2005 December | casbot.com.au

Lesson 101 – the art of deception (now including how to lie to those who care about you!)

Angst, Computers, Family, Friends, Money, Movies, Shopping, Travel No Responses »

Dec 302005

I’ll have to go to bed soon. We’re heading off quite early in the morning, and I want to have energy enough to be able to stay up late and watch the fireworks (because they’re soooo exciting doncha know, and it’s not like they’re the same frickin thing every year, and it’s not like I’m swimming in negativity or anything…). Yamba should be good. I’m looking forward to going to the beach, I’m sure everywhere is going to be packed though.

My ear is killing me. Well, not really killing me. What I should have said is ‘I’m in pain”. I’m sure it will be gone by tomorrow. It’s self-inflicted anyway, so I can’t really feel sorry for myself (I’m so not.. well, maybe I am, but not for that reason).

I get to meet Zsolti tomorrow. Lauren, Ro and Mum have already met him. Unfair! Just because I have to start work at a ridiculously early hour, I miss out on all the excitement!

I’m not sure if I’ll take my laptop tomorrow or not. The only internet down there is the crappy dialup that doesn’t work half the time anyway, and I don’t think I have the connection on this computer anymore anyway. Getting the password off dad was like trying to get blood from a stone, so I don’t want to go through all that again. Jees, just getting the bill details off him today was unceasingly difficult, and I was doing him a favour! So anyway, I guess everyone will go into withdrawal from not getting to read my enthralling blog entries, or look at the fascinating and extremely worthwhile photos! And I guess I get over everything, like I wanted to in the first place.

We went shopping tonight. It was a bad shopping day, I didn’t find anything. Maybe my ability to hone in on something worth buying is directly proportional to how much money I’ve already spent. And today I spent ALOT of money (since I bought a camera at lunch time, among other things), this by the time I went shopping in the evening with Lauren & Nathan. I got so tired that I just went home and left them to it. I don’t mind though. Specifically I was looking for a pair of jeans. I like some in Sportsgirl, so I’m reconsidering them and I think I’ll get them sometime next week. We checked out sooooo many other stores, but nothing else was very exciting. I already bought a pair a couple of weeks ago, but come on, I’ve heard the weather report (I get all the news I need from the weather report… lalalala) about all the snow, right across UK & Europe. I’ve heard horror stories! (for example, people being found frozen to death on their doorsteps…) I didn’t know that could even happen! It sounds like something out of The Day After Tomorrow. I’ve digressed haven’t I? What does all this have to do with jeans? Well they’re about the warmest thing you can get over here at the moment, and also they are the best. yay.

I hate romantic movies. I’ve been wanting to write that all day. I hate them. (Note that the fact that I have watched Cold Mountain six times now should not in any way serve to discount the above statement.

Jude Law is worth all the bullshit that happens in it [AS IF Inman would ever exist. AS IF he’s walking thousands of miles with a bullet wound in his throat, just to see someone he doesn’t even know. Oh but it’s so romantic! *cough*gag*] plus Cillian Murphy is worth a lot of indulgent crap, however small his role is.). Anyway, Cold Mountain has a sad ending and that’s good because at least that’s somewhat true to life. Life teh sux0rs. (can you see me saying that? no? Well, maybe it was a a joke then – use your brains!) I would like to say, just for the record, that I don’t own Cold Mountain. The only thing I own that could be maybe considered romantic in any way shape or form is Girl with a pearl earring, and that’s because it’s got Mr. Darcy in it, and he is an asshole anyway (in the movie I mean), and also it has Cillian Murphy in it, and he wears interesting clothes. But my point is, romantic movies try so hard to pretend that they’re just a snapshot of real life, when in fact it’s a load of crap. Maybe they are good as escapism, but people watch them and think that’s how real life is, that’s what people are really like. Could you imagine what the world would be like if everyone was as one-dimensional as movie characters?

I’m tired and agitated.

Grr.

