I don’t think i can take much more of this pressure. I think i’ll collapse, or die, one of those two. i felt faint at work today, like everything was moving around me, swirling around, and i was in the middle trying to stay steady. Nothing was solid. Everything was made of jelly, or that stuff in those jelly mouse pads. I was scared. People seem to pass by me without seeing me. I do all this work, but no one really knows who i am. They know who stacey is. They give work to stacey and she just puts it all onto me. Then she gets the credit and appreciation when i finish the job and everything’s fine, but if I don’t get it done and something else goes wrong, she refers the people back to me so i get all the blame.
FUCK YOU!!!!
Had to get that out. She’s so freakin bossy. She’s sturm and drang, a stormy, horrible person to be around and she’s on a power trip. it sucks. She just decided one day that she didn’t want to do clean-ups anymore, so decided she’d do interstate. and left all her shit behind for me to sort out. So she doesn’t have to take responsibility for anything at all. Why should I have to? That’s a question i ask every day. Why me? Why do I have to? Why is it all on me?
I know life’s not fair, but this goes beyond that. Wendy and Audra looked at me today. i think audra doesn’t like me, from the way she snaps at me. but i can’t think what i’ve done wrong to make her dislike me. Wendy said “You need to tell fran you can’t do it by yourself.” then audra said “you have to tell fran you can’t cope, you’re not handling it.” It’s true, i can’t cope. I just want to leave. I just want to run and not look back. I want to be one of the people that works on the citicat. all they have to do is open the little door and pull down the ramp. And they get to ride up and down the river all day, without a care in the world. I want a job where i don’t have to worry about stupid shit like this. If you haven’t done cleanup, you don’t understand what a horrible job it is. And now Stacey just up and leaves. it’s not fair of her to do that! And fran just agrees. and won’t let greta help with cleanup. “interstate needs to be up-to-date first” well what happens when interstates up to date? why take off the most senior clean-up person to put them on interstate as a rookie? wtf????????