I want to be someone else or I’ll explode

 Christmas, Computers, Family, Food, Friends, Going out, Movies, Music, Shopping, Travel, Work  1 Response »
Dec 182005
 

IE sucks. It doesn’t recognise that I am already connected to the internet (have you ever heard of Broadband, IE? Welcome to the 21st century IDIOT! Gosh!)  and so it keeps trying to tell me to connect to my dial-up provider. ’sif i’d want to do that!

It dawned on me a couple of days ago that maybe I should add a reference to the blog entry titles that are song lyrics or lines from movies etc., because that could constitute copyright infringement. I know nothing about copyright laws (I have this vague notion of something to do with 10% of intellectual property use being okay, but I’m not sure) so perhaps I should amend them all just to be on the safe side?

Perhaps I will do that right now – not having a legal advisor or representative means I should always err on the side of caution!

Today does not feel like sunday, it feels like saturday. I went shopping with Beck and Tanya, and it was so funny because we planned on seeing a movie, and the movie was on at like… 4:50pm, and we got there at 11:30am, and so we had so many hours of time to fill in, and it didn’t really seem like that long once we had done everything we needed to do and seen everything we wanted to see. So at about 4pm we headed up to the cinemas and were going to hang out in the arcade until the movie was on, but when we checked the movie times it turned out that the movie only showed at 4:50pm monday through to saturday, and the only time it was showing was 9:15pm. haha. I laughed so much. I put coins in the machine where the coins fall onto a tray and then they fall off that and into the other tray and you win tickets for how many you get to fall off. I won a lot of tickets, but I couldn’t be bothered redeeming them. I had so many bags that that was really the only game I could be bothered playing, because all you had to do was put the coin in the slot. And we were really tired by that point, so we just went home, with Beck lamenting over her lost opportunity to see a movie. She hasn’t seen one in quite a while apparently. The last movie that I saw was Harry Potter I think… I haven’t seen one in a while because there aren’t any that I want to see. I’m hanging out for Narnia.

Yesterday I helped mum set up for her xmas party. We had a helium bottle, and I was filling up the balloons. Mum breathed in some helium and talked like a chipmunk. She & Tash were drinking champagne but I just had water. Fermented grapes still make me feel ill. After a couple of glasses they couldn’t figure out the maths to put the balloons on the tables. “How many for this table?” “how many times does 3 go into 11?” “how many times does 3 go into 50?” When we had packed up mum said “Thanks for helping, it was good to have you around because we were so bad with maths”. But the thing is, I never gave them a single answer to any of their mathematical questions. They figured it out themselves. I remember once we had some people over at our house, I think they might have been our cousins, and mum made sandwiches for all the kids. Except one of the kids didn’t feel like eating, so they just sat at the table with the rest of us. At the end, everyone said “Thanks for the sandwiches!”, and the other kid said “Thanks for nothing!” Not in a mean way, but just matter-of-fact.

I ate my dinner out of the cat’s bowl on the floor. That sounds worse that it is. Actually, the cats eat out of these little ceramic bowls. We have white ones and coloured ones, but there are only ever 2 coloured ones and about 8 white ones. Lauren served up the food, and I wasn’t very hungry so I said I only wanted a tiny bit. Mum wanted only a little bit too, so lauren served up the food in one coloured bowl and one white bowl for us, and in the bigger bowls for everyone else. Mum got in first and took the coloured one and laughed that I had to eat out of the white one. Then when I got over to the lounge room where everyone was sitting, there were no chairs left so I had to sit on the floor. That usually happens, I don’t often sit on the couch. But I prefer the floor anyway. Then I don’t have to worry about where to put my water or my food, because everywhere is flat. I’m not sure why I like it so much but I do. I will never complain about having to sit on the floor.

Work tomorrow. I’ll do my usual day from last week (though I bailed on the last couple of days because I felt like crap). 6:30am start, finish at 3:15, go to gym, back to work by 5pm, work until 8pm, cabcharge home. Except Thursday. If the postie has dropped off my registered mail card by then, I’ll pick it up on Thursday morning bcause I have to start work late anyway. I think. I can’t remember. Then the weekend is Christmas, then work on Wed, Thurs, Fri, down to Yamba Saturday for NYE, back to Brisbane on Mon, back to work on Tues, work through to Fri, fly out on Sat 8th. That’s a hectic couple of weeks. I hope I get all my outstanding stuff at work finished by then. I mean, i will have to.

