hmph. Just cleared a whole two paragraphs of text because I was bored with it and forgot to mention why today is such an important day… my sister turned 20 ^_^ I love her so much, she’s so beautiful. I’m getting her a present tomorrow, although I already bought her a new SIM card for her phone. It cost $40 because it was a prepaid one, and considering I live on $95 a week, I thought it was pretty decent.

But I am going to get her something else tomorrow. I ordered a livid ticket online for her a couple of days ago, which will be dad’s present to her. I don’t know what I’m going to get her, perhaps an appliance for her flat… something she doesn’t have… ah i’ll just have to think of it tomorrow.

Apparently her roommates got her some pretty cool stuff, including a little poo (no, not pooh bear). It’s supposed to be a piece of toast or something, but it just looks like poo. Another weirdo character from the range at Morning Glory stores in Brisbane. I like to look through those stores, but I wish they had more tarepanda and hello kitty stuff… last time i was in brisbane, I took my little sister there to have a look around. As we were walking out of store through those metal thingys, the alarm went off. It was so scary! so i walked back in and the employees of the store said, in a really patronizing way: “is there anything in your bag that you perhaps *forgot* to pay for?” Jees that pissed me off! I looked through my bag anyway, and found that i hadn’t stolen anything, and it was just a little book of note paper with tarepanda on it that I had bought at the start of the year, when I still lived there… So they scanned the little metal sticker that was still on there, and they said “yeah… that would be it”. I just left after that. I was mortified!!!! They didn’t even say sorry!!!!!

Oooh I’m in such a good mood at the moment. Even though there is someone I *really* hate right now (ex), I am just laughing at the fact that he tried talking to me last time I was on msn, and now I have him blocked… so every time I see his name there it’s kind of comical…

Anyways, I forgot to call my cousin tonight. I was supposed to call her @ 7pm, and I didn’t end up calling her til 9pm… she was already in bed, but her dad took the phone in to her. We were going to go for a trip to the closest city.. an hour and a half one way on the bus… but because she is in a wheelchair, we would have to have called the bus co. beforehand to make sure they had a wheelchair friendly bus doing the route. hmph. So i guess we settle for a night of videos, chocolate and popcorn. how wundafool. I guess we can go to the beach the next day, so it won’t be all bad… but then again, Nikki (cousin) would have to bring her off-road wheelchair, and it doesn’t fit in our car because it doesn’t come apart. darn it. ho hum. we’ll figure something out.

Better go, I’ve been staying up far too late recently… tiredness is catching up with me. Although I can usually cope pretty well without sleep for a few days, I get stressed after a while.

Stay happy! ^_^

Got back from the park about 20 minutes ago. I went up with Luka, Ceda and Rosie to keep an eye on them. I actually ended up being totally juvenile and going on the swings, and swinging upside down on the monkey bars, and going flat-out on the flying fox, and climbing trees… it was fun. I feel like I should be embarrassed, but i’m not. While we were there, a whole group of teenage boys came into the park. They have cubby houses hidden in the scrub of yuragir national park. Rosie informed me that once, when she and luka were walking through the bush, the teenagers jumped out and threatened to bash them. Rosie and luka ran for their lives. I suggested to rosie and luka that we go find their cubby in the bush, and take their marijuana and go bury it somewhere, but luka and rosie claimed that the boys would bash us. As if! hahaha… i’d bash them! the stupid boys… They are so cowardly. Chasing little kids like that. There were about 10 of them, and only 2 of the girls. How poor. I felt like going up and kicking them all in the nuts… if they even had any. bastards.

Anyways, enough of that. I can’t wait to go to sydney. Tomorrow night, mum is taking me into the harwood bridge, where chris will pick me up on his way home from brisbane. Then I’m sleeping over @ chris’s place because we have to leave at like 4:30am the next morning. Then it’s onto the train, and then sydney ^_^. I can’t wait. I think i said that already… oh well.

I’ve had a really weird appetite lately. All I ever feel like is rice. just plain rice. or else i like it with the parmigiana or caccitore sauces that come in jars… but I don’t mix any chicken with them. I love rice. hehehe… i just remembered that I bought poppers for the train trip… i feel like such a kid right now ^_^. i’m so childish ^_^ lol.

Anyways, i’m gonna go have some rice for dinner ^_^ bye ya later!

I like that song. It’s really beautiful. I think each title can be a line from it, unless I think of something better. So anyway, here is my life over the past couple of weeks:

When all is said and done
I am tired and beaten
In every rock and tree I see
Reality

Although the night seems empty
There is still more to say
But the words don’t come and I am stuck
Between now and yesterday

The dawn of a new day sets in
And I am once again raised from the dead
As clarity is lost under apathy,
Your eyes and smile
Set me free

I am in such a stupid mood today… (oh i just love to use those dots)… there i go again. Anyways, my counsellor told me that having depression throughout my adolescence sort of meant I didn’t really have an adolescence… And what that means is that I didn’t go out and enjoy being young and *free* (so they say). Now I’m old and bitter! well i’m not really.. but I’ve been trying to figure out what sorts of things teenagers do that i didn’t do… I’m still a teenager for the next year and a half, so I’ve still got a chance to make the most of it… Now let me see… My sister used to go bush bashing with her friends in a tarago, which is pretty stupid around here considering we have so much scrub and crap… and I don’t think it’d be all that fun anyway. Is it just that, when you’re happy and with your friends, fun things just happen? like, someone will just suggest something or you’ll go somewhere and it’ll turn out to be great? Agh i don’t know… maybe I am too old… I honestly can’t remember ever having fun in high school, even when I went out with my friends to places… except once when I had a crush on a guy, and both our groups of friends went out together, and it turned out that he liked me too… but then I didn’t like him anymore because… well i guess because he was attainable. you always want what you can’t have. Will I be this way forever? *sigh*