Maybe I don’t actually hate them, they just irritate me sometimes. Maybe I have to be in the mood to enjoy them. Maybe life does teh sux0rs (cause I’m an emo kid) dadadadada lallalalalala

I want to go to apathy school, where we all learn not to care

Computers, Family, Friends, Work 2 Responses »

Dec 292005

I just remembered another thing that Word does that is annoying. Sometimes it will all of a sudden just decide that you don’t want your 6 copies of the 30 page document you’re printing to be collated, even though you have the tick in the little box that says “collate”. So then you have to spend the next however long it takes sorting the whole mess out.

Things that are happening right now: Stephen & Melinda are joking about me because I just laughed at something Melinda said (something about SPC, but it was such a random comment that it amused me). Stephen is saying, “we thought you were asleep over there!” and I said “was it the snoring that gave me away?” And he said “No, it was when you fell off your chair”, and I said “but I do that all the time.” And he made a comment about me not having been to the pub yet, whatever that means (Oh because when you’re drunk you fall off your chair?). Melinda keeps saying things that make me laugh, and me laughing makes her laugh, and she can’t talk. I’m drinking out of a plastic bottle that is making the water taste like plastic. Kirra said that it’ll go away in time, so I just gotta stick with it. I’m not sure it’s worth it. Penny is talking about it’s not what’s in the dress code that matters, it’s the interpretation of it. That is giving me ideas.

Lauren just called and said she is in the city because she had to get an x-ray done of her tooth. Not sure why. She’s going to meet me after work, which means that I can’t catch the train home. But we might be able to go to the shops. I have to pay bills! Eep! I forgot all about them! How irresponsible of me.

Let’s say we amscray out of here and have a wild wingding at the cyclotron… – Professor Frink

Angst, Beach, Christmas, Food, Music, Summer, Travel, Work No Responses »

Dec 282005

That’s some huge leap to make from holiday me to work me. I haven’t had more than two consecutive days off in quite some time… after about three I don’t know what to do with myself. And with all the merry-making, and the festivities, and the avoiding painful feelings… I can’t even say what I mean. My fingers are killing me from putting together the pump. Those metal clamps were really tough. And the screwdriver kept slipping out and hitting the tips of my fingers, including where the fan cut me the other day. Ouch. Maybe I just wasn’t made for assembling things. I like the idea of it, and I will always stick with it until it’s finished, but I don’t think that the reason that I always end up doing these types of things is because I’m necessarily the best at it, I think it has more to do with the fact that everyone knows that if they leave me to it, it will get done.

I want to leave right now. I want to be at the airport, boarding the plane, luggage checked in and departure card filled out and submitted… Agh! (that was the scream that I promised now that I’m down to the final 10.) I don’t know how I’ll cope with the monotony of everyday life for the next ten days. Anna said that the last ten days are the longest and that they feel like an eternity. Mum said to me today, “Now, while you’re over there, don’t even think about missing home. It’s too short a time, you’ve just got to get on with it and see everything and do everything and just have fun.” I don’t know if she thinks that if she doesn’t tell me this, I’ll cry myself to sleep every night we’re away and be pining for home every minute that I’m awake. If I’m thinking anything about home at all, it will be to wonder at what mischief Ro will be getting up to.

I’d like to say that I understood what I just did and what happens next but the truth is that I don’t. (and no one will know what I mean by this!)

OH something else to think about. NYE. That takes the focus off counting down the days until we leave. And puts the focus onto something that is more worrying. There are many things I’m concerned about.

Least of these is: where are we all going to sleep? I said I’d sleep on the floor, in front of the doors to the balcony. I used to sleep there most nights when we lived in the house, I can’t remember why but I just preferred sleeping on the floor up there to sleeping in my room.

Agh. I hate when the little email reminder thing pops up and says “you have received an email from…” and it’s something boring like Australian Music Charts, or greater union, or ryanair, but never from an actual person. I mean, sometimes it is, but usually not, because why would someone email me when I’m online anyway?