I hope the deliveries arrive before Christmas. It would really suck if they didn’t. I need a fallback. I have no idea what I’m getting dad. He’s so hard to buy for. I’ll call him tomorrow, because I don’t want to get him the same old thing. That’s boring. I hate boring. agh.

What I want for Christmas:

White Stripes White Blood Cells
Kaiser Chiefs Employment
GHD
PSP
Camera
Docs
A brain transplant

 Posted by casbot at 10:20 pm

Wednesday’s colour should be red, but from here it just feels grey

 Angst, Computers, Work  No Responses »
Dec 142005
 

I hate Word. I hate the way it auto-saves the normal.dot template when you close it, and takes FOREVER. I hate the way, if you have asked something to be printed duplex and then you open a NEW document, it still thinks you’re printing duplex. Get a clue, Word! Gosh!

 Posted by casbot at 2:35 pm

And he rode upon a white horse, and that horses name was Mr. Ed.

 Christmas, Computers, Family, Food, Friends, Going out, Shopping, Work  No Responses »
Nov 192005
 

One good thing about the current state of the world is that no one can really accuse you of being paranoid, because the majority of the time your suspicions will be proven without you even having to lift a finger. Take, for example, last week’s terrorist threats on Brisbane Public Transport. I liked my paranoia being justified. That may sound bad, but the only reason I say that is because it was later revealed to be a hoax by a disturbed individual. I mean, what was he thinking? You can’t blow up a bus with melted paddle-pops! It was funny seeing all the buses just stopped in the middle of the road. Funny, but scary driving past them when the threat was still real and the truth hadn’t yet been revealed. One bus was stopped just over the crest of a hill, with a huge line of cars building up behind him, and another bus was  stopped right next a field where some kids were playing! Forgive me, but I think that defeats the purpose of trying to minimalise the threat. Why don’t you just go park next to an orphanage you big heartless weirdos!

What the heck am I doing awake at 5:30 in the morning? I was out last night and today we’ve got to do holiday shopping… My brain is just not processing thoughts very well at the moment. Hopefully that won’t have a negative effect on today, but I can’t see how it wouldn’t. My computer won’t shut up. Shut up computer! I wish I could put some music on, but then I might wake those who are still asleep. I don’t want to impede on their common sense with my own awakeness. Or awakedness. Or whichever is correct.

Anyway, nothing much to say. Shopping today with Noz & Lauren, then nothing I guess. Might do something on Sunday, not sure what though, or I might just continue unpacking. I love going through the un- or mis- labelled boxes, because you never know what you’ll find. So yeah, maybe I’ll do that.

Next week will be ultra-busy. Not really much doing in the first half of the week, but then from Thursday onward, it’s crazy. Thursday is our volunteer day for the Leukemia Foundation, also it’s my one year anniversary at work and I won’t even be at work that day! Then Friday is the work Christmas party, and I’m sure something is happening during the day as well. On Saturday, I’ve got Maria’s 30th at around lunch time, and Noz’s 21st party in the afternoon until veeeerrrry late. Well, it doesn’t sound like too much when I write it all down, but then none of the details are there – like the fact that the work Christmas party is cowboy-themed, and Noz’s party is pirate themed, and I don’t have a costume for either. I’m not going to get a costume for the work christmas party, just in case we want to go out afterward (”No, i’m not from way out west where the rain don’t fall” I would hate explaining to drunk people why I am dressed like someone from the wild west) but that still leaves Noz’s party, for which I really should be adequately prepared seeing as I’ve known about it forever, but in the early stages it was just a ghost of an idea really, nothing more.

Anyway, i’m going to go have breakfast so I don’t throw up.

