Sometimes I think that I am just so different from other girls my age that there’s no way we will ever relate to each other. If that is true, then who can I relate to? It certainly feels true sometimes. Some things I understand about girls my age, things I also go through, such as self-consciousness, crushes, and maybe even shallowness. But these things for me are only temporary states of mind, tiny inconsistencies that breeze through my life now and again. What I don’t understand is how other girls my age take it to the next level… why? Why do you hate your body so much you avoid looking in the mirror when you undress to have a shower? Why do you go all out to get a guy, pretend to be someone that you’re not, so he’ll like you? In the end you just realise that you don’t even like the guy, and he doesn’t like you for who you are because from the start you weren’t yourself. And why, why, why, why do you try to make other people feel low because they don’t look like you, don’t want to look like you, and don’t care if they’re not wearing the right brand of clothes or the right shade of make up? That is the thing I hate the most. Superficiality and shallowness when it hurts other people.
I always look in the mirror when I’m naked, even when I’m having a ‘fat’ day. (I’ve been having a few of them since christmas). I would even go so far as to say I like looking in the mirror. I like me, knowing that this body is mine. I can do whatever I like to personalise it, dye my hair, get a tattoo… It’s entirely up to me. Why hurt yourself with negative self-talk that just compounds your insecurities? The little voice inside your head that tells you that you’re not worth it, not good enough etc, is controlled by you. If you want to, you can make it turn around and say you are worth it, you are good enough, you’re everything you need to be. It’s like programming a computer, but no one seems to know this because they think they deserve this kind of negativity and self-loathing.
I never pretend to be someone I’m not to get a guy. I love being me, just waiting to see if there is someone else who loves me being me… it’s not narciscism, it’s simply common sense. I don’t love myself so much that it impedes on my ability to love other people. I love all my friends, my family, and some people I only know as acquaintances. Maybe I’ll get to know them better this year and I can love them as friends too.
I never, ever pay people out in search of a way to make me feel better about myself. That is the most illogical thing I have ever heard. How is that ever going to make you feel better about yourself? you’re just going to feel guilty for being such a bitch.
I’m not normal. I don’t care that other people don’t wear cool clothes, or make up, or don’t talk the ‘right’ way. Who are these people that I’m not like? that I can’t relate to? Their lives must be so sad.