The worst thing about summer is the intolerable heat, but some of the best things are:

1. stepping into airconditioning (*sigh*) this is especially good when you’re at a shopping centre and have just spent half an hour driving around looking for a park, and walking across the tar which just seems to suck in the heat and radiate it back up at you at double the intensity. Then you get to the auto doors and the air almost goes “shhhhh” as you step inside, like a science fiction movie with those airlock doors.
2. going swimming, whether at the beach or in a pool (but never at southbank. Things are never that desperate)
3. the beaaaaach
4. summer fruits: mangoes, cherries, grapes, watermelon, nectarines
5. actually appreciating being at work for the simple fact that it’s cool and you don’t have to deal with the heat and all the tourists in the mall and you can think about things other than how hot it is.
6. all the public holidays that go along with summertime
7. going for long drives with all the windows down
8. the relaxing cool that follows the darkening of the sky
9. thunderstorms (but only if I am inside!)

I wanted it to be 10, but I’m tired and I can’t think of any more. I hate Antony now, his frivolity makes me feel agitated.

You know what song is sad? That song by the white stripes… the one about having someone in your pocket. So sad. I listen to it on the bus, it always plays just as the bus is passing mountain designs, where the old man asks the bus driver, “just a little further up if you don’t mind, I got a gammy knee”.

Judge yourself if you feel the need

Family, Shopping, Work 1 Response »

Dec 272005

It’s late afternoon on my last day of freedom until next weekend, and what am I doing? I have work tomorrow, I should be doing my washing. I don’t want to replace something that is boring (like sitting here talking to no one) with something that is boring and will just cause me more work later on (as in doing my washing) I hate boredom. It creeps in unnoticed, though not entirely unexpected, until I’m just tapping my foot on the floor, looking around at the walls and the ceiling and wondering why nothing interesting ever happens. I’ve been out all day today, I’m tired as anything. We went to Chermside, Brookside, Stafford City & Carindale. I have nothing to show for these little expeditions except exhaustion and some degree of dehydration. Agh. I do and I don’t want to go back to work. At least there I know I’m doing something constructive, something I’m supposed to be doing, but then it’s so hard to concentrate on work because I have so many other things on my mind right now. I’m flicking between all the things I have to think about and hoping I don’t miss the important details. I think I am though, I think I’m missing something.

I was thinking about that saying “Act your age, not your shoe size”, but what about whatever country uses the shoe sizes that are like 38, 40, 42 etc? Is that European sizing? Because then it would be a reverse insult, you’d have to say it to someone who just acted far older than they actually are. Like a 15 year old who wore tweed suits and sat at home each night listening to Bach, or radio serials, smoking a cigar and drinking port. You could say “act your age, not your shoe size. How old do you want to be, like 40 or something?” I’m sure the suggestion would make a big impression too. I don’t think I act my age OR my shoe size. But who decides what it takes to be considered as acting your age? I think that by 22 most people would have some degree of common sense. I’m not sure I have any at all. And what about stupid fears? I don’t want to be afraid that one day I will wake up and everyone will have disappeared. Maybe this is just a fear of being alone manifesting itself in a different, more abstract form.

That’s very Freudian of me. But perhaps not everything has to have a deeper meaning. Perhaps my fear that I will one day wake up and everyone in the world will be gone is just my fear that one day I will wake up and everyone in the world will be gone, no further analysis required.

Ro and I found this weird plastic man at Carindale today. We named him Antony, and now we have photos of him in various places. I think it’s my turn to take him tomorrow. Agh. I think I’m falling back into work mode, which feels strange after being in zero-responsibilities mode for four days. At least these next three days until NYE we’re allowed to wear casual stuff to work. Actually, I don’t even care anymore. I’m going to work, it’s not like it’s that important whether I wear casual or business attire. Who cares? It’s not like casual is that different to office anyway, not with all the conditions they’ve put on the casual dress standards. Like this one: If you want to wear shorts, they have to be tailored and you must wear long socks. And they can’t be denim either. Who wears this? I should wear black knickerbockers and long pirate socks (black + red stripey) just to make a point. Except that I might make the wrong point and dig myself a hole. But then at least I could crawl into it and die, and wouldn’t that further prove the very same point I was worried about making? I like stories. haha.

Anyway. I’m going to bite the bullet and go do some washing.

