Today I saw J. It was so strange seeing him again because just this morning on the bus, when we were coming up to the turnoff, I was going through everything that happened when I started martial arts. I still lust after him. He’s such a god. Everytime I think about him or see him, I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to actually have the self-confidence to just go up and speak to him. I wish. If I could do that, I wouldn’t need to go back and see J anyway. If I had self-confidence, I could see that pining away after a dickhead like that is not going to get me anywhere.

I really need some closure on this J issue. I need to see him and for him to say that he either hates me and never liked me and that he was just playing with me, or that perhaps the feeling was mutual. Then I would finally be able to let go of this crush I’ve been carrying around with me for the past year or so. I remember when I first went to tafe and I was checking out the guys, and the only one I found cute was j. He caught my eye once and smiled. I HATE HIM! I wish he’d just get out of my mind. I think the reason I can’t forget him is because I never actually fully knew his feelings. Sure he was getting to be a bastard in the end, but I still can’t forget how cool he started out being. It’s weird – I usually don’t get these huge crushes on guys before I know them, but that’s how it was with j. I was so attracted to him from the moment I saw him. Lust at first sight. I was naive enough to think that meant something.

Lauren’s birthday tomorrow. I have been spending money on her all these past few weeks, but I was stupid enough to give all the things I bought for her to her before her actually birthday. Now I don’t have anything left. There’s nothing worth buying around here anyway. How slack am I? Sorry Lauren!

It is late and I am tired.

Summer seems to have hit us all of a sudden. Tonight it is sticky and hot… I wonder how I’ll be able to cope when it’s really hot?!

Winter gradually descended on us this year. We were given time to get prepared for the really cold weather. The days followed each other properly – getting colder as the weeks passed. It didn’t just hit in one huge bang.

This kind of weather so early makes it feel like Christmas time, but I know that I will run out of enthusiasm if I start getting excited now.

But I love the warmer weather. I especially love the atmosphere which kind of comes with summer, like a package deal. People seem more relaxed out here in summer time. Although people may complain about the heat, I don’t really think that winter is better than summer. I love the sun, and always being warm enough. I love going over to S. and A’s pool and also when all their family comes down for Christmas.

Summer here is the best!