But anyway,I have a great weekend ahead of me! I get paid this friday, and i’ll be going to grafton (biggest hole on earth) with my neighbours, and I’m going to buy my sister a birthday present ^_^. Grafton may be a big pile of poo but it has some good stores, and they actually have fast food there.. like maccas and kfc and pizza hut (which isn’t really fast…) and I’m going to get some clothes! and um…. maybe a cd! and remind me not to forget a new pump for my fish tank filter…poor fishy wishies.

*^_^* happy happy day.

I just realised that over the past two days, I have spent almost 10 hours online looking for sailor moon villain pictures… I love those villains! Tin Nyanko especially… cute little kitty witty.

That reminds me… Dinnacat (my little ginger kitty) learned how to play fetch on the weekend… he brings you his bouncy ball and you throw it for him, he chases it and brings it back…
how *cute*!

On to more pressing matters… had a huge fight with mum this morning. I was woken up early (early for me lately has been 7:30am) by the radio, which is upstairs, because it was turned up as loud as it could go… so anyways, i went upstairs and commented on the volume of the radio, and said it had woken me up… I was sorta in an amused mood at this point (i am a very happy morning person), and i was smiling when i asked… but mum got pissed off and went over and turned it right down and stomped away. Rosie (little sister) was ironing her long shorts (3/4 length) for school, and so i said i needed to use the iron after her, as i had offered to do the ironing for our neighbour… Rosie told me that at her school, you are only allowed to wear belts with shorts or trousers, which confused me because what else could you wear a belt with? i asked rosie that, and then asked if there were girls who wore belts with their school skirts, and we both started laughing… so mum comes out and tells me to stop teasing rosie. Just started off a big argument because i had no idea what she was talking about…

But anyway, it just seems like mum has a real problem with me lately, like i’ve done something that really (and i mean really) pissed her off, but she hasn’t told me about it. I don’t know what I could have done… i never stay out late, i don’t drink, smoke or do drugs… I do chores and look after rosie a lot… what am doing wrong?

ha… just that stupid title… cracks me up. I wonder if I’ll ever find anyone else with the same sense of humour as me.. it’s a little warped… lol perhaps i’m just in a giggly mood? I used to hate giggly girls in high school, the ones in the years below me, I used to think “what the hell are you laughing at?” maybe that’s just cause I was paranoid and i thought they were laughing at me… ah well I’m so over it now.

*sigh* what am I going to do with myself? oh i found a really beautiful quote in a sark book I was reading the other day: “love yourself first, and promise never to leave YOU” It’s brilliant. Because how can you expect anyone else to love you if you don’t love yourself? Everyone who reads this – take a second to look at the way you treat yourselves… would you treat one of your friends this way? stop berating yourself for every little thing… give yourself a mental hug and accept yourself

ah… I love you all!

Just kidding about forgetting the way home… although I did once forget the way home when I first moved to Brisvegas… Coming home from the supermarket, all the streets looked the same, and although I had walked down there with my sister and our roommate, I was pissed off with them so I decided to prove I didn’t need them… but I just ended up proving how much i did need them…. *long story* so anyways, I was wandering around these streets, lost, with these mega heavy shopping bags (because we didn’t have a car) and in the end I just decided to call my sister on the cell phone. That was a really crappy day for me. But anyways…

I just remembered a really funny/stupid thing that my cousin did… he’s such a dork.. he tries to pretend he’s so cool but really he’s just a tryhard. Sort of like that “pretty fly for a white guy” song, but less funny. Anyway, my cousin (let’s call him Shoe – that’s cryptic enough for him), was telling me about how he planned to brew his own beer for this party on the weekend. A couple of days later, he was telling me how he and his friend had no yeast, so they used vegemite instead (WHAT??!!!). I said “oh.. so what are you going to do with all the *beer* now?” and he goes “I’m going to sell it at the party”… sure, like people are going to buy that. Vegemite beer. What a dumbass.

Grr… I can’t believe I let these idiots annoy me like that. Just finished a note on another diary… a sort of running commentary between me & anonymous, but unfortunately I wasn’t logged in for the last comment and so I came up as anonymous too… could lead me to being branded as a hypocrite. Ho hum.

Anyways, onto more interesting stuff… I’m so idle right now it’s ridiculous. I know I’ll be okay once I leave for uni next year, but at the moment I’m stuck in limbo. This is a place of nothing, and all my friends live about 4 hours drive away, and the worst thing is – I don’t have a drivers license. I’m longing for something and I don’t know what it is… I think perhaps I’m longing for someone to waste some of this extra time on? I’m being a little cryptic for me… A guy, other than the sons of old family friends. Sure they’re nice and everything, but it would be like dating your cousin or something. I can’t imagine ever having a crush on a guy that I’ve grown up with. When I was still at school, most of my friends were guys, and my other friends who are girls, could never understand how I could be friends with a guy without being romantically involved with them. They missed out on so much! Guy friends are great! *sigh* I guess I’m just feeling a bit depressed because everyone seems to have a boyfriend/girlfriend except me. Am I the only single person left in the universe????? agh!