This is an edit

Food, Movies 1 Response »

Dec 262005

I don’t like to backtrack and I don’t really want to edit the actual entry, because I’d like to preserve in it’s essence whatever madness came over me, but I feel I must give some sort of explanation for the previous entry.

I have had maybe… 4 cans of pepsi max today, so add that to me also having a 2 hour nap this afternoon and also having nothing to eat but Christmas day leftovers (which included some very gross mushy trifle) and I hope that goes some way to explaining the hyper-activeness glimpsed in my blog entry with no title. I’m still laughing at Tuttle, and the cat with glasses. I am so glad they included that in the movie.

Sorry if none of this makes ANY sense whatsoever to anyone else, but this is MY pensieve, all of you are just guests. Here’s a chair, sit down and make yourself comfortable. Would you like a drink? I’ve got pepsi max in the fridge! Or you can have all the wine that I haven’t imbibed since the unfortunate events of the Christmas party. We also have biscotti and ham & chicken in the fridge. Just let me know if you need anything

What? No title?

Computers, Family, Movies, TV 3 Responses »

Dec 262005

Ro said “Do you know that you havnt put on your photos for today?[sic]”

Well, that’s because I don’t want to have to take responsibility for people falling asleep in front of their computers because the photos I took today are really really boring, like more boring than any other boring day. I might get high on power, having power over peoples’ conscious minds. wow. That is, having the ability to make someone’s mind just so horrifyingly bored that it steps out for a moment, and that makes the person fall asleep and their head hit the keyboard. All these comments will be popping up that say: “a nv;sak;sda,nmxcv czxvn.zskdiei” And then everyone who gets these comments will go “Wow, I didn’t know they spoke Russian!” haha. so bad.

How funny was that cat with the drawn on glasses, and the random mastiff, and the fact that dad picked up on it too and said “what were you guys laughing at at the end of that movie? Was it that animal that had drawn-on glasses?” hahaha. yeah. And also, how funny is this: “im not gonna be able to drink. ive had caffine. [sic]”

I was watching an episode of mash today called Tuttle, and I’m not sure why but it was almost the funniest thing I’ve ever watched. I was just watching it by myself and I was laughing so hard. And usually things are funnier when you watch them with someone else (like the Simpsons, or that cartoon on the ABC where the girl said “hey, we don’t float around on clouds at this school”), and I wonder if it could have even been funnier? I guess I’ll never know. I love Alan Alda, he’s so cute. I know he’s really old now but so what, he doesn’t look any different. Plus MacIntyre has the most awesome accent, I’m not sure what it is but it rocks. Best TV guys are: 1. Marco from 4400, 2. Hawkeye from mash, 3. John Safran from Speaking in Tongues <3. That is my final word on the subject.

I’m holding a grudge against my computer for turning off when I pressed the button. GOSH computer, you should at least ASK if that’s what I meant to do! That’s only common courtesy. Heck, that’s only fair! How would you like it if you accidentally said to me “Throw me out the window” instead of “Open new window”, and I just threw you out the window? Come on now, we’ve got to be more careful here!

I just want to add, I have not had even one mosquito bite this summer. Sucked in everyone else!

I want a TV embrace

Angst, Christmas, Family, Friends, Shopping 1 Response »

Dec 252005

Wow… I’m so tired. All in all a good day, but extremely hot. The air was so heavy… for once the weather people were right in their predictions of a hot day followed by afternoon thunderstorms, though it isn’t that impressive when you think about it.. most days that are this hot and humid have afternoon thunderstorms, so to get one right the other would pretty much follow automatically.

N. gave me a stone last night, he said “I heard you were upset, so I got this stone for you because it’s dark, but it has colours through it.” It was pretty thoughtful, even though I don’t know who he heard that I was upset from. Maybe it’s just obvious. I think that’s probably more the case. The stone is really cool. I have a picture of it in one of the photo things but I will put one up in this entry. Last night was really funny. Something happened (that I can’t detail here) and Ro was upset about it and telling mum off. I said to Ro, “let her be, she’s just living her life, she is a human being you know!” and then Ro said, “that’s what they said about Hitler!”. Agh! I think our entire family thrives on melodrama. Ro, if you ever read this, I love you more than life itself. You are my dearest darling baby sister, and very precious to me. I think you’re beautiful and growing up into an amazingly strong and fiery young adult. Your individuality and intelligence are constant and something you should be proud of, though sometimes this might be hidden behind usual teen self-consciousness and striving to fit in with those around you. Remember that you are extraordinary!