 Posted by casbot at 6:10 pm

If you’re bored then you’re boring…

 Angst, Computers, Cynicism, Family, Food, Friends, Movies, TV, Work  No Responses »
May 242005
 

aaah… I am just revelling in being at home tonight. Last night I went straight from work over to Kristy’s, and we went from there to the movies, and I only got home at about 9:45pm and went straight to bed. I don’t like not having time to unwind and relax. Not that going to the movies wasn’t relaxing, but … oh well. i think i’m too attached to comfort zones :) I love my room (especially now that it’s tidy again, it feels 10 times bigger) and i love my laptop (i will have to take it for a trip into the city soon so it gets to use it’s wireless capabilities on the crappy our.brisbane provider). And I’m really comfortable right now in my felix pyjamas. theyre really cute. so maybe i’m too attached to material possessions and i need to take a break in some buddhist retreat to break my attachment to the physical world – because you can’t reach nirvana if you’re still pining after those awesome new cons or the latest version of your favourite jeans just released in a new wash ^_^

Well. whatever. I’m far too content right now to mind. Rosie is stressing about her job, it’s too difficult for her apparently. I think she has a skewed idea of what work actually is. it’s not meant to be fun. I won’t say any more about it in case she reads this and gets angry at me, but… meh. i don’t want to argue with someone over what they should or shouldn’t be doing, it’s definitely not my place to say.

a friend of mine today at work (who often irritates me so much that i wish i didn’t know her) was going on about her friend. I’ll start at the very beginning (a very good place to start). Her friend, who we shall call Tree, found out a couple of weeks ago that she is pregnant. She told her boyfriend, and they spoke to both their parents about it. They talked the whole thing over, but in the end it was Tree’s decision as to whether she wanted to keep the baby. Tree is 23 (not to young to have a baby i know, but it depends on the person) and she has only been going out with her boyfriend for 4 months. It’s a pretty stressful situation to be in. So my friend was going on about how she was really excited that she would get to be an aunty (not by blood of course, just a term for the way she would feel i guess) but that she knew Tree and didn’t think she would be able to hack it and knew she’d just chicken out. That was the first thing that kind of irked me. Anyway, today my friend came over and said that Tree had made her decision, that she wasn’t keeping the baby and had booked in for an appointment for a termination. She started on about how she had gone off at her, telling her she was selfish, had disappointed everyone who was getting so excited about it, was letting everyone down, better open up her eyes and start living in the real world etc. I just turned around as soon as she started saying this and stared at the computer. it made me so mad. I hate conflict and so I didn’t want to tell her exactly what i thought, but then she finished and said “ok well seeya later then” and i said “hang on a minute. you’re just going to say all of that and then walk away?” and she said “you weren’t listening – what did i say?” so i relayed to her what she had basically just said, and then said “it’s not about you or anyone else, it’s about her. It’s her decision, if she does not feel capable of doing it, and doesn’t feel strong enough or whatever, then it’s probably for the best that she doesn’t.” what i felt like saying was “you’re the selfish one for making it all about you and your stupid expectations.. it’s like she has a baby and wow everything’s wonderful a new family!” she’s the one not living in reality. GRRR. then she said “and she doesn’t realise that doing this will change her life, it’s like a huge change and will alter everything for her” which is what I had said to her about Tree having the baby, just yesterday!!! She was using almost exact phrasing I had used, but instead of referring to having a baby as a life changer, she was referring to the termination as changing her life! Agh!!!!! she has no idea. I’m so mad. She’s fun to hang out with when she’s not spouting her opinions on things, but as soon as she gets up on her soapbox, i’d rather be anywhere than there, listening to her shitty, dogmatic unrealistic ideals. It makes me hate her. and i dislike myself for not being able to tell her what i’m thinking really, in no uncertain terms.

Well. lunch tomorrow with Noelle. We’re going to Nandos, then having chai for dessert. We’ve been meaning to do chai for a while now, and tomorrow’s good because noelle has just been on a conference all weekend so she’ll be able to tell me all about it.

