cost to get back to blonde again, at least I’ll be able to make a more informed decision. I’ve become informed by experience about a lot of things lately.

I’m still sad, but the pockets of happiness are growing. Here is a quote from Anna’s blog which describes the way that I have been feeling lately. I’m not really up to the end bit yet, but I can see the possibility which I think is the start:

It’s like a bushfire ravaging your insides… uncontrollable, searing heat and chaos. Finally the fire dies down, the embers turn from red to black and only the ashes remain. And everything inside is silent, the colour of charcoal and ashes… empty. It starts to rain and you are swamped with the drip drip drip of disappointment, not really knowing how to wade through it to drier land. Then slowly the runoff is soaked up, fades away, and small buds start to peek through the blackness … something new is growing. And then you see it and marvel at the wonder of it all, how new life could possibly find its way through all that devastation. And then you start to feel some pieces of happiness again. The hard part is the first part, the fire, the embers, the ashes. But the emergence of the seeds is truly an amazing thing! Just as good as the smell of spring.

What I have realised I can learn from this new environment, new situation, new life journey:
Whether I truly like the company I keep in the empty moments. If I can disappoint another to be true to myself. If I can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray my own soul. If I know what it is that sustains me, from the inside, when all else falls away. If I know what being true to myself looks like in daily practice.

I think, out of everything that I lost sight of from losing myself to something so strong, the hardest to get back was my sense of self, and the sense that me as me is okay. In fact, better than okay. Me being me, being true to myself, is the best it gets. Doing things that fulfill me, feeling strong and empowered… these are the things that I need to get back. Although I still feel the pain, I can feel it without regret. I can appreciate the time that we were together. I won’t lose myself to bitterness. I can be honest with myself about this, and concentrate on looking after myself for a while. These realisations can only happen when we are able to accept the situation. When we are able to learn the lessons, however painful they might be. Julia said, “you can step into the pain, but don’t immerse yourself in it.” This is true. I might need to cry sporadically, but crying purges a little of the pain at a time, and leaves room for new growth. What grows is a new part of me that is stronger, more self-sufficient, more aware.

It’s not about going out and finding a rebound. I can’t use people that way. And I don’t want meaningless encounters. I’m too inwardly-focussed for that to do anything for me at all, and I know that from past experience that it only makes me feel like I’ve devalued myself. I’m lucky to have so many people around who are looking out for me. You are all my angels.

Tonight I’m going to the movies with Noelle and Julia and not sure who else. I’ll upload some photos from the weekend when I have time.

Friday morning, our cousin Laura arrived from Adelaide to stay with us for eight days. Christian drove us out to the airport (to de aaeee paaaart) to collect her. Friday night, Christian’s mum took us out for dinner at Jupiters to thank us for helping with the moving and settlement of their house. The food was delicious, and the drinks were cheap. What more could anyone ask?

Saturday night, Chris and Willy had drinks for Willy’s birthday. Originally, these drinks were supposed to happen at Chris’ old place in New Farm. But since they felt they couldn’t really have a good time with Chris’ housemate’s furniture all over the place, it was changed to be at New Farm Park. Then, because it might rain, and also because no one could drink in New Farm Park, Chris and Willy decided to rent a room at the Formule (it’s for mules, Willy, for mules!) 1 motel just up the road from us in Windsor. $65.00 a night – cheap cheap! Chris was embarrassed because he was wearing black & white checkered shorts, and he didn’t realise that he looked like an Indy girl and he was staying at a racing motel. All the complications and decisions and revisions aside, and despite the fact that the room smelled not-so-faintly of old man and urine, it ended up being a super-fun night, with lots of exploring the hallways that reminded us of The Shining; throwing cheese squares; Willy dirty-dancing with the bunk-bed; Willy thrusting at Noelle’s face; Lauren and Noelle trying 20-second poses competition; and the squashing of cheese into the floor which was the only way we could tell which room we were in when we got drunk and went exploring.

Sunday, feeling none too worse for wear, found us getting up early for a day at Caloundra. We got there mid-morning and went straight in for a swim at Bulcock beach. It was a perfect beach day. Christian showed us how we could swim and not get anywhere because the current was so strong. Clare showed us that sand is a good exfoliant by surreptitiously putting handfuls of it down everyones’ swimmers. We had a picnic lunch a bit further up, in a nice grassy area near a playground. Then we went for a final swim in a beach that had some small waves which Christian tried, somewhat unsuccessfully, to bodysurf, and then packed up and headed home.

I’ve got really bad sunburn. Sucks to be me!

