So it was a bad day today. Bad bad day. I woke up late, felt sick this morning, so couldn’t start getting ready until around 7:30am, so didn’t end up catching the bus until 8:30am, didn’t get to work until 9:20am. Shit. This was a continuation of some of the bad feelings from yesterday. I had a bad day and I know I’m being immature and juvenile about it, but maybe I am not capable of reacting in a mature and responsible manner right now. Maybe it’s just not in me to do that. I hate it when a notion comes upon me and makes me feel a certain way, maybe about someone, and I just can’t shake it. And I would give ANYTHING in the world not to feel this way, anything. I would give anything in the world to just forget about it, or to have something waiting on the sidelines for a moment like this so I can grab it and say “See? I don’t actually care! here’s proof!” and even if it wasn’t true, it would be enough for relative normalcy to be reestablished and we could all just fall back into our usual roles, and I wouldn’t have to go over and over and over things in my mind, and feel like an idiot whenever I opened my mouth. I hate this feeling.
Emos have no concept of responsibility. As soon as something is difficult, an emo is nowhere to be found. As we were walking up the hill today, Rosie said “I don’t want to walk up this fucking hill.” But not in a resigned way that’s like, I hate walking up this hill but i know i have to do it to get home but more in a way that was like i hate walking up this hill and i am just waiting for something to come along so that i don’t have to. And she won’t brush her hair so she can get a job. I know that when I heard that song “Get a haircut and get a real job” I thought that it was just mocking conformists, but in all seriousness you really do need to just at least conform to their ideals for while you’re working, and then in your own time you can do what you want. Once you get a job, then test the limits a little bit and see how far you can go, but when you’re initially looking, an effort has to be made. Especially in customer service/sales assistant jobs, which is what all the emo kids would be looking for, if they’re looking for jobs at all and not just living off their parents. My god they’re going to DIE when they leave home and have to fend for themselves. They either curl into a ball and die, or they shed their emo ideals and start living in the real world. I understand this need to be yourself, to represent yourself and to live as you are and not to make apology for it, really I do. And I know that in a perfect world, you would be able to do that. But this is NOT a perfect world. It’s a shitty world. Emos should understand that most out of everyone, because they’re so SENSITIVE and FEELING.
Emoticons:
I will stop now before I cause more problems for myself than I already have. I”m sorry but I needed a rant.
In other news, Calumski & I went to see Nic and her brand new baby today after work. His name is Finn, and he was born last night by C-section, 9lbs. He was so beautiful! I’ve missed Nic, she lends a sort of calmness to the atmosphere at work. I held Finn and he was quiet and beautiful. I forgot to get photos. I am so vague right now. On the way up to the Mother’s hospital, Calum threw his cigarette butt into the bin and said “I don’t think that was fully out”. I said “Imagine if it lit the bin on fire, and they thought it was a bomb, and so they evacuated everyone, patients and everything, from the hospital.”
And when we got to the mother’s hopsital, we had just stepped inside and the fire alarm went off! Calum and I stood outside and laughed, and perved at the non-attractive firemen, and ate the free clinkers that the vending machine gave us. (It also gave me 60c extra change! yay.)
I am supposed to have an appointment with the Occupational Therapist, and I can’t remember when, and I think it’s tomorrow, but I can’t remember what time. Oh and also, after the *accident* with my arm, I went and got some x-rays done at (lol) “Savage X-ray”. I laugh because that name amuses me. I got to keep the x-rays this time, so I took pictures of them. They aren’t all that clear, because I had to turn the flash off and alwyas when I do that the camera switches to the “available light” mode and so therefore it has two shutter openings, and if you don’t keep the camera in the exact same spot for both then it goes blurry. Plus my one good arm is getting so tired of doing all the work that it’s sometimes shaky. Thank god it’s not too much longer til I get to leave my splint off. Though then I’ll have to be extra careful anyway… Ok. So here are the photos:
Robert has taken to calling me “Paperclip chick”, I think because one of the pieces of metal they put in there is shaped sort of like a paperclip. I don’t like the look of those pins that are sticking into the soft tissue between the radius and the ulna. I’m hoping that they do eventually take all that stuff out, once the bones have fully knit and healed. I hope I remember when my appointment is. I’ll have to call tomorrow morning.
I’ve been playing Norrath again now that i have some use of my hand back. I can only play for a short time and then my hand/wrist will get tired, and then i have to rest it for a while. I imported my character from my finished game, and started again from the beginning. My aim is to keep playing until I make an awesomely leveled character and then import her to Return to Arms. I like Dark Elf Shadowknight best of all, but I’m kind of regretting the fact that I didn’t name her something cool to start off with. Her name is “nit”. I dont’even remember doing that, but it might have been when I was just experimenting with the cheats to give the character a head-start with all attributes, not thinking I would continue playing with that character. I’m such a nerd. Anyway, this is my character, “nit”.
It’s a shit picture because I’m too dumb to figure out if I can hook my playstation up to my laptop, and if so, how to then take screenshots. So this is a photo taken with my digi on the tv. crapola.
I submitted my tax return forms last night, via e-tax. I really, really, really, really hope that they give me a fast refund. I’m destitute right now. I had to go into the bank today to withdraw the last $8.00 from my account. Calum was embarrassed of my povo-ness, and so he waiting outside. We only got paid last Wednesday, and don’t get paid again until next Wednesday 
boo hoo. I’m going to submit my holidays tomorrow, so that I can at least get leave loading and have a little bit extra money. We’re supposed to be going out this Friday night, for U-Rock celebration and Kirra’s birthday, and so I don’t know how that’s going to work. I definitely won’t be able to buy any new clothes for the occasion, nor for Legends night for that matter. Maybe it would be better if I didn’t go. To Legends, I mean, not Friday night. I wouldn’t miss that. Though the way this morning went, I just wanted to forget everything about it. Just crawl under a rock and not come out until next week. After Wednesday. And then go buy myself a sympathy present. Like an alice band. Those are awesome and I desperately want one, but I don’t have the money to buy one. They are $10.00 at Mombassa (highway robbery! but the nicest I have seen so far), $6.00 at Diva (but they don’t have the red dotty one that I like), and $5.00 at JayJays. I also want Smoosh’s album, but don’t have the moeny for that either.
These are some things that I will buy once I get my tax return (if I get back a decent amount):
* Rosie’s b’day cons
* $300 paid off my credit card
* $50 paid off Lauren
* $50 paid off Dinna’s vet bill
And that would be the majority of the money gone. Then i would maybe be able to get myself an alice band and the smoosh cd.
Here is a picture for Calum (continuing on from our imitations of pouncing cats, cats looking through windows at birds, and cats walking upstairs or jumping off a bed (prrrrrrp!))
Whew! So much stuff to say! Every time I went to write a blog, myspace was stuffed and I couldn’t! Frickin myspace. But I have now. So it’s all cool.
xxxooo
P.S. How good is bam? One more picture – for the bam.