We had team lunch today at O’Malley’s, it was pretty good. Team leader wasn’t there, and everyone had a drink with their lunch. Brooke and I had vodka lemon lime & bitters. I think i should learn to like beer, because when you’re at a party, the good stuff runs out real quick and there’s always beer left. it’s cheap too. But vodka’s my drink :( i like vodka, i’m used to it, it goes well with anything because as soon as you mix it with something, it takes on the flavour of whatever it’s in. At chris’s party on sunday night he was telling me about long island iced tea, and that it was the best thing he’s ever tasted but you have to remind the person to put crushed mint leaves in the bottom. I want to try one. After team lunch I didn’t really get anything done.

i want to call my laptop felix. that’s one of the names I want to call one of my kids, when i eventually have them. It could be boy or girl, doesn’t matter. Felix is a cool name. I also like Elliott, for a girl’s name. Melinda was saying today that when she has kids she wants to have twins, because there’s two done in one go. I want twins too, then they’d always have someone their age, they wouldn’t be so scared when they start school etc. It’s dumb that i’m thinking about it since I definitely won’t be having kids any time soon. Maybe when i’m like… 28-30. depends how life goes i suppose. I want to go to uni, get a job doing something i really like, know the person i am with is the right one etc.

Anyway. Simpsons calls.

 Posted by casbot at 6:30 pm

And then a wondrous thing happened, why not?

 Animals, Computers, Money, Work  No Responses »
Apr 062005
 

I’m tired, like always. I’ve been online since about 8pm, and I only ever seem to write here when i’m just about to log off because i’m just so uninspired by the lack of original content on the internet.

Well, not really, it’s just when I get sick of following link after link (some hardcore nethead’s going “that’s surfing dude! what up?!”) and i’m not even sure what i’m looking for anymore. Also, my back is getting sore from lying on the floor to use my laptop. Damn cable modem. Damn weak city wireless. One day I will fulfill my dream of living in a completely wireless apartment! well, that’s not actually a dream so much as a momentary wish for convenience-sake. I’d much rather live in a house. I’m happier here in this old house than i think i could be in a pokey little apartment. it’d probably cost literally 10 times more as well.

Hopefull will be going to Seaworld with Frank & Ang sometime in the near future. Ang sent a message telling us to get a coupon from last sunday’s sunday mail, but ours has already been collected by the garbage man. So Brooke asked her parent’s to get their coupon, which was very nice of her. It should be fun, I’ve wanted to see the polar bears for ages, i think Frank has too. The ads portray them as very clean and white and fluffy, but i don’t think they’ll look like that in real life. i think they retouched them, like models. So all the other polar bears are going “how come i don’t look like that?” and their friends are going “honey, THEY don’t look like that”. haha.

Anyway, am just too tired to go on. i really should go to bed earlier, but i have so much trouble getting to sleep. It’s just been lately, usually i’m pretty good. And I would take a phenergan, but i’m worried i won’t wake up in time to get ready for work :-/ agh.. i am craving sleep! I suppose i shouldn’t be drinking iced tea during the day… but then i almost fall asleep at around 2pm, and then so i need the caffeine to keep me awake. but then it keeps me awake at night, which is what is making me tired during the day, and how do i stop this crazy ride i want to get off!!!!!…….

so… managers are paying for our entire floor to get a morning tea on friday. our share price just hit the $20 mark. Home lending has increased 25%. Good job everyone. They mean everyone, even those who aren’t working overtime just to make sure the team stays afloat! But oh well. We’ve got a morning tea this friday for the good news in home lending and share prices. next week we have a morning tea because meegan is leaving and it’s Ben’s bday. Week after that we have a morning tea because David’s leaving, and it’s Kristy’s bday. Week after that we have a morning tea because Ben’s leaving, and it’s my bday.

April is the most social of the months. but it won’t be next year, since everyone’s leaving.

I will never write about angryman.

 Posted by casbot at 10:27 pm

i been working on the railroad, all the livelong daaaay!

 Computers, Health, Money, Shopping, Video games, Work  No Responses »
Mar 292005
 

I get paid tomorrow! Woot! I predict…. maybe 6 figures in my bank account. Including 2 decimal places. And the first digit. So, no different to usual. Except that those numbers should be a bit higher than normal… apart from the first digit. So really, what am i getting so worked up about? It happens every payday, one of the consequences of being paid fortnightly. I think when you get paid monthly, you get REALLY excited, and start planning lots of things for all that money! Then you’re broke by the end of the first week, and have three weeks to live on nothing! Fortnightly is better, because although you may spend all your money by the day after payday (record for me is ON payday. I had a lotta bills!), you only have one week left to live without money, and usually you can just glide on through that finish line, guns blazing. Except without the guns. or maybe guns in the same sense as will ferrel’s guns in anchorman.