I’m going to bed soon. Tomorrow are the boxing day sales. I don’t think I’ll be buying anything, as now all my money will be going toward our holiday. We now have less than two weeks (13 days) and I have 7 working days left. Eep! That’s so soon! I know I am prepared, all I have to get now is the suitcase, and that will be available soon. In fact, I think it is available to pick up now. Not sure though so I will have to ask mum. I was so surprised by how much we got for Christmas. Everyone was so generous and thoughtful, and I am so grateful for everything that we received. It was also a really nice, relaxing day, though I think that Ro and I were the only ones not drinking (Ro because obviously she is underage, me because obviously I’m a teetotaller… NOT!) I didn’t drink because the only thing around was wine.

Actually, I’m not sure that N drank anything either, because he had to drive later on.

Weird thing that happened this morning, dad took apart all the pedestal fans to clean them, and so I have these images in my mind of different fan parts sitting all over the place, but I didn’t ask why and so there was no reason connected with the images. Later on he was back and forth between the fans trying to figure out which part went with which fan. One of the fans I didn’t know we owned, and it was in the dining room when we ate Christmas lunch. I put my hand on it and it the blades were really close to the grill and cut my finger and broke my nail So now it really hurts whenever I type with that finger. I am staying away from fans from now on! Once, ages ago, I reached up when I was yawning and the ceiling fan cut the back of my hand, my wrist, and my thumb I can’t remember where that was… the ceilings must have been low.

Later in the day the heat was too much and so Anna & I went swimming (if you could call it that), and then Helen came down and fell in fully dressed ON PURPOSE. So mum got in in her clothes too. They made dad get them glasses of wine, and we laughed over everything. It cooled down later on as the clouds moved in, and Anna & I got cold so we got out and went upstairs.

That brings me to now I guess. I’m nice and cool after the water, and after the storm cleared the air, and now all that is left is to go to sleep. I hope everyone had or is having a nice day, around people that they care about and who care about them. Goodnight!!!!!!!!!

If that’s the way it is, then that’s the way it is

Beach, Christmas, Food, Friends, Shopping, Travel No Responses »

Dec 242005

Today Beck & I went down the coast. It was nice & cool, I’m not sure of the temperature, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as the weather people said it was going to be. That could have been because we were close to the ocean and getting the cool breeze coming off the water. I spent more than I should have, but at least I have everyone’s presents now.

We drove out to Robina too, for reasons I won’t list here. I am never going back there again, it is the creepiest place ever. We drove down “Town Centre Drive”, and looked for Robina Town Centre. Did you know that Robina Town Centre is actually the mall? They have no main street! One of their streets, Bazaar Street, is just another entrance to the shopping centre carpark! And the houses look exactly the same. They must have had some severe covenants put over their properties.

But anyway, it was nice walking around Surfers, checking out all the shops. Beck said that her sister would be going mad with all the half naked boys around, but I’m so not into the whole surfer boy thing. So we just checked out the shops and I got some venetian glass & malachite jewellery. I love green. It’s my favourite of favourites. The tint of my new sunglasses makes the trees and the grass look so lush and verdant. I put them on and just go “ah pretty!”, it’s like seeing what things would look like if it weren’t so hot and dry here most of the time.

Then on the way home we stopped in at Carindale for last minute things. I haven’t been there in aaages. It’s like visiting another life, and the drive home from there brought back so many memories. Also, the train I had to catch to Beck’s house was my old train line, so I had a whole day of memories being stirred up.

