My hell comes from inside, comes from inside myself

Today is a memory day.

* I remember having blond hair and brown skin and going to the beach every single day

* I remember going for a drive with dad out to the Point during a hurricane. I was afraid. Dad told me about how when he was younger and lived in Sydney, he’d go down to circular quay when big storms came in and ride the ferry just before they cancelled it due to bad weather, because it was fun being on the ferry in the huge waves and pouring rain. I remember thinking that our car was going to be blown off the road, and not being able to see two feet ahead of us, and everything was grey. We went home.

* I remember church on Christmas Eve being so crowded that people lined up outside, and all the kids were outside running around in the yard and everyone was friends with everyone else, and it didn’t matter if we all ran off to the park, it was still counted as being there because we showed up and couldn’t get in, and all the parents stood around outside talking about parent type things.

* I remember when the circus was in town, standing out on our balcony late at night and seeing a drunk guy passed out in the church yard across the street from our place, and hearing the circus music in the background.

* I remember going to the library almost every day after tafe (NERD!), or going to the library in town every second weekend and sitting on the beanbags in the kids section and reading the new kids books, until I turned 11 and started reading from the adult section (and got told off by the librarian – “you can’t read that! Your section is over there —>”)

* I remember going to a party with Chris, and Noelle came too because she was staying with us for the holidays, and we left and met some random guy called Dan, which reminded Noelle and I of an ad for prune juice (Dan Presser, managing director of sunraysia natural beverages, is talking to his mum ruby about a new drink he’s created…) and then we walked down the main street of town and a girl was walking along with a guy, and he was drunk. He pushed Chris into the wall and said “Watch where you’re f**king going!” and the girl who was with him said “Go. Just run.” And we did.

* I remember using the metre-rulers from the blackboard as skis in year six, just before we went on our holiday to the snow, and being strongly reprimanded by the teacher for it (”these aren’t skis! they’re school equipment!”)

* I remember a boy from my class going missing at sea during a storm just after we had started high school. His own father found his body two weeks later at the docks. We had a memorial for him at the church behind our old primary school, and they arranged for all those who had known him to take the afternoon off school and provided a bus from high school to the primary school. It was a sad start to the year.

* I remember going up to the sports field of our village one night, and seeing glowing lines on the ground. One of the parents told us that the glowing stuff was left behind by slugs. I never actually saw any of the slugs.

* I remember going into the bushland surrounding the sports field, and finding paths cut through the scrub that you couldn’t see from the outside. They led to secret hideouts and clearings, and places where other kids had dragged sheets of corrugated iron or cardboard and made shelters and stored things there.

* I remember Noelle, Anna & Clare coming down for Christmas holidays and playing Super Mario Bros 3 and Spy Vs Spy on their Super Nintendo when they stayed out at the farm.

* I remember a Christmas when all the cousins came down to visit, and we put on a show for the parents, and we had tents in our backyard because there were so many people staying.

* I remember taking a kayak out on the lake and discovering what was on the further edges. There were islands and a huge black skeletal tree.

* I remember feeling content.