I think I may be getting sick. I have a mildly sore throat… and every time i get a scratchy throat it always develops into something like tonsillitis or a throat infection. Why don’t they just genetically engineer humans to not have tonsils or appendixes? (don’t answer that question, it was rhetorical and a comment on our genetically meddling society).

I am going shopping tomorrow, like i do virtually every lunch time, except that this time i will have money. That only happens once every two weeks. I think i do a lot to support the economy, because ever since I started working full time again, just across from the mall, with more disposable income, the Australian dollar has been increasing in value! You might think that me working at a bank would mean that I have some concept of how the economy works, but you would be sadly mistaken. I don’t really care. I made up my own theory of what interest actually is, and why our dollar has gone up, and it’s enough for me. Other people like it too. One day I might write a book and everyone who wants a viable reason and explanation for “interest” can read it. Only 5 cents per copy! (I’m expecting big sales, or the value of our dollar to increase dramatically).

I am going to get a laptop tomorrow! Hopefully. After work. Then I will play on it all day long, and won’t ever need real people again. I’m just kidding of course. But i know there are people who do believe this, deep inside where they will never realise until they HAVE NO FRIENDS. agh. Anyway, i’m very excited about this. So i have two exciting things. one, i get paid. Two, i get a laptop! yay! then i can install all my games on it, that lauren won’t let me play anymore. The sims, age of empires, zootycoon…

Well, i think i’ve gone mad. I’ve probably got a temperature or something, from this angry throat of mine. yay!

 Posted by casbot at 7:28 pm

You almost had it…

 Computers, Nostalgia, Video games  No Responses »
Dec 212001
 

I wasn’t going to write in here today. It’s been a pretty pissy day all round, but I figure that it can only get better from here… (see, that’s me tempting fate. C’mon fate! come get me!) But I’m feeling a little better after playing some really old dos games… these were the cream of the crop way back when. Games like Hocus Pocus, Jill of the Jungle, Duke Nukem 2, etc…

Now I’m searching for this game we used to have called D-generation. it was such a weird game, i never quite understood what perspective i was playing from. It was on a cd we had with some other games like contraption zac, which i personally never got the hang of… and also this game with these animals and you had to knock over these domino looking things… and i’m babbling, sorry o_O…

For some reason I am a lot more attached to these old games than the new fancy-shmancy ones. Not that I’m attached to games much anyway, it’s just that i like the old ones better. A lot more imagination. New games seem to hide behind mind-blowing visuals and unnecessary violence… what is the big deal about shooting everyone in sight? I played that 007 game, and I just don’t get it. What is so damn great about blood and guts and misplaced machismo?

Well, i’ll never understand guys. i’ll have to resign myself to the fact that guys don’t understand me either ;)

 Posted by casbot at 12:23 pm

Some things I know

 Animals, Computers, Family, Food, Friends, Health, Music  No Responses »
Nov 182001
 

I haven’t talked to lauren since the last time I talked to her (what an odd thing to say…) which was last week or something. So, therefore, I have no updated news on the Penelope issue. I hope she moves out.

I changed rooms again today. That’s like the 6th time this year, and I can’t figure out why I keep doing it. I just feel like it, and so I pack everything up and move across, through the downstairs living room, and into Lauren’s old room. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Lauren’s old room is much nicer in summer. It’s so warm, but without being stiflingly hot. The room is basically a square, with a window on three walls, and a door on the one left over. I’m pretty sure it’s not very good feng shui, but that’s okay because I’ve got my fish tank (which is a really good feng shui cure especially with goldfish), and I’ve got a wooden Japanese fan with a red ideograph on it, and red tassels that the cat tries to eat. I’m not entirely sure what the ideograph means, but I’m guessing it’s not anything bad like asshole, or shithead or something. I also have a red and gold bali umbrella in the corner of my room, which makes me smile each time I look at it. My favourite colours at the moment (they have been for a while) are red, orange, yellow and pink. They make me feel energised, vibrant and happy. Also, I have my bookshelf, cause I really love my books. Surrounding yourself with things you love is also good feng shui, as the energy it creates is positive.