Dad just arrived, he and Ro have gone out for some food. I’ve felt so hungry all day, but I’ve eaten so much! I just had yoghurt, grapes and brazil nuts for tea. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, why I feel so starving today, and with the day being so hot too! Maybe I have alien parasites living in my stomach that consume all my food as soon as I have eaten it. That makes me feel like throwing up. Eugh.

That was like today, when we were driving, every time we saw a roadkill coming up I would close my eyes or look the other way, and B would say things like “oh look, a bird, or rather half a bird. Yeah, it had no head.” and also “Ah a blue-tongue lizard, you can see it’s guts all over the place. I can tell it’s a blue tongue because I can see it’s tongue on the road”. Though she swears she never said this last part, I am sure she did because why would I make that up? I said to her, “I’m trying so hard not to think about it and you’re listing every disgusting detail!” This was apparently hilarious. I was laughing too, but I really don’t like roadkill.

I think I can hear someone singing Christmas carols really badly. Haha. It’s funny.

I will show you fear in a handful of dust

Christmas, Family No Responses »

Dec 232005

There’s this noise in the background, it sounds like bells ringing. I couldn’t figure out what it was. Then I realised that the TV is on in the living room and they are singing carols, and some old man is talking about REMEMBERING THE REASON FOR THE SEASON and GIVE YOUR SOUL TO JESUS, because he needs them all to fill up some great emptiness inside. Only he didn’t say that last part, I am making up a reason because no one ever says why, they just tell you what to do but not why. So tell me why! I’m sick of not knowing reasons. It’s true what the Dilbert writer says, that we know that magnetic attractions exist but not why. Why isn’t there a reason for everything? There has to be a reason. Everyone’s keeping secrets!

But I did REMEMBER THE REASON FOR THE SEASON, I did buy religious Christmas cards, just like I always do. I’m not sure what I think this achieves, I just think that the politically correct secular humanists (I want to call them humanoids because that sounds like just a body without a soul) have been saying that Christmas is un P-C, and that we should not use our Christmas greetings, should not even use the word Christmas. My response to that is to buy religious Christmas cards, and to wish EVERYONE a MERRY CHRISTMAS! MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! So to be really PC, we should take down all the Christmas trees, and all the santas (because that’s Saint Nicholas didn’t you know, and that’s a religious reference too), and everything else that has anything to do with it. So the humanoids will have to go stick their heads under the sand until it all blows over. Then maybe before next Christmas they will pass a law so that they never have to deal with it again. You can have freedom of speech but only if you don’t say these words!

Ummmmm I am bored but I know I won’t be able to sleep, since I got too much sleep last night. Rosie is asleep because she got no sleep last night. I wonder what the coast will be like tomorrow. The TV told everyone not to drink coffee or alcohol, and something else that I can’t remember. That’s not too difficult. Birdsville was 46 degrees today, wherever that is.

Would you be my enemy? It might be easier that way

Angst, Family, Work No Responses »

Dec 212005

Things I did today:

* got my passport (1 minute exactly before the Post Office closed! Lucky!)
* empathised with Ro. Has not happened for a while and makes me feel nostalgic. But nothing ever becomes the way it was. It’s always turning and changing into something else entirely.
* missed three buses in the morning
* laughed about something that wasn’t funny
* got used to my temporary new role
* cried over something I swore never mattered to me
* rushed around the city in the WORST shoes to rush around in
* planned a getaway for Saturday
* caught a cab in rush hour and still managed to get home in 15 minutes
* got a new bank card in the mail that I never asked for (WEIRD!)
* reconsidered overtime
* was disappointed (this seems to be a permanent state for me. I need to lower my expectations)
* thought too much

I’m constantly thinking too much.

We’re getting morning tea delivered to us AGAIN tomorrow, but I will be at the hospital. (yeah, yeah, I’m real psychic). I don’t know why they keep doing that. I like this line… God doesn’t always have the best goddamn plans, does he? Hey, don’t blame me, I didn’t make it up. Anyway, I’m upset so God could forgive me for being blasphemous. I don’t think I’d mind so much if someone took my name in vain.

Everything’s just so freaking important isn’t it? I wish people would get over everything. Matter of fact, I wish I would get over everything.

Older Entries

casbot.com.au