The drive home was interesting. Laura went completely hyper and provided entertainment for the trip, with her hatred of station wagons somehow providing a new, more logical name for them: “dick-shaped cars”. Eg. “Hey Kirsty, wanna have a razz in the back of my dick-shaped car?” (Razz=root in bogan Yamba vernacular).

This week has been fairly hectic for me. I’ve had a couple of agency interviews, my CV has been sent to numerous jobs on Seek, I’ve typed, Worded, and Excelled my little heart out, and I’ve been plagued by an indecision that’s threatened my sanity (though it’s not hard to threaten that. I seem to have such a tenuous grip on reality that even a kitten shaped like a drum kit could send me over the edge).

My favourite job agency so far is Davidsons. The consultant I’ve been dealing with, Krissy, is quite possibly the nicest, most supportive I’ve ever dealt with out of any agency. I’m currently waiting to hear back from her on a couple of possibilities. I hope that I find employment through them because they are an excellent recruitment company to deal with.

Apart from the job interviews, the work situation has been pretty stress-free this week. Apart from today, that is, but I’m not even going to open that can of worms. I think the reason I haven’t been as stressed is because I can see the end from here, I can see all of this no longer being an issue for me. Before it seemed I was just treading water, and I’d continue doing that until I exhausted myself and drowned. I was sure that this was going to be my last week of work. I was sure that I was going to just say, on Friday, “Today’s my last day. Thanks for the opportunity, but I won’t be continuing my employment here.” I’m hesitating because the future is unknown, and the unknown is scary, especially when the past tells me that I might have to wait three weeks to get another job. I don’t think that will happen, because there’s so much temp work out there that, even if I don’t find another job straight away, I shouldn’t be without something to keep the coffers filled until I find that perfect role (it’s never gonna happen, Cass!). Well, perfect for now anyway. I’d like to be able to respect my employer, because I find I am able to work much harder for someone that I respect. And I feel that I will never be able to do that again where I am now. There’s a lot of lost faith, a lot of resentment, and a lot of bitterness. The only thing that stops me from regretting ever accepting the job in the first place is the people that I’ve met there. My friends. Ben, Calum, Mel, Nic, Aileen… all very important to me, and probably the one thing that’s stopped me from going insane lately. Thanks for being there to commiserate. I will miss you lots.

Okay, so up to now. Last night, we had a Thai food & DVD night at ours with Lauren, Nathan, Christian, Clare, Noelle, Laura, The Baby, & me. We watched Clerks II, which Christian and I had already seen but enjoyed it so we didn’t mind watching it again. It’s a pretty good movie – not as angsty as the first one (according to Nathan. I can’t really remember, I watched it that long ago.) All i remember from the first clerks is…

BIG AMERICAN PARTY!!!!!!!!!

Me and Noe at Jorge on George this evening.

This week has been/will be a big week. I’m glad that I had last weekend to rest up and get some washing done. For a while there, I was going out almost every weekend (and then some!) and creating my own occasions where there were none. Now, it seems like it’s no longer my choice, that events are there and must be attended. Not that I don’t like going out, I think sometimes it wears me out. Sometimes I’d like to sit at home and watch a DVD, which is something that I think about doing but don’t really do that often anymore, but because I think about doing it then it feels like that’s all I ever think about doing and so when it comes time that there is the opportunity for me to do just that, I don’t want to because it’s so ordinary, or boring… and I should be spending my time doing something more productive or just a better use of my free time. I seem to stay up later and later, and don’t end up doing anything at all, but just sort of stuff around for a couple of hours. Then I realise the time and that there was no point me staying up late at all.

This weekend, I have Noelle’s party on Friday night, work on Saturday morning, helping set up Lauren & Nathan’s engagement party Saturday afternoon, Lauren & Nathan’s engagement party Saturday evening, and then I am not allowed to stay at home Saturday night because we have family up for Lauren & Nathan’s engagement party. This doesn’t mean that I won’t be able to relax… every thing that I do is time out from the other things that I’m not doing at that exact moment in time.

Christian and I went out for dinner last night to Hanaichi. It was good – we had Wagyu beef, and some sushi, and then a black sesame creme caramel with sesame ice cream for dessert. Then we went to see the Grudge 2. There were a couple of disturbing things, and I jumped a few times, but it wasn’t the most amazing horror film ever. Nothing was explained, nothing was resolved… in the end, there was really no point for the movie having existed at all, except to use that womans face to scare people some more. I don’t regret seeing it, because i like scary movies, but I think that it could have been a lot better. I’m hanging out for Borat!

Our team finished work early today. Christian picked me up at 3:00PM so that I could take all my personal belongings home. We also went out to WOW and got new Divx players ($55 cheap cheap!).

Anyway, I’m getting tired looking at Napoleon nap beside the computer, so I’m going to go to bed.

Napoleon in his castle.