Mum got me a new bed already. It’s in my room – I set it up today. I didn’t get a base, because there was already an old ensemble base in Lauren’s room, but that’s okay. The new bed is soooo comfortable. I’m so pleased to actually have a double bed, because I used to feel like a kid in the old single bed. No wonder – I’d had that bed since I was 4. Now all I need for the bed is a new quilt, quilt cover, base sheet, fitted sheet, flat sheet, a couple of pillow cases and a couple of pillows. I wonder if I’ll be able to find a pillow as good as the one I have now. It’s old and the seams are splitting, but I just don’t like the other pillows. My pillow is just the right shape and softness.

Something I know: My cat coos like a pigeon if you pat it when it’s asleep. Last night, he came in to my room and slept right next to my head, curled up in between my cheek and my arm (I sleep with one arm above my head… kinda like a lazy ballerina). I sleep much better when dinna is there, he makes little soft cooing noises which are just so cute.

Something else I know: I am lactose intolerant. Yay. Goody. Not. If I drink milk, eat chocolate or ice cream, or have cheese or yoghurt or butter, I get sick. The only things out of those that I’m really worried about are the yoghurt, ice cream and chocolate. I don’t have them all that often, but when you know you can’t have something, it just makes you want it more. I’ll deal with it tho, no problemo. I always do. What else could be wrong with me? So far there’s asthma, lactose intolerance, spondylolisthesis, scoliosis, double vision, weak knee joints (which means my knees dislocate from time to time) and depression/anxiety, which is the one problem that seems to have affected me the most of all of them. I could ignore everything else, mind over matter and all that, but seeing as depression is a disease of the mind, it’s not so easy. In fact, it’s almost impossible. But I am strong – I know I am, because I have climbed out of the pit I was in. I’m happy, bright, loving and funny. I’m the photojournalist’s geek (meaning I fix his computer when something goes wrong). I no longer fight so much with Rosie, although she tries to fight with me. I understand how she feels because I went through the same thing at her age. I appreciate her a lot more, she’s a good kid and I know she needs my support at this time in her life. She’s in a transitional stage where she learns so many new things every day, and it’s hard to take it all in. It can be overwhelming.

The only person I’m having trouble with at the moment is mum. I love her so much, and I can see how much it hurt her to see me so depressed and wasting away, but now that I can stand on my own two feet, all I’m asking for is a little independence. She still treats me like I’m a five year old. It may have been appropriate before, but not now. I want mum to see how much better I’m doing, and I want her to be proud of me. I wish I could just say that to her, but you can’t force someone to respect you. I guess that’s all I need – some respect. Just a bit, so that I don’t feel like mum has me on an invisible lead.

The same song keeps singing in my head when I ponder this. It seems a bit strange – nelly furtado, turn off the light, where she says “I pretend to be cool with me, want to believe that I can do it on my own without my heart on my sleeve.” It doesn’t even correspond to anything going on in my life, which is why it’s so confusing. Another line from a song that keeps coming into my head is from a (wait for it) Hanson song, Weird, where they say “When you live in a cookie-cutter world, being different is a sin, so you don’t stand out, and you don’t fit in” the part that gets me the most is the don’t stand out and don’t fit in bit, which describes me perfectly. I’m easily forgettable, I think, but it’s not as though I actually fit in with any group, or relate to people my own age. I’m feeling utterly alone at the moment, and I wish I was back up in Brisbane with Chris and Greta, always talking and laughing and never leaving too much time to think really deeply about things. Chris rang me the other day, and I was really glad to hear from him. We talked about nothing, but he cheered me up so much. Not that I was depressed, but I was just in a sort of nothing mood, where I couldn’t decide how I was feeling.

Anyways, I’m going to go make a sandwich for tea or something… ciao ciao

xxxooo

 Posted by casbot at 3